Published October 25, 2011
All who come to read this
blessed be.
May your life be full of bliss
as it be.
Reading this you receive
many things.
The secret truths we believe
hidden things.
God and goddess
I invoke thee.
Watch over us in fondness
I pray thee.
With sacred rosemary
we sing on.
Protection we carry
we move on.
Guardian Mira
I beseech to you.
In the name of Wicca
flying free to you.
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139,556 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hi there Maki-Chan
Eh... I don't believe in wicca. o.o Actually, I don't know much about it. But the first two lines made me smile, I didn't know what the poem was about. But you don't care about that. Lol.
Okay, about the poem! Yes. The fact that the fifth and sixth lines end with a 'thee' it's kind of distracting. It makes it sound repetitive and least creative, which is a lie. I'd manage to change one of the lines in a neat way. Other than that, I've got nothing to say.
Keep it up!
~Solly<3
thank you for the response. Lol it probably doesn't make much sense. It is the protection chant for those who I allow to read my BOS. So no harm will come to them if anyone finds them with my BOS.
thank you
Go Wicca! hahaha. I'm not a wiccan but I was for a short while and I still have a great love and respect for it and kudos for being so brave to post something Wiccan on a site with sooooooooooo many Christians who might judge you.
Anyway, on with the review :p. I liked the poem, it's very nice as a chant as you call it, but it didn't seem to be so much of a poem as a chant - I mean it didn't have metaphors or so much of a message or too much imagery or anything, but you did say it was a chant, so don't feel like you have to then go and include those.
As for rhythm, that is one thing that does certainly apply to a chant. It wasn't consistent, but it didn't break rhythm at systematic points, it just seemed a little all over the place reading it. Try to find other words and make sure the syllable counts and stresses form a consistent pattern, and break the rules if you want to, but have enough occasions where you do follow a rule so that you can break it.
Nice poem! Keep writing!