As the prince lays dying

by Maki-Chan

Published September 19, 2009

Haven't written any poems in such a long time. Here's one, inspired by a picture.

Here it is. Don't be too harsh please T_T

As the prince lays dying


As the prince lays dying,
The monster is unslain,
And the innocent live in fear,
The kingdom is in chaos.

As the prince lays dying,
The princess is captured,
Bounded in chains,
Unable to return to her home,
She is tainted and empty,
Her love dead.

As the prince lays dying,
His sword stained with blood,
It remains,
Frozen in time,
Purposeless,
It’s master silenced.

As the prince lays dying,
Evil rains supreme,
Everything is covered in darkness,
Hope stolen,
Happiness vanished,
Love destroyed,
The fairy tale is over.

Comments & reviews · 3
Random avatar
Monument Soul
Review
Monument Soul wrote a review Review · Sep 19, 2009

not a very unexpected twist in a tale
may be even cliche'...

but hey,sometimes Royal Red, looks good on the walls
so kudos for that.

man is more of a monster than beast will ever be.
perhaps beauty and beast will get along better.

this poem is simple and there are some mistakes but what I say really is about changing your idea of what a poem is...

roses are overrated, become a wall-flower that overlooks the garden.
or atleast become a jungle orchid.

User avatar
Maki-Chan
Comment
Maki-Chan commented Comment · Sep 19, 2009

Forestqueen808 wrote:Okay. I really liked that! You know, you always wonder...what if the prince didn't win? I really loved that poem because you never hear anything like that and it seemed really unique to me. It was great how you kept repeating, As the prince lays dying, and then describe how the sword's master was dead, and princess was still captured. I would advise you to keep writing! It was awesome!


Really? I am glad you liked it so much ^_^ I haven't been able to write any good poetry for a while, and well I guess this brakes the chain of bad poems.
:elephant:

Forestqueen808 wrote a review Review · Sep 19, 2009

Okay. I really liked that! You know, you always wonder...what if the prince didn't win? I really loved that poem because you never hear anything like that and it seemed really unique to me. It was great how you kept repeating, As the prince lays dying, and then describe how the sword's master was dead, and princess was still captured. I would advise you to keep writing! It was awesome!



Your hesitation suggests you are trying to protect my feelings. However, since I have none, I would prefer you to be honest. An artist's growth depends upon accurate feedback.
— LCDR Data