As stated by the Wikipedia, technology is the making, modification, usage and knowledge of tools, machines, techniques, crafts, systems and methods of organization in order to solve a problem, improve a pre-existing solution to a problem, achieve a goal, handle an applied input or output relation or perform a specific function. In more ways than one modern technology if not abated, ruins more than help our life. Nowadays, internet is used to create violence. It deeply worsens the lives of people and even bringing them close to the point of death. Lies are produced and peddled indiscriminately. No one can stop this anymore from proliferating. It is continuously happening right before our eyes. According to Peters (2008), technology is the present world and it affects people’s daily lives. With the advent of social media, everybody has his or her own freedom to share or post. Netizens are free to post even lies and make-up stories – nasty things which are not prohibited to be posted at those social media even in Facebook, the most visited of the networking sites. Internet users’ threatening ordinary people is just a common occurrence. Many people in this cyberspace world experience cyber bullying and spanked with libelous and malicious posts. Hence, the glaring disadvantages of modern technology include but are not limited to, invasion of privacy, addiction to modern technology, and excessive reliance on technology.
In our society where technology is rapidly growing, controversy over our privacy rights has indeed arisen beyond our expectations. As stated by, Hauden (2009), the web is rich resource of shameless cheating strategies. With the popularity of the internet, cell phones, ATM and credit cards, it is obvious that Filipinos enjoy the convenience that has come a long way with technology. Fleming (2013) added that, cheating has become a common place in schools, because students are using technology to gather and share information in rather innovative ways. But sad to say, the popularity of internet and personal computers also pose threats to the users’ privacy. According to the Wikepedia, a law, also called the Cybercrime Law, has been passed by the government that aims to protect and safeguard the integrity of computer, computer and communications systems, networks, and databases, and the confidentiality, integrity, and availability of information and data stored therein, from all forms of misuse, abuse, and illegal access by making punishable under the law such conduct or conducts. This law covers all types of illegal schemes that use one or more components of the internet. It also punishes any criminal activity done using electronic gadgets, creation and distribution of different computer viruses, posting confidential information on the internet and even bank theft. While personal computers and arrival of the internet have made our lives easier in many ways, it is unfortunate that some misguided people use these products of technology to take due advantage of others.
With more and more advancements being made with modern technology, it is also ironically becoming more and more common for people around the world to become addicted to it. As what was explained by Waters (2013), the 21st century classroom is a wonder of online tools and content that students can access from an ever- evolving range of personal mobile devices with capabilities only dreamed of less than a decade ago. It maybe because technology continuously offers a world of unique possibilities to people of all ages, and cultures that it becomes hard for them to refuse. The common gadget everyone loves – the mobile phone, has many mind-blowing features that undeniably hook many of its users. Hence, even with perseverance and patience, it becomes a difficult task for the users to abruptly conquer this unforgiving obsession. Although technology can be useful as can be gleaned in many ways, it could also be very dangerous, hazardous, and harmful to those who become extremely dependent upon it for it uncontrollably drives dishonest and unprincipled people to deceive and mislead others – to the point of defrauding banks and governments.
Technology has a profound effect on how individuals conduct themselves in everyday life. In today’s world, technology is essential. It influences everything by bringing about a great level of convenience. Enderle (2005) stated that, almost half of personal computer owners say they can't imagine life without their computers. With this new convenience, humans are now becoming lazy. Advances in medicine has cured many diseases but also developed antibiotics for common diseases. This has weakened our immune systems and with this, many people now rely on medication to fight off small ailments rather than leave it to our bodies. For this reason, as the technology continues to improve, it has begun to replace our existing human abilities.
In this time, the technology offers us a big number of services that facilitate in a monumental way of our lives, like phone services, internet, and automatic teller machines. These technological services help us for making our life a little more pleasant and easier to take. But the same as their advantages, this modern technology possess a great quantity of disadvantages which affects the development of our life. This serves as a distraction in many people. Now we have seen the impacts of the modern technology in our life, it is our responsibility to use technology to improve our lives but we also have to make sure that we preserve our society and environment, if we don’t control the usage of technology, we shall end up harming both the society and environment.
Lat, Ma. Catherine P
BS ECE-T1B
De La Salle Lipa
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
129,275 Literary Works • 671,501 Reviews
Technology can serve as both a messiah and a cause for destruction. I am here to talk about the positives. With the help of this guide for cloud app security for office 365 at https://spinbackup.com/blog/office-365- ... uide-2019/, I was able to prevent myself from losing data and protecting it from various threats. We should not be afraid of technological improvements, but we should be cautious.
Hey there! I'm Onyx and I will be reviewing your article as promised. Sorry this is later than expected!
Comments
So what is your thesis statement? For me, it is not clearly stated. Now for the first body paragraph, what is your topic sentence? Are you talking about cheating or invasion of privacy? You can use talk about cheating but you come out and use it in the beginning and then talk about what you really need to. I wouldn't add so much fluff. I would make it to the point with adding some pathos and logos. Alright, so here are a few things I would like to draw your attention too. You don't have to use these changes or anything like that. These are just a few things I have noticed. So here we go,
One big problem here is... You can never quote Wikipedia because Wikipedia is a website that anybody can go in and change the facts into stuff that is incorrect. Therefore it is not a safe source to quote or use in any article, paper, or anything like that. It is a big no.
What are you taking from Peters? You need to put the words that you are taking and put them in quotes. Don't assume what you are saying after that sentence the reader will know. Always best to add quotations.
Over all
You did a wonderful job over all, there are just a few things but hey, it happens. I liked how you were very detailed in it, though some stuff could be changed. It was very good. If you need anything else reviewed, feel free to post on my profile. If you have any questions about why I had said anything or why I did what I did, feel free to send me a private message and we can chat.
~Onyx
Hi Maria,DK with review
This is too smothering me. You write the beginning of your essay with verse taken from Wikipedia with too long and served with a little 'stiff'. Too much commas,which actually can be shortened and straight to the point.
When turn to the points you gives here,I think you doing this with a great job!You show up the point at the first sentence in each paragraphs then followed with the descriptions and details.Well done!
But giving too much facts or quotes from others actually not a good idea.I mean this is your essay,so you need to provide your own views on technology.You may just take some quotes of facts but not too much.
Overall,good job.
Keep it up and good luck!
Kudos,cheers.
Hey Maria,
Well , first let me start of by saying, Very bold choice.
Here is the part i liked;
"As stated by the Wikipedia, technology is the making, modification, usage and knowledge of tools, machines, techniques, crafts, systems and methods of organization in order to solve a problem, improve a pre-existing solution to a problem, achieve a goal, handle an applied input or output relation or perform a specific function.
In more ways than one modern technology if not abated, ruins more than help our life. Nowadays, internet is used to create violence. It deeply worsens the lives of people and even bringing them close to the point of death. Lies are produced and peddled indiscriminately. No one can stop this anymore from proliferating. It is continuously happening right before our eyes. According to Peters (2008), technology is the present world and it affects people’s daily lives. With the advent of social media, everybody has his or her own freedom to share or post. Netizens are free to post even lies and make-up stories."
Because not only is it true, It can spark an argument. But it has a valid point, I personally agree with you but, and that's a big but. We being humans, are addicts of technology. So it's kind of a dilemma, weather or not, to contribute to the technology addiction or live a simple life without it. But honestly who can do that?
Sorry i got lost, in my opinion/ review. Anyway I liked it, And even though i said it already in the beginning, it's a bold choice, but also a tough one to tackle.
Keep writting.
This is a very good essay. .I agree with what you said
keep up the good work =)
A good one! Keep it up.
)
Wikipedia is a NO NO as a source in any technical writing for the main reason that the content of this webpage can be edited. That means we are not really so sure whether all information there are valid and acceptable. Try to use a reputable source online where credibility is a great factor. Also, come up with academic writing. Use proper words in your sentence construction and try to organize your thoughts properly. There must be harmony in presenting your ideas in every paragraph. You have a nice article in general. Congratulations.
Thank you for giving your time just to read my essay. I'll follow your advice. Thank you for all the comments. It will really help me. God bless!
I'll just speak in Filipino language:) o kaya Taglish na lang
arrange mo lang yung order..
))))
Anong literary type to? essay?
paragraph 1- di lang masyado magandang magrely sa wikipedia, kasi pwedeng iedit ng iba yung wikipedia although knowledgeable sila dun sa various topics, one example is yung sa negative effects ng technology advancements sa society. Mas okay siguro kung start ka na lang sa quotations, o kaya rhetorical questions, or story. Then, pinoint mo kasi agad yung negative effects sa first paragraph, dapat inroduction part lang yung first paragraph. O kaya adopt ka ng saying or statements na nanggaling sa mga kilalang tao or sa journals, thesis, etc. gaya nung "According to Peters (2008)". Tapos medyo nafocused din yung last sentences ng first paragraph mo sa social media at cyberspace, dapat ibroaden mo muna yung subtopics about technology.
Paragraph 2- give the readers a background (facts) of what was the world before hanggang sa naggogrow yung statements mo, yung pinapakita mo yung evolution nung society dati hanggang sa society ngayon.
Nagfocus ka din sa cheating at cybercrime, dapat after nung background, state ka ng positive at negative facts kahit konti para masupplement yung paragraph 1 mo. Kasi sabi mo dun tsaka dun sa quote na kinuha mo modernized na nowadays, kailangan makita kung papano, tsaka san nahugot yung statements na yun pati yung ruined people's lives, etc.
then, state mo kung ano yung specific negative effects nung technology.
paragraph 3 and the next paragraphs- dito mo simulan idiscuss yung mga negative effects na yun, one by one halimbawa nilagay mo sa 2nd paragraph-"Some common negative effects of technology are as follows: cheating, cyber bullying, social discrimination, health, medicine, teenagers, privacy, daily routines, hobbies, studies, etc." para mabigyan ng supporting details kada subtopics.
Tapos, kada subtopics na yan dapat magkakahiwalay, pag cheating dapat sa isang paragraph cheating lang ang makikita. Then, state facts, situations, specific examples, tapos kung may laws, lagay mo na din, effects ganyan, kasi dun sa cybercrime nilagay mo yung law, then sa iba wala na, parang nakukulangan yung ibang subtopics.
sa ending paragraph- bigay mo yung conclusion, yung summary or may point nung mga previous paragraphs, tapos sa dulo lagyan mo nung striking statement.
(always put your sources- para di sabihing plagiarism)
(be specific sa examples at facts, wag mo masyado ibroaden kasi hindi nagiging malinaw yung whole, para di din lumabas na playing safe yung buong composition)
okay naman yung terms na ginamit mo
Thank you.
I'll follow your advice. It will really help me. God bless! 
Ang haba nakakatamad basahin .
pero gets ko naman. hahahaha no to cyber bullying and pornography and cheating
Thank you for your time. God bless!
Nice essay.
Thankyou! Godbless.
Hi there, Maria and welcome to YWS! I hope you're enjoying the site and sharing your essay with us!
Overall, I believe you made some very good points about the negative side of technology. While it does benefit us in many ways, it also has consequences.
However, I do agree with Cailey that the focus is very broad. While you bring up many good points, the topics cover everything from cyberbullying to cheating to online privacy to medicine. They aren't easily linked and so they weaken your argument.
What I would do instead is pick two or three of these and see what common links they have to make a stronger thesis. For example, both cyberbullying and cheating come from people applying technology to bad things people were doing before the Internet.
Another thing I would consider is making your examples more specific. For example, instead of citing a general page saying students use the Internet to cheat, why not find a real example from a newspaper article or a study about how many students cheat with technology? This will show that your arguments are happening in the real world.
A few things I wanted to point out about this passage
1) As previously stated, don't cite Wikipedia in a school paper. It's great to read to get a general understanding of the topic, but look to see where that information comes from to find better sources.
2) The last part has a lot of legal-sounding words, so I'm guessing it's a direct quote about the law. Make sure to put that in quotation marks and cite the source so that people know it's not your own.
3) This is an odd transition between topics. The first part of the paragraph talks about cheating, while the second talks about privacy issues. Make them separate paragraphs.
4) Which government is this?
I like what you're trying to do here: bring up an opposing argument (technology is good but it cures people) and refute it. This is something a good persuasive essay should do. However, it doesn't fit well with the rest of the essay, which focuses on computers. Also, it's not quite right. The antibiotics kill bacteria (which can kill us), but we've used them so much that the bacteria have become resistant to them.
Overall, I think you make some great points, but I would focus on developing a few of them. Great job, welcome again, and keep writing!
Hello! Thank you for giving me your time just to read my essay. Your advice will help me a lot. God bless!
All right, Knight Cailey here with the requested review. I didn't mean to do any reviews tonight, but decided to write two because there were so many. But since you asked me to check yours I will do my best, even though I should be doing homework or sleeping.
First off, I strongly suggest not starting off with Wikipedia. A lot of teachers don't even accept Wikipedia as a valid source, and since it's the easiest thing to find information on- using it right off the bat suggests that you didn't do much research, which I know is absolutely not true because I saw how many sources you have and I can tell that a lot of work went into this project. Still, Wikipedia isn't a great hook. I'd suggest starting with a quote or a short story, or just go right away with your opinion.
I do want to say that I love that you took the opposing view here. All of the other three essays I read were about how technology is good and helpful, so I like that you took the other side and chose to write about how technology can be harmful instead of helpful.
I think you could do a better job at presenting your points, though. Make it very clear what your arguments are going to be, and start each paragraph by returning to your thesis statement, which is that technology can be bad, and then in the first sentence of the paragraph try to say why it's bad.
This will help your piece look more organized, and it will help make your points even more clear.
Also, I think you could work on your conclusion some more. Like I said already, I really like the viewpoint you chose to present in your argument. But stick to the argument!! In the end you started mentioning how technology is good, and how we're just using it too much and incorrectly and that's why it's bad. No! Don't do that!! Don't give in to the opposing side, not even a little bit. This will really help make your point stronger.
Even if you don't entirely believe what you are writing, it will sound much better if you stick to a clear "no" without giving any reasons for the reader to believe otherwise. Don't give any exceptions or excuses. Just say no and then tell why no.
Overall, you did a great job, and I bet this will get a good grade.
I hope my review was helpful and let me know if you have any questions.
-Knight Cailey
Your suggestions were all correct. Thank you for giving your time to review my essay. What you have said will really help me. God bless!
Thank you and you're welcome! I'm glad this helps!
A good one! Keep it up.
)
Thankyou. Godbless!
nice essay. it shows some negative things about technology.
Thankyou. Godbless!
a very detailed Blog/Article . . just don't forget to put the sources at the last part of the blog. .
Thankyou. Godbless!
References:
1. (Cheating With Technology. Retrieved August 20, 2013, from http://homeworktips.about.com/od/cheati ... eating.htm)
2. (From Texting to Plagiarism, How to Stop High-Tech Cheating. Retrieved September 2, 2013, from http://thejournal.com/articles/2013/09/ ... ating.aspx)
3. (How Technology Affects our World Retrieved 2013, from http://www.teenink.com/hot_topics/what_ ... our-World/)
4. (High-Tech Cheaters Pose Test. Retrieved August 28, 2013, from http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 89370.html)
5. (Poll: Americans Dependent on Gadgets. Retrieved 2005, from http://www.foxnews.com/story/2005/12/22 ... n-gadgets/)
6. (The world of the Netizen was envisioned some twenty five years ago. Retrieved 2006, from http://www.ais.org/~hauben/Michael_Haub ... TIZENS.txt)
7. (Social Media a 'Frightening' New Threat to Test Security. Retrieved August 12, 2012, from http://www.dmmserver.com/DialABook/978/ ... 77069.html)
Nice one. I like your essay. Keep up the good work.
Thankyou. Godbless!