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Young Writers Society



gffhfh

by MaitrePrinceRebel


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1274 Reviews

Points: 35774
Reviews: 1274

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Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:05 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Since you were the last person to give me a review (and perhaps the only one to give *gasp* constructive criticism on) a song and since a quick scroll revealed this is the only song on the first page with no reviews, I thought I'd go ahead and review it.

I really liked this. The first verse threw me off a bit. I'm not quite sure who's busy dangerously thinking. A subject pronoun may help there. And I didn't like the wealth line.

In the second verse, it says "Trying to do their best" but what are they trying to do their best at?

Good job, keep it up! :thumb:





Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
— Philip Pullman