z

Young Writers Society



As the prince lays dying

by Maki-Chan


Haven't written any poems in such a long time. Here's one, inspired by a picture.

Here it is. Don't be too harsh please T_T

As the prince lays dying


As the prince lays dying,
The monster is unslain,
And the innocent live in fear,
The kingdom is in chaos.

As the prince lays dying,
The princess is captured,
Bounded in chains,
Unable to return to her home,
She is tainted and empty,
Her love dead.

As the prince lays dying,
His sword stained with blood,
It remains,
Frozen in time,
Purposeless,
It’s master silenced.

As the prince lays dying,
Evil rains supreme,
Everything is covered in darkness,
Hope stolen,
Happiness vanished,
Love destroyed,
The fairy tale is over.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 1233
Reviews: 52

Donate
Sat Sep 19, 2009 4:23 pm
Monument Soul wrote a review...



not a very unexpected twist in a tale
may be even cliche'...

but hey,sometimes #BF0000 ">Royal Red, looks good on the walls
so kudos for that.

man is more of a monster than beast will ever be.
perhaps beauty and beast will get along better.

this poem is simple and there are some mistakes but what I say really is about changing your idea of what a poem is...

roses are overrated, become a wall-flower that overlooks the garden.
or atleast become a jungle orchid.




User avatar
287 Reviews


Points: 1650
Reviews: 287

Donate
Sat Sep 19, 2009 3:01 am
Maki-Chan says...



Forestqueen808 wrote:Okay. I really liked that! You know, you always wonder...what if the prince didn't win? I really loved that poem because you never hear anything like that and it seemed really unique to me. It was great how you kept repeating, As the prince lays dying, and then describe how the sword's master was dead, and princess was still captured. I would advise you to keep writing! It was awesome!


Really? I am glad you liked it so much ^_^ I haven't been able to write any good poetry for a while, and well I guess this brakes the chain of bad poems.
:elephant:




User avatar
151 Reviews


Points: 8414
Reviews: 151

Donate
Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:57 am
Forestqueen808 wrote a review...



Okay. I really liked that! You know, you always wonder...what if the prince didn't win? I really loved that poem because you never hear anything like that and it seemed really unique to me. It was great how you kept repeating, As the prince lays dying, and then describe how the sword's master was dead, and princess was still captured. I would advise you to keep writing! It was awesome!





You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese