Cameras clicked everywhere. One of the greatest weddings of all time was about to be announced.
The multi-billionaire giants Lesley’s Corp and McDor’s Ltd were uniting with the marriage of their heirs Phillip Lesley and Angela McDor.
Every inch of the party hall was covered in fancy decorations. Golden ribbons, white daisies and tulips were everywhere. Guests comprising of the richest members of society were busy adjusting their bows and gowns.
But Phil wasn’t interested in the bliss of glamor and luxury that surrounded him.
His hands moved towards his most valuable possession – a piece of paper safely tucked away in the pocket of his silk coat. Phil’s eyes craved for one more look at it before Arthur Lesley announced his son’s fate in front of the world. He took it out.
Love doesn’t ask why…
The Celine Dion lyrics were written out in a beautiful curly writing.
He felt himself slip away from his reality, into that night…
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It was just another normal day for those at the Bluebird Karaoke Club.
But for Phil, it was one of the best days of his life – an escape from the formality of the society gathering and toasts to the normalcy of a young man’s life that would never be his. Away from the showy satin and silk, he felt himself relax in a pair of borrowed casuals.
This was what he wanted – some time to himself, far away from his reality. Here he wasn’t obliged to follow any norms or etiquette of social life. He could act like he was just another guy enjoying the night at a club.
“Yo! Who’s coming up for the next song?” The DJ’s voice boomed into the mike. A dozen hands shot up among the audience.
“The blonde there…come up gal.” The DJ flashed a brilliant grin as the slender figure of a girl in a beige dress rose from a seat, several rows in front of Phil. Phil’s gaze followed as she walked gracefully towards the dais. His mind was swept away by her volume of waist long corn silk hair. Phil caught his breath as the girl turned to face the audience.
“Love doesn’t ask why…It speaks from the heart…and never explains…”
Her voice was the sweetest sound Phil had ever heard.
“Don’t you know that love doesn’t think twice…it can come all at once or whisper from a distance…”
The table fan on her right blew her perfume towards Phil, along with the lyric sheet she was holding.
It fell at his feet.
Taking off his eyes from her for the first time since he set it there, he bent down to pick the paper. When he straightened, he found himself facing the girl’s angelic face.
Her sea green eyes locked his gaze. He felt like the world around them had disappeared and it was just the two of them. He stretched his hand forward, holding out the paper to her.
She looked at it and hesitated.
“Keep it”, she said and ran away, leaving Phil alone in the crowd.
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The blinding camera flashes brought Phil’s present crashing back on him.
Had he not been chained by wealth and status, he would’ve sought her out and kept his life on her feet. But no! The stars weren’t on his side.
He hadn’t bothered to argue with his father. Why should he? What difference would it make? It’s not as if his pleas would win against his father’s decision.
He crumpled the paper in his hands and put on his well practiced flashy smile for the paparazzi.
Behind Phil, the guests turned their heads to see Angela McDor walk gracefully into the party hall.
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Angela adjusted her hair and wiped the sweat off her palms. But her thoughts did not stay. They darted back to that night – a precious memory she had treasured in her heart….
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Angela sneaked out of a kitty party to breathe some happy air in a karaoke club. Music was her passion. But all she got were operas by some high and mighty artist, staged personally for her in the McDors’ private theater. What good was that?
She felt her heart soar when the DJ picked her for the next song. Finally, she would be able to get the taste of a normal life, away from the diamonds and glitter.
She let herself get lost in the song.
It was when she saw her lyric sheet land near a man's feet that she realized she wasn't holding it any longer.
While he bent down to take it, she walked towards him.
Angela was under the impression that she wasn’t one of those girls who went oogly-woogly in front of good looking guys. But when she saw the guy in front of her, all she could do was stare.
There was something about the warm sparkle in his eyes that made her want to stare into them until the end of time.
He stretched out the paper for her to take. She glanced at it and noticed the time on his wrist watch.
God! She was late! The party would’ve finished by now and people would’ve started noticing her absence. She had to go…
“Keep it”, she said and ran away.
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What if she had stayed that night? Angela couldn’t shake off the uneasiness gripping her heart.
In a matter of minutes, her father was about to announce her marriage with an unknown Ritchie Rich. But the memories of the young man at the club would always haunt her. It would remain the biggest “what if?” of her life….
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Cameras clicked everywhere. One of the greatest weddings of all time was about to be announced.
Hey there, Malavika,
I have to say, I was expecting this to play out with a big drama, with Phil's love rushing into the wedding, or him rushing out. I was pleasantly surprised - and I really like what you have done with it, and especially your choice of cut-off point. I'm also a fan of your circular beginning/ending line thing; that feels quite nice.
In terms of areas to improve... First, I'd like to suggest that you draw out the bit where Angela begins to sing in Phils point-of-view section. At the moment, you have her walking up onto the stage in detail - and then just song lyrics. Perhaps tell us a little about the introduction to the song beginning - does he recognise the music? - and her beginning to sing - does she look nervous? Take a deep breath? That way, your readers can be right there with Phil as he's swept away by her voice.
I'd also suggest a little reworking of the beginning of Angela's flashback. The first sentence in particular sounds a little strange - part of that is perhaps because I had to look up "kitty party", but I think in general the problem is that this one sentence sums up a lot of stuff - getting out of the party and to the club all seems to have rushed past. Similarly, it would be good to fill in a little something about what she did before the DJ picked her - was she watching the other people? Enjoying their songs? - and about her own song - why did she choose that one? Had she planned it? In short, I think it would be nice to fill in a bit more of what's going on here, because it feels like it's moving a bit fast at the moment.
Finally, there are just a few bits I'd like to pick out as having slightly odd phrasing. First, "Guests comprising of the richest members of society" doesn't sit right in my head - "A crowd of guests comprised of ..." would be better. A little later, "Phil's eyes craved for one more" - while you can have a craving for something, if you use 'crave' as a verb, it doesn't need to have the 'for' attached - "Phil's eyes craved one more". And, last one: "kept his life on her feet". I take this to mean he wants to give all of his life over to the woman, which would more usually be phrased something like "laid his life at her feet".
That's pretty much all I have to say for now - hope it's helped! If you've got any questions about things I've said, or if you'd like me to go through and do a full spelling and grammar check, please feel free to message me, and I'll see what I can do.
Cadi x
cute and fluffy story
is there a sequel ?? I'm dying to know what will happen when they meet.
Cute story. Good work
it makes me wonder what would happen when they finally met each other.
Whoa, nice piece. The introduction of the characters, their escape from their luxurious lives and their unexpected meeting, i like those. It was like love at first sight and the feeling that it left them was something what they treasure for the time being. But i'm pretty much excited and thrilled on their reactions if they saw each other again. It makes me wondering and i like the cliff hanger part..
Keep going..
ll
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