Published June 25, 2005
Raven’s Heart
Fading sunsets,
Whispering promises,
Kisses so tender and sweet,
His hazy brown eyes,
My emerald green,
Just gazing at you,
As you’re staring at me.
Laughing and sighing,
With each precious touch,
Creating the feelings,
We cherish so much,
We don’t do this because we have to,
It’s true eternal love.
The hearts we may have broken,
The roads that we will take,
We will take it together,
For the future we will make.
Our love is stronger,
Than hatred and words,
Its viewed as heaven,
All the stars,
And the birds.
We do this in love,
It shows in everything that we do,
We’ll commit to each other,
Two hearts so true.
One love that’s forever,
With god guiding us through,
Your faithful to me,
I’m devoted to you.
please tell me what you think. thanks bunches. 
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139,531 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hey there Mallory.
There's a lot of things going on in this poem and we start from the title, which is rather dramatic. I'm wondering what was happening with all the different parts of this poem because there's just no natural way to put it together. There's a couple of effects that are happening from the unnatural arrangement and I'll try to work through all of those issues as quickly as possible.
The title is the main thing for creating that opinion for the reader and I wasn't expecting this to be romance. raven's heart seems like it would be more appropriate for horror, just because of how much imagery falls behind a raven usage. Or if you're doing raven imagery along with romance, it should be much darker than what I saw within the poem. it looks like you didn't even use the raven imagery so mentioning it in the beginning and not following through, really ruins the mood of the whole ordeal.
And I call it an ordeal because it really does just keep going on and on, and the poem never really goes anywhere. For me. let me state after each statement that I make, that it's not working for me. I'm sure there's an audience that this could be marketed to but it's not me. It's not the person who has seriously studied poetry and knows that you have to do better than this if you're trying to manipulate cliches.
I think a lot of your poem craziness might have been purposeful and you wanted to utilize these cliches. They're just not working right because you haven't put a level of actual work into the manipulation. I'm hoping on some level that this is satire. But then I come back for the fear that this will be an entirely serious poem and you didn't at all realize how bad these images sound.
So no matter the reason for how bad it is.
It still needs a lot of work to be fixed.
so good luck.
-lizz
yeah, it is another damn cliche love poem, but you gotta give it its dues, it was done well, and it wasn't trying to be original. Or if it was, it failed utterly, haha. But you know, whatever, this could be really important words to someone, and you gotta respect that.
Well, it's not bad, but I have to say that it's another cliched love poem. I think you should drop the rhyme scheme; it isn't helping the poem and it sounds a bit forced. Try to avoid the cliches and I'm sure you can really improve this.