My Diary...

Have you ever been there where I am now? Have you ever felt that way how I’m feeling now? Probably not…Probably you never will…

Have you ever been to a crossroad, where you sit with days, weeks, months? Probably yes…Probably everyone has been…

But you know what? I understand you! I understand you well. It’s because I’m standing here, to a crossroad and I’m wondering which one is my way.

My name is Martina Ivanova and I’m 16 year-old high school girl. I guess that explains everything or at least something.

Where is the childhood? Where did It go? When did it go away from me? Once I was the happy girl everyone loved…But that was once. There are thing in my life, which I’m not proud of. Nedelin is one of those things…

I met him almost 2 years and a half ago but he changed my life forever. He is like my scar everywhere I go. I met him in a chat room. I was the kid that I told you about-the happy one. I talked to him every night for 2 months, I was giving him advices, I was sharing my problems with him, and the worst thing – I trusted him. Then as you suppose we started to go out (like friends). It all lasted for 3 beautiful months then one evening ... he looked me in my eyes and he kissed me. Nedelin is 2 years older than me, he’s very handsome and … (and nothing else???) I don’t know what did attract me to him but immediately I felt in love. It was 20-th of February 2006. The next 3 months were perfect, we were together everywhere. One night Ned and I talked for hours about our feelings and saddest stories about out lives. Suddenly he asked me to go to his apartment and I don’t know why but I agreed. It was 2 a.m. so I sneaked out.

It was 3 a.m. We were lying on the bed and we were looking in each other’s eyes. It was so beautiful and romantic…It became more romantic when he started kissing me. I don’t want this part to become erotic so I’ll skip the details but the truth is I gave myself to him… It lasted that way for 2 months and then the problems began to appear. I started skipping school and my parents found out. It was a huge drama back then  they didn’t want me to see him again.

But Ned changed me. I thought I am old enough to do what I want. I was rebelling for weeks and I was seeing my babe before and after school. My parents found out again and the same old things….

Have I told you I am a kind of stubborn person?  Sooo… I continued sneaking out and seeing Ned. I sneaked out on the New Years Eve… I sneaked out on Easter… till august 2007.

I and my parents were on vacation by the sea. One day I gave my dad my mobile phone while I was in the water. My cell rang and my dad saw it was Nedelin. He was so angry that he didn’t talk to me for days  so my parents gave up. I now could see Ned whenever I wanted and I was so happy…

Then you probably wonder what the problem is? What is my dilemma?

Well Ned turned 18 and I turned 16 so he thought I am old enough and he gave me a ring…He told me that he love me and he wants me to be his wife when I turn 18. I loved him so much that I agreed. You may think it is very childish but we actually were like a family.

But do you want to see some of our days??? I’m sure you do! But be careful because It is really dramatic and colorful…