Published November 7, 2011
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Canary word: Present
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140,703 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
THat is becaus eit is meant to be confusing and it implies the imression of being lost.
It's really good my little Wiccan, I only have one immediate concern. All of it rymes, except the first two lines. Then I can't find a pattern. So it's all over the place. But ontherwise good in that department. Then Grammer wise, I see where Choco Cookie was coming from, but it's really good as it is. I see your point, but I was kinda in and out. But when it comes from the heart, nothing needs to be perfect. Glad I could help.
Hello Maria!
First, Welcome to YWS! =D I hope you are enjoying the website.
As a beginner, and me as a reviewer, I must correct the mistakes so next time, you don't make the mistakes, okay?
I talk like a teacher, I know. o.o
Mistakes: (Corrections in Red Markings.)
This stanza was good. Especially the last line. Really true.
The poem was amazing!
Only one thing. I found BOTH stanzas with the same meaning. You should have given one of them a different meaning. :3
Overall: Keep it up! I like it! I'll give this an 8/10. xD
Keep Writing~!
Cheers,
Cookie <3
I think it the poem is very nice! I believe that you would be a great Phantom Poem writer. I believe that would fit you well because the repetition helps bring forth the depth in your poem.
Hmmm....identity crises are common these days, and I think your poem captures that nicely, if it was intended to be a song. My only note for you is that your poem wasn't long, it was actually normal in length, at least, in comparison to some I've read on this site. And that isn't a bad thing! Umm...I'd also like to say that you COULD have used more imagery, but the poem is really fine as it is. Happy writing!
Hey there! This is a really insightful piece. Great job if it really is your first one! I like the repeating of the question throughout. I did run into a few rhythm inconsistencies here and there, but maybe I'm just reading it wrong. Anyway, lovely poem! I hope you continue with it
~Jess