Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
2012 March 3rd, 10 Goulburn St, Singleton, NSW, Australia
"Mama! Mama! Look what I found!" a little girl cried as she ran to an older lady standing in the doorway of a house.
I watched them and sighed. Why can't my mother be that nice and kind to me! I thought as I watched the mother crouch down to pick the child up with a big smile. I knew I was different, I always did. I never liked to play in the sun for too long; I had bright green eyes where my mum and dad had bright blue; I had brown hair and my mum had blonde and dad had red. I was the odd one out. That was why I was ignored at the family meetings and whenever I gave my own opinion. I never would fit in. And that was why when I went outside; I knew I wouldn't be coming back.
I took one step out the door when a pair of hands reached for mine.
"Don't try to escape. We have come to help you." a man's voice said.
"I know, I came out here to leave anyway." I replied immediately.
They couldn't understand me at first. They looked shocked. I sighed.
"You do realise you can let me go now." I whispered as the hands let go.
I turned around and saw the most amazing sight. A pixie with dark green hair, pale green skin, bright green eyes and a blue flower dress; an elf with white hair, black eyes, tanned skin and green leaf clothing; and a faerie with pink hair, blue eyes, white skin and a purple flower dress; all were looking at me with amazed expressions.
Imbeciles. They obviously thought I would run away from them when I was running away from home anyway! I thought as I stifled a giggle.
"What is so funny?" The pixie asked in a childish voice.
"I was going to run away from home just then. You guys sure do have a weird sense of timing!" I laughed.
The pixie laughed as well.
"My name is Fern Fallen-Wing. My companions names are Fawn Flutter-Prance," She pointed at the faerie, "The elf is-"
"I am Prince Dominie Stag-Leg the Third." he said as he kissed my hand, "but you can call me Dom."
"Well, nice to meet you all! I am Diana Jane Createn. You can call me Didi if ya want!" I answered with a smile.
"DIANA!" I heard my mum scream at me.
"Run! Let's get away from here!" Fern called as she flew over to a black minivan.
Everyone ran/flew over to the van, including me. Fern reached the van first, then Fawn and last was Dom and I. Just as I got in, my mother reached out to grab my ankle, pulling me back out of the van.
"NO! I am NOT coming back!" I yelled, "You are NOT my MOTHER!" with that, I kicked her in the face.
She let go and I pulled back into the van just as the door slammed shut and we left. Inside it was like a house.
"How is this possible?" I breathed.
"Magick!" Fern laughed.
Dom pulled my hand towards a room.
"Have bath, you smell too much like humans." He said, wrinkling his nose up in disgust.
I pulled my hand out of his grasp. "Excuse me! I happened to be a human!" I screeched.
He laughed at this and opened the door to a bathroom.
"Take a bath and see if you still believe that."he replied as he started to run a bath for me.
As the water started to run, he put 3 different oils and leaves in it.
"What are you putting in there?" I asked cautiously.
"Eucalyptus oil, clovers, rosemary, thyme, rose-water, and blue lotus oil. These should help your human skin to come off." he answered, "Scrub really well and your true form will show. You have to either be an elf, banshee, faerie, pixie, gnome, sprite, mer-faerie or troll. The girls think you're a sprite but I believe you're an elf."
With that, he turned off the taps and left the room.
So much for the help. Now, where are the towels? I thought as I walked over to the cupboard and opened it only to find it was filled with oils and leaves and some weird soap cakes. I closed the cupboard doors, undressed and hopped into the bath. I found a loofa hanging from a hook on the wall and grabbed it. Suddenly, my leg felt very itchy, so, using the loofa, I scrubbed that spot and my skin started to peel off to reveal a pale brown coloured skin underneath, as if it was stained by dirt.
"WHAT THE FUCK!"I yelled.
The door slammed open. There stood Fern and Fawn. Both of them seemed really sad.
"Damn! We were wrong! You are an elf."Fern said.
"TOLD YOU SO! NOW YOU OWE ME LUNCH AT THE TWISTED ROOT!"Dom called, gleefully.
Fawn looked at me. "I'll help you with your clothing, ok!" With that, she ran off to her room.
"I'll get an elfin room ready for you!"Fern called.
"DONE THAT ALREADY!"Dom called.
Fern closed the door and walked over to me, helping me to get the false skin off of me.
Suddenly, she gasped. "WINGS!"she breathed.
I felt something flutter at my back. I looked behind me and saw shimmering gold wings, similar to Tinkerbell's wings. I gasped, and then noticed my hair. Once a nice earth brown was now an emerald green colour. My eyes, however, stayed the same colour but became more cat-like.
"You're no ordinary elf. You do realise that by now" Fawn said as she came in the room.
"Yeah, I do know that elfin women aren't meant to have wings but I do for some odd reason."
"It's because your mother is a faerie and your father is an elf. It's not a normal relationship for those two species" Fern said, solemnly.
"The others are like you so basically you'll have two cousins." Fawn finished.
"I have a feeling I'm gonna enjoy being with you guys more than my human family." The girls smiled at this.
"Come on! We don't have all day" Dom yelled from the front of the car/house.
I quickly got out of the bath and realised I wasn't wet at all. Fawn passed me a small ruby red floral dress and matching pale red shoes. I grabbed them, got dressed quickly and ran out into what seemed to be a foyer. Now that it was fully lit, I saw that the inside of the van was in fact a mansion. It had pale green walls, dirty brown floors and an elegant blue roof. There was a grand staircase leading to a second floor. The van door was tiny compared to the rest of the room.
"You like?" I spun around only to be face by an older lady with black frizzy hair, pale skin, a white dress and black eyes.
"Serina!" Fawn yelled. "Glad to have you here! When did you arrive?"
"About two minutes ago. I saw the van stop in the avenue and decided to check it out. But all I found was an empty foyer until the foundling here came running out of the bathroom. Then she ran straight past me and stopped in a daze as if she was bought up by humans! That can't be right can it?"
"As a matter of fact, I was raised by a human couple who hated me anyway. I never had any real family at all!" I pouted.
Everyone but Fern looked at me in shock.
"What! That was never your fathers' plan! He wanted you to be treated like a princess!" Fawn cried.
"Fawn, calm down. If this is who I think it is, well, I did warned her father about this and he ignored me. He thought he knew better. I tried to tell him that with 300 years experience in this world; I would know who she should be given to." Fern stated.
I looked at her with a face filled with shock.
"You're 300 years old! Cool!" I exclaimed, amazed.
"315 years old as of tomorrow." She said, proudly.
At that instant, my stomach had decided it was time to eat.
"Someone sounds hungry." Dom said to me.
"What's for tea?" I asked.
"Please don't let it be rabbit with salad, I hate meat." Fawn whined.
"Don't worry, I'll cook tonight!" Fern replied, excitedly.
"Now you've done it." Dom muttered.
Suddenly, I could smell something burning. "Is there a fire?"
"Oopsies! My bad!" Fern cried.
"Not again." Serina sighed, "Looks like I'll be buying you all dinner."
Two hours later, we all sat around a pine stump table on toadstool seats. Serina had bought us Chinese take-out. Fawn seemed happy with the vegetarian food, while the rest of us had peaking duck or prawn omelette.
"You know," I swallowed a mouthful of food, "This is the best Chinese I have ever had! Thanks Serina!"
"Anytime!"
Dom looked at Fawn and Fern. "OK, who is next on the list and where are they?"
Fern got up and ran over to a table in the south corner. A minute later, she ran back with a list.
"Ok, we took Randy home yesterday and came for Diana today. So now that's the neko and the elfin faerie done. Next is Andreas and he lives in....Jindabyne!"
"Ok, next stop, Jindabyne!" Dom cried.
An hour later, we all went to bed.
I woke up at about 6am and realised I wasn't at home nor was I alone. I stayed laying down hoping that whoever was in the room with me would leave so I could escape.
"Morning princess!" I suddenly remembered what had happened over the past 24 hours.
"Lemme sleep." I groaned. "It too early."
Dom walked over to my bed and ripped the covers off of me, making me curl up on my side and shiver violently.
"Don't like the cold do ya?" he whispered in my ear.
I uncurled and sat up, but ended up kissing Dom instead of slapping him in the face. He was as surprised as I was at this but then pulled me closer to him and hugged me, carful of my wings. Unsure of what to do, I followed suit. Suddenly the door opened and we pulled apart.
"Whoa! What's going on here?" It was Serina. "I came in to say goodbye and stumbled on an intimate moment. Sorry for disturbing you love birds!"
"Sorry, I was just leaving." Dom replied, blushing as he left.
Serina stepped in and closed the door. She then walked over and sat down next to me.
"Listen, I don't want you to get hurt so do as I say." I nodded. "Don't trust him, or he'll break your heart. Ya hear me?"
"Ok Serina, I understand. Thank-you." I hugged her goodbye.
"Good. Now you be good. Okay?" I nodded again.
"Wait! Will I ever see you again?" It was such an innocent question but it had dreadful consequences.
"Maybe, but we will be on different teams the next time we meet. Therefore, you'll most likely hate me." And with that, she turned and left.
Not long after, I fell asleep again. Three hours later, I woke up to find the room vibrating a little bit.
We must be on our way to the next kid's home! I thought, sleepily. I realised that I wasn't alone. I thought it must be one of the girls, since Dom might be too stupid to come and apologise for earlier.
"You awake again?" I opened my eyes to see that Dom was sitting near what must be the window. "I wanted to apologise for earlier."
"Don't bother. We both know that we both enjoyed that little kiss a bit too much. Wouldn't you agree?" I whispered.
Dom got up and walked over to me. He helped me sit up then sat next to me.
"I really mean it. And I heard what Serina said. She has always liked me and she just hates it when I kiss someone else." he turned my head to face him.
"Really? Or is this one of your fairy tales?"I replied, bitchily.
He looked shocked to hear me say this.
"Listen, I love you. I have known you all of your life. Remember the couple that moved away a week before we came to get you?"
I gasped. "That was you and Fern, wasn't it?"
"Yup. Basically, I'm just three years older than you. And in our world, you are old enough to marry. I've had my eyes on you since I was 10. You were only 7 then. At the age of 10 I was able to live by myself." We both started to blush.
"I always admired you from my bedroom window." I thought out loud.
"I know." Just as he finished saying this, he kissed me but this time was different.
I knew he loved me. He started to lean in closer to me, pushing me back onto the bed, my wings flattened beneath me. I admit now, that I wanted this. I was in love. It was a forbidden love, one that was completely unforgivable. We were so close that I could feel the heat coming off his body in waves. Suddenly, the door opened and there stood Fern.
"What are you doing!" she screeched. "I warned you before we came to get her to use some self-control! Now look what you've done! Do you want to be killed?"
We pulled apart, blushing the whole time. What is she talking about? I asked telepathically. There is a rule that says that any foundling can't choose their life partner. I believe we both just broke that rule. He sighed. And if they break that rule? What happens then? I pressed on. They get killed in front of everyone. He answered, solemnly.
"Well, I for one am not going to die just because of some dumb ass rule." I muttered.
"Great plan, now will you two keep off each other?" Fern whined.
Dom and I laughed at this.
"Sure. If we can overcome instinct." I said, making Dom laugh more.
Fern looked at us in mock-horror. "Don't be so crude! Do you really wish to defy your parents before you even meet them"
"No, but I don't care. I'm in-" Dom chose that moment to cover my mouth with his hand.
"I assure you, it was just lust. It won't happen again."
"Good. Fawn is currently driving and you know what her driving becomes like if she drives for too long." She looked intently at Dom and he sighed.
"I know, I know. Best not to leave her at it for much longer."
"Good." and with that, she left.
Dom looked at me and I could see the longing in his eyes as much as I could feel it in my heart. He leaned towards me and kissed me on the forehead. We must be more careful from now on. He thought to me. Do you mean when we're with them, by ourselves or all the time? I asked. All the time. I don't want you killed over something as trivial as love. He warned. Don't worry, I won't be. I smiled at him, assuring him it was the truth. A minute later, he left my room to take over driving duties, leaving me to get changed into the pink shirt, red skirt and crimson shoes that were in the wardrobe. As I closed the doors of the wardrobe, I noticed the outline of a secret compartment. I opened the doors again and reached towards it. The moment my nail touched it, a gust of wind knocked me over and the compartment opened. Inside were an emerald mirror, emerald brush and daisy hairbands. Both the mirror and brush had my name engraved into them, my real name. Elorna May-Flower. On the back of the mirror was a message.
By the time you have found the mirror of eternal youth, you will have discovered your true identity. You are no human, nor elf, nor faerie. You are the Eternal Flower Faerie. The brush will help you to remember who you are. Take it between your hands and think this poem:
Living creatures, young and old,
Show me true what should be known.
Flowers dancing in the breeze,
Help me understand with ease.
Many days still await you in your journey and you must be patient.
Understand that we love you and sent you away for your own
benefit.
Love Mother and Father.
I finally understood my parents did care about me and weren't complete bastards for sending me away. I grabbed the brush and thought the poem. When nothing happened, I put it down. As I did, I started to feel very tired. I closed the compartment and the wardrobe doors, took off my shoes and went to bed. As I slept, I dreamt that I was an aristocrat child, living in a village filled with others like me. I realised, this person I was dreaming about, was my mother. She walked to the library and met an elf there, who showed me a book on the 12 chosen ones. My name was one of them. Mother gasped, as did the elf who must have been my father at a young age. I soon realised that next to my human name was my real name and purpose. Suddenly, everything started to fade away and I was waking up.
Then I heard Dom yell, "EVERYONE! WE'VE ARRIVED!"
~~~***~~~
I jumped out of bed and put on my shoes. I ran to the door and turned left down the hall, then reached the stairs in record time. I decided to try out my wings and flew down the stairs until I hit rock bottom. I realised that I wasn't in the foyer but the basement. Damn, I gotta get my hands on a map of this magickal van! I thought, angrily. I looked around and noticed it was more of a library than a basement. It was filled with tomes and records of all the mythical creatures that ever roamed the Three Dimensions. There was one that was similar to that of which my parents had looked at in my vision.
"Diana?" Fern called.
"I'm down here!" I called. "Can you come down here and help me out?"
I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Sadly, they were heavier than Fern's would be. This could only mean that it was Dom. I silently cursed my luck and how cruel fate has been to me. I sometimes wish things didn't always happen like this! I thought, sadly, not realising that a certain elf was monitoring my thoughts.
You realise I heard that. He pointed out.
"Okay then. Remind me to stay thoughtless when you are around. As of now." I answered rudely.
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the flower bed."
"Shut your trap before I shut it for you." I snarled.
"Ooo! Scary!" I whirled around and punched him square in the nose.
"That is what you get for pissing me off. I may like you but you never even left a map for me! I desperately needed one! I don't know this place off by heart! Unlike you!" I scoffed. "For god sake, don't you understand that I can't use my own abilities yet?"
I suddenly noticed he was on the floor, out cold. Whoops! My bad! I knew I was strong but not that strong! I turned around and started to look at the books again. As I walked from bookcase to bookcase, I started to notice the little details of each and every book. The older ones seemed to be faded yet they were shiny and clean. The newer ones were brighter, shinier than and also equally as clean as the older books. Volumes of tomes were put together in the history section and there were fairy tales put in amongst them. I could faintly hear Dom starting to stir but I paid him no heed. Not long after, I felt him grab my hand and start to drag me away from the library cellar.
"Where are you taking me?" I whispered.
"Away from here. We need to get the newbie. Remember."
"Oh, that's right." That must mean we are in Jindabyne! I thought.
As we reached the top of the stairwell I decided it was time to try my wings out and see if I would actually be able to fly.
"Dom?"
"Hn? What is it?"
"Can we get someone to teach me to fly? Like Fawn?" I asked, earnestly.
"Of course!" He smiled. "I'll get the girls to teach you! And I'll teach you Elfin Law!"
"Oh and she could also tell me about my mother!" I exclaimed, fluttering my wings excitedly.
"Actually I could tell you a lot more than Fawn ever could since it was your mother who hired me to get a team together to protect you and the others." I looked at him in surprise.
"Really?! Who knew."
"Knew what?" I whirled around to see it was only Fawn.
"Don't worry. Now I want you to teach little miss Flutter-Wings here how to fly." Dom smirked as we watched her mouth open in surprise.
"REALLY! YAY!" Suddenly I was being dragged down the hall by Fawn to a big indoor forest. "This is the training room! It is where I get to teach everyone their powers and what the Faerie Laws are."
I nodded in fascination. "Wow! This is huge!"
"Yeah, I know. I spend most of the day in here training myself to be better than any other Faerie alive!"
"FAWN! DIANA! YOU GUYS ARE MEANT TO BE HELPING US GET READY TO GET THE KID!" Dom called.
Fawn and I giggled.
"He such a grump!" Fawn laughed.
"You mean a grumpy GRANDPA!" We burst out in laughing fits.
There was a big clap of thunder overhead, making me jump. I never had liked thunder. I thought it was too loud and now that I had more sensitive ears, the thunder seemed unbearable. I felt someone lightly tap my shoulder. I realised that I had collapsed into a heap and curled into a ball in fear. I looked up and saw Fawn looking at me, concerned.
"You okay?" She asked.
I nodded in reply, still shaking. I slowly got up with a bit of help from my new teacher.
"No classes today, understood?" I nodded and then jumped as another clap of thunder sounded overhead, louder than before.
I hugged Fawn, half scared and half worried the whole place would collapse on me. Soon I felt my wings quivering in fear. As I straightened up, stopped myself from trying to look at them and just concentrated on looking fearless. I didn't want to seem weak or anything. I just wanted to impress everyone.
"I'm sorry about that. I'm not use to the epic hearing ability yet." I tried to force a smile and failed.
"It's okay, you know, everyone we have to pick up will start off like you. But most will be less willing to leave their childhood home. You were one of the smart ones. Most kids would end up going back after a few days but you obviously weren't sent to the right people. They obviously knew you weren't like them and ignored you." She said, knowingly. "Don't worry, my Grandfather went through the same thing."
We walked down the hall to the foyer staircase as Fawn gave me a quick run-through on how flying works. The walk seemed to take forever and my wings kept twitching every time the words 'flying' or 'wings' were mentioned, reminding me of how much I had to learn. She was starting to act like a history teacher and I soon got bored.
"So, how long til I get to fly?" I felt my wing twitch again. "Because every time 'wings' or 'flying' gets mentioned, my wings twitch."
Fawn laughed. "Your wings have just got to wait. Just like you did when you were learning to ride your bike."
"Yeah, you were watching me, weren't you?"
"Yes, we were." She smiled as they walked down the foyer staircase to join Dom and Fern.
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You said you needed help to fix your story, so here i am!
I'll do the first few paragraphs in your story for you:
I see that you've already fixed the question marks, which was the biggest problem. Good job!
As for the paragraphs, whenever you go on to a new topic or scene etc it's good to create a new paragraph.
I'll just come up with a random example:
'I ran as fast as I could through the forest. The hunters chased me with their bows and daggers.'
This example should be paragraphed at the end of the first sentence because each sentence is talking about different things.
Here's another example:
'I ran as fast as I could through the forest. My legs ached with fatigue and I felt as if I was about to collapse.'
This example does NOT need to be paragraphed because both sentences are talking about a similar thing.
I don't know whether this helps but hopefully it does
"Mama! Mama! Look what I found!" a little girl cried as she ran to an older lady standing in the doorway of a house.
I watched them and sighed. Why can't my mother be that nice and kind to me! I thought as I watched the mother crouch down to pick the child up with a big smile.
I knew I was different, I always did.
See what I mean? Hopefully you do haha
I wish you well with your editing!
That's not the problem. The problem is that it won't let me make a new paragraph.
I'm here to take on a review on your post, so here I go!
Your story right off the bat has errors I'd like to point out.
You have question marks spammed across your story and after periods. You should clean these up and if you have Microsoft Word or a writing program with spell check, try running it through there. There are small things you may not notice, such as capitalization after commas.
Ex: Wrong: Her hair is nice, But not nice enough. Correct: Her hair is nice, but not nice enough
Usually spell check can catch even the smallest errors, but it's always good to proof read as well.
Also space your story out so readers won't feel like it's a chore to read a chunk of words.
You have a lot of potential and I'm sure you have many great ones ahead of you!
Write On!
~IQ
Just letting you know, I tried to fix it up so it would look normal but it won't work. Can you possibly tell me how to get it to work?
You should probably edit your story and get rid of all the question marks. Also, try and paragraph your story so that it doesn't look like a big wall of text so that people will want to read it more