Published June 25, 2014
Black,
White,
Gray,
it was all so dull,
so boring.
When would lightning
strike?
Electricity coursing through
our veins,
licking across our
skin,
gathering at our fingertips.
They ache,
begging
to be released
in an explosion of creativity.
Yet still we are deprived,
stuck in our endless
loop of time
and neutrality.
Teasingly we constantly teeter on the edge,
there,
yet not;
a most frustrating existence.
Will we ever escape these chains that bind us?
A roar to be free erupted within us,
it mauls at our insides
like a wild animal,
and like a wild animal it's sedated,
locked in a cage to be forgotten.
But will we?
Or is it
truly just a dream
to be a leaf caste
off into the unkowing
w i n d ?
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140,813 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
First off, let me just say that your description of writer's block was excellent and extremely realistic.
.
. It should be 'unknowing.'
.
Nitpicks:
In the following lines, you don't place commas in the pattern you began and followed in the previous lines. This happens in the other lines I point out, too. Please try to be consistent
They ache,
begging NO COMMA LIKE BEFORE
to be released ""
in an explosion of creativity.
Yet still we are deprived,
stuck in our endless ""
loop of time ""
and neutrality.
It happens in these lines too:
Or is it
truly just a dream
to be a leaf caste
off into the unkowing
Thank you, spell check, for pointing out that 'unkowing' is spelled wrong in your poem. Typo
This next thing isn't a nitpick, but a question concerning the following lines:
A roar to be free erupted within us,
it mauls at our insides
like a wild animal,
and like a wild animal it's sedated,
locked in a cage to be forgotten.
But will we?
Actually, my question is only really with the last line (But will we?). I don't really understand why you said that, and how it relevates to the following lines, or how the following lines even relevate to the rest of the poem.
It'd be awesome if you could answer my question/s so I can fully enjoy your great poem here
So, now that I'm done with the nitpicks, I'd like to say that your descriptive words were amazing, and the way you expressed how you felt when undergoing writer's block was outstandingly precise. Also, cool vocab. For ex: deprived, neutrality, sedated, etc.
Nice job! For an overall rating, I'm giving you an 8/10. Keep writing; this poem shows that you have real talent waiting to get out!
+1
What I meant by that was will we just give up or will we keep trying
Hey, there!
This is a really good interpretation of the frustrations of writer's block, especially the lines:
"When would lightning
strike?
Electricity coursing through
our veins,
licking across our
skin,
gathering at our fingertips.
They ache,
begging
to be released
in an explosion of creativity."
Excuse the lack of an actual, fancy quote box, I've not quite figured this place out yet lol
That aside, this is just great overall! I have to agree, the flow feels quick only because that's how it's supposed to be. Writer's block tends to cause a lot of thoughts of flash by. It's like a battle, and battles are fast paced.
Good job.
I love that description of writers block because it is so true. My favorite part is the end "Or is it truly just a dream to be a leaf cast off into the unknowing w i n d?" This sentence creates great imagery. The only thing I would change is the spacing and punctuation. That is just me though. It is still good just minor personal preferences.
Keep up the good writing, even the writers block because it apparently doesn't stop your writing capability.