Published June 22, 2011
[For a friend who never left my side, and didn't know he had someone who would never leave his.]
I swear to listen to your every word,
Promise to talk until my last breath,
Never to leave your heart broken,
And never to leave true words unspoken,
Find the answers to questions you ask,
Protect you from all the darkness and pain,
Free you from every prison of your mind,
Guide and show you when you’re blind,
I promise to keep no secrets from you,
To catch you every time you fall,
To pick you up and stitch your heart together again,
Even stand and dance with you in the rain,
I swear to never let you walk alone,
To always reach out and lend my hand,
Break down the walls that you come across,
And to give for each and every loss,
I’ll search for you when you’re lost,
Run with you when it’s too much,
Stand with you when it starts to rain and pour,
Love you with all my heart and more,
I promise to be there when you need me,
I promise to hug you tight when you’re lonely,
I promise to wipe your tears when they fall and
I promise to keep you, not for the rest of my life;
But for the rest of yours.
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139,374 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
I really enjoyed your poem because I could really relate to it. I felt you did a good job conveying your feelings and thoughts to the reader. However, the rhyme scheme was a little childish. I often enjoy rhyme in certain poems but in this particular piece it takes away from the depth of it. Other than that it was great!
It's sweet and sentimental. I can't really think of any critics.
Hello there
I can really see alot of great moments in this piece. And you're rhyme scheme is interesting, because i haven't ever seen anyone write with one like this before, and that makes it more interesting. You really got down to the point of how people feel that for each other, and yes I've been there
This really makes me think of love and commitment more than anything, and i think that's what made me really enjoy it, because you showed that, and didn't "tell" that.
Overall, a pretty good piece.
Let me know when you have more to read, because I would be happy to review for you
keep writing!
--Ash
Your rhyme pattern kind of bugs me. You rhyme the each last two lines but leave the first two ones without any rhyme at all. It doesn't sound poetic and it makes the whole poem sound a bit cliche. I'd advice pantorhyme (I believe it's what it's called in English?), when several words in the first and in the following line rhyme, for example, the first, the second and the third words in the first and in the second lines rhyme.
Also, as a suggestion, to keep the "I [do something]" pattern, you might want to change the beginning of the second stanza.
The end of the poem should also be worked on. I think the last line of the last stanza should be split in two to emphasize the "not for the rest of my life but for the rest of yours". I think you could put these two lines together but separately from the previous stanza.
Overall, not bad!