Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: As far as prologues go, this one feels a little more like a first chapter than a prologue but I think you still managed to do a really good job here and it certainly is the sort of thing that makes you as a reader want to turn that page and read more.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Crunch.
Crunch.
Crunch.
The sound resonated over and over again; an eerie sound repeating like a broken record. Staring ahead, I watched what the light of my flashlight had revealed through the darkness with a horrified amazement. My heart pounded a strong escalated beat against my chest, and my breath had been stolen.
She stared back at me, watching me with a curious awe. The darkness was squirming and slithering behind her. Only the weak light of my flashlight was trembling against the darkened scenery of the night as it illuminated the creature; however, the details of her face remained blurred, hidden by the blackness. I could only make out her feminine figure, and her snow-white skin, which contrasted greatly against the mass of shadows behind her.
Crunch.
Crunch.
Crunch.
Oooh, right away this sounds extra creepy here and I absolutely love it. This is the perfect sort of vibe to have in a horror situation and although I think you could perhaps use a slightly less goofy sounding..well sound there, the grounding of the piece through the repeated use of crunch is a great idea here.
She walked towards me, taking long distorted strides. She stretched her left leg forward, her foot snapping right. Stumbling, she hunched over, then brought one arm forward using it to guide herself to me.
I stared, my eyes baggy and drowsy. The darkness sweeps against my vision, trying to blanket itself around me, to engulf me completely. The light of my flashlight slowly fades.
Crunch.
Crunch.
Crunch.
Ahh, I really love how we have this slow sense of impending doom here. You can sort of see how one by one each thing gets progressively worse for the character here and as a reader you feel helpless and realize that this character is not going to stand any chance of escape.
She’s closer now; I can hear her exaggerated steps as she walks through the brush. The light of my flashlight is focused on her upper body, I can see her more clearly now. She pauses for a moment, and I take in every detail of her face. I notice first her crimson red lips, they are plump and pouty: shinning against the light. The red intensely defines itself against her pale white complexion. Her face bore a soft roman nose, and a long smooth chin; while, long bunches of dirty blond hair covered areas of her face, her eyes covered.
Crunch.
Crunch.
Crunch.
The darkness collapsed against the beam of light, flooding into it. The light gone.
I'm almost just waiting for the screen by this point. You've built this up in properly terrifying fashion so far and its only getting more and more terrifying with each passing second here. So far this is going along great and building up rather nicely. Hopefully it can end on a similarly high note here.
My eyes fly wide open, trying to see what was in front of me. Hearing my own distressed breathing, I waited for her to move once more. Suddenly, the clouds parted for a small moment, and a low tremor of light glowed from the moon revealing the forest scenery around me. I was alone.
I stared forward, searching for her silhouette, but she was gone. My heart only pounded harder, it erupted up my throat. I hear a small breath behind me, right up against my ear. “Eddy.”
Ooooh, well not quite the climactic moment that I was expecting to see here but nonetheless a very intriguing one. I think you've managed to pull of a pretty interesting scene here and I loved it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think you've managed to do a really good here with this particular piece and on the whole it makes for a pretty good read. I'm certainly hooked enough to want to read more here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
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