Published February 12, 2018
She asks if I’m doing okay,
I tell her that I’m fine,
More than fine,
And I am.
Damp earth clings to my skin,
It’s under my fingernails,
Dusting my arms and
Coating my hands.
The taste of strawberries lingers in my mouth.
The sun brings constellations of freckles
Into existence, they cover my body
Shoulders, calves, face.
I close my eyes, my eyelashes brush my cheeks.
I imagine that I’m a tree, absorbing
The light and turning it
Into pure energy.
I lay back, a rock pressing into my spine.
I’m completely, utterly, alone.
But I’m not lonely,
Just content.
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Canary word: Present
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hey, DamienCyfer here writing a short review.
Personally, I love this poem. It is relatively short and sweet, and is oddly easy to read. The lines and ideas flow into each other easily and organically, making for an enjoyable poem. There are few if any problems I can find, and even those are just choices in punctuation that are not blatant. The poem also does a great job of conveying its meaning, which is great. I do quite like the subject of being content alone, as compared to representing loneliness as the bane of happiness.
I'm sorry I couldn't really say anything to improve on; there just isn't much, that I can see. Overall, this is a great poem and I'm sure to be looking out for anything else you write.
Thanks for the review!
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
Well it looks like I'm not the only one who feels like this!
"She asks if I’m doing okay,
I tell her that I’m fine,
More than fine,
And I am." There shouldn't be a comma after 'okay', and the first 'fine'.
"Damp earth clings to my skin,
It’s under my fingernails,
Dusting my arms and
Coating my hands." There shouldn't be a comma after 'skin' and 'fingernails'.
From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
I tend to overuse commas, so I appreciate the feedback. Thanks for the review!