Published June 12, 2011
We were all once in the dark
Still and unmoving,
Possessed by the losses of our friends
Few among us knew,
How to help, shield, protect
I wanted to learn to be taught
How to be more than just the dark-
It showed me how to make
Just how much one can give,
And how little take
Ignited the burning ice inside me,
Aflame and rising
Falling through the cracks I reached
Out to ask-
So tell me, show me
How to be the guardian of an angel,
That life sends to the depths of-
The darkness of misery
The blackness of suffering,
Teach me to spread my wings
To shield from the pain they must endure-
So tell me, show me
I can be the guardian of an angel,
The saviour of what they were to be
The protector;
A friend, a sibling or lover,
To stop the world and its lies
And spread their wings.
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140,819 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Great imagery that you have here. It’s very good and I very much liked this poem. Wow. I really love this; it's so powerful, and sends a clear message. Great job with this!
I think that might be my favourite line in the piece.
My only complaint is the punctuation, but I am sure that you have fixed that already.
Keep up the good work.
Wow. I really love this; it's so powerful, and sends a clear message. Great job with this!
Thanks for the reviews
Yeah, some of the punctuation was off, I realize now. I probably should have proof-read it more carefully, so I'll make the adjustments - thanks for pointing it out though, I most likely would never have noticed that
Like LittleLionWomen said, Great job. I loved it. I just have one little critique for you: Watch your punctuation. You have it in some places and not in others. I know it's just me, but 'just me' can't tolerate that. All or nothing. And even if you left it the way it is, because it obviously doesn't bug everyone, parts of it don't make sense because you have done your punctuation funny. Here, for example, was the worst:
The last three lines of this stanza don't quite flow. The rest is pretty good, though.
Like I said before, you have totally done a great job here. This is a pretty unique idea, pulled off brilliantly. Capital, capital.
amazing poem. great fluency and strong wording. Really powerful, sends me the chills.