The Forest

I like the idea of this (feeling at home in the forest myself), but there are just a few things that don't quite work.

Some misplaced commas:
You don't need a comma at the end of the first line or after "but" in the fifth line.

A few weird word choices:
I thought "reinforced" was okay except that it doesn't really rhyme with "forest" - so I didn't realize until the second stanza that this was supposed to be a rhyming poem. "Bellowing" was a bizarre word choice, especially since it doesn't rhyme - there seems to be no purpose for it, since it doesn't rhyme and the moon is silent. "Endeared" is, I think I get what you meant, but "endeared" isn't quite right. Just "dear" would be better, if I understood what you were trying to say. And as a previous comment said, you don't need so many periods at the end. You can use an ellipsis (...), but I'd go with just one.

I really liked "and the trees stretch high/as the grass bends below." Actually, that stanza was really good, not only in terms of your diction but also that it was the best stanza in terms of rhythm and rhyme. Try to keep that up throughout the entire poem.

Also, I'd love to see more of the imagery and figurative language that you displayed in "and the trees stretch high/as the grass bends below." Another good example of where you did that was "and the stars all shine out." Sensory details! What do you see, hear, smell, feel (maybe even, if you're really exploratory, taste) when you're in the woods? Replace some of the vague language you've used (i.e., "I follow a hidden trail/that very few know" - what is the trail like?) with imagery and metaphor, and you'll have a great poem.

Let me know if you make any changes, I'd love to read it again!

~Blue

P.S. I saw below that this was written in a few minutes for a school assignment, and I definitely understand that imagery and metaphor is difficult to come up with in such a short time - but now that you've posted it I assume you want to work on improving it.

Hi,

REVIEW


I lost myself,

In the forest

within a sea of trees

deeply reinforced. ( I don't think 'reinforced' works well with it)

But, I follow a hidden trail

that very few know,

and the trees stretch high

as the grass bends below.(I like this, good rhythm)

I keep on walking

towards a moon bellowing, ( again, bellowing I don't think works with the stanza very well)

and the stars all shine out

while a lone wolf howls.

Though things are dark and black,

I feel right at home here

in the temple of the forest

where nature is endeared………………..( I think you could just use '…' not so long)

Good job!

CM

Ah. it just seems so peaceful. i love waking through the woods, off trails and onto secret little dear paths. There is really nothing at all to critic on the writng. it is a great piece! keep writing <3