Published January 7, 2011
This poem is also not one of my best, I lost a lot of the ones off my iPod and right now it's late and I'm way to lazy to get off my ass and go get my English binder with the hidden section of... like 50 pages back to back with random writings on them 
RATED 16+ cause i said ass in my first sentence ^^^^^^^^^ I don't like to swear but Bum sounded so.. strange at the time, anyway i need some help with this poem so I'm posting it. One of many I wrote for my girlfriend, she likes them and says I'm good... hope you guys enjoy and can help me improve.
Symptoms of Love
A hundred butterflies,
fluttering threw my body,
attempting to fill that spot,
the empty spot that we lust to fill,
a lust so strong,
it gives me chills,
until it's gone,
for it to be gone one must find,
the one person to give the butterflies a home,
a place to stay,
a place to flutter,
the place they are meant to be,
with in me,
when I'm with you,
for these are...
the symptoms of love.
P.S. I know this one isn't good but I hope you don't judge my work off this... cause this one is one of my most worse ones, yet still good. Feedback please
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139,498 Literary Works • 672,589 Reviews
thanks!!! i think you made a good job. At first when I read it, it made me smile especially with the butterflies and "lust so strong" hehehe!!! It truly describe the feeling of being in love. Keep it up
It was wrote for my girlfriend, I wrote it for her well I say down in English... were I do most of my writing! =) I love her, any ways thanks for all the positive feedback I'll start to write some more to keep you all up to date with my poetry.
Okay, first of all it is not bad at all! I love it and to be honest it sort of reminds me of my crush!
I thought you could have changed topic from the butterflies eventually, but it's still good.
I would like to know how you came up with the idea... *wink, wink*
I love the title, and everything about the poem itself!
I can never write poems, so I think you're really talented!
I really liked the imagery associated with this poem, the repeated use of the butterflies helped to make the 'love' emotion seem constant and light. i also loved when you put;
its just, simply, a nice line, especially if its written for your girlfriend, it insinuates youre 'home' when youre with her, it helps to convey how much you love and trust her.
it is a very good poem, keep writing
I liked this poem because it was very quick and straight to the point. I loved your extended metaphor. The only part that bothered me was where it said,
. It didn't uses the correct word it should have been through not threw. Unless you meant that they threw your body like to the floor or something. Overall though it was excellent.Hey its me Ehte....
Good poem not that bad as you said...
But it has got some flaws but it can be outdone...
Like put the with and the in together it looks good...
And the use of the word lust is too repetitive....
Overall the piece is good enough to impress a dame...
Keep up the good work...
PM me for anything...
I liked this, made me smile and gave me a idea of the emotion you we're feeling while writing this.
The only thing that it bugging me is:
I didnt understand what you mean, and it could just be me not reading it properly but it confused me slightly.
Apart from that a really good piece of poetry.