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A Love Note

by Mahima


It was a rainy day in the morning and the first day of college. I wore a new dress for the first day of college. But my forever bad luck gave me company. A car splashed water on me and when I reached the college I gave a good first impression of an idiot. When I reached the classroom and sat on the first bench (because only the front was empty), I saw a piece of paper. I opened the paper and someone had written a love note. It said "I love you". I started imagining four boys following me with roses. Then, all of a sudden, I remembered my bad luck and came back to reality. Who must have left this love note here? Was my question. I saw around me there were hardly any girls in the class as it was a mechanical engineering class. The surrounding girls all looked like daughters of VIRUS from the 3 idiots’ film. This was not just for those girls, but boys were also not in the option (because they looked like sons of the virus). Then I thought maybe this was written by the last batch of students, but the paper looked clean and fresh without any crush marks. Then I thought I'd throw out the paper because if any lecturers came to know about the letter I might be in trouble. So, I aimed to throw it into the dustbin, but by my bad luck (and also bad aiming) it fell outside. I did not bother to pick it up and put it back in the dustbin. The first lecture came, and she introduced herself and asked the compulsory question “introduce yourself” (which no one was interested in listening to). After the class was over, we all left the class and while leaving college I remembered about my umbrella, so I had to go back to class. When I entered, I saw the college principal in the class. He was talking to someone about a paper which was important to him. I started imagining the principal giving a love letter to someone, and it looked funny because the principal was 60 plus years old. I thought I would tell him that it was near the dustbin. So, I asked him if he needed any help with finding the paper. Secretly, I smiled and gave the paper to the principal. Then he thanked me for finding the paper because there was an important number behind the paper. Then slowly I asked about what was written on it, so he said it was written by his youngest granddaughter. I silently shouted at myself for thinking in the wrong way and left the classroom. Then, when I almost left college, I remembered that my umbrella was still in the classroom.


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9 Reviews

Points: 148
Reviews: 9

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Sun May 19, 2024 8:32 pm
AmberMelanie wrote a review...



Mahima~
I really like this story you wrote. It really captures the college experience and "bad luck" a lot of students feel, especially on the first day.
It reminds me of a drama I would watch, with the false hope and the weighing options of different people, and then at the end it gets crushed...
I also love how much the adverbs add to the character. "Slowly," "secretly," these feelings the character is going through...
It is such a great and creative story! I especially love the ending.




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9 Reviews

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Reviews: 9

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Sun May 19, 2024 7:52 pm
TOPAWG wrote a review...



First Impressions💕: This was a sweet and adorable read. The protagonist’s experiences in this narrative are highly relatable, especially for students starting a new chapter in their academic life; the anxiety of making a good first impression and the mishaps that follow make the reader empathize with the narrator. The narrative also has a light-hearted and humorous tone, particularly in the way the protagonist deals with bad luck. The vivid description of the rainy day, the water splash, and the classroom setting helps the reader visualize the scenes, and the comparison to characters from the movie "3 Idiots" provides a cultural touchstone that enhances the humor. Additionally, the unexpected revelation that the love note was actually an important paper from the principal's granddaughter is a clever twist that subverts the protagonist’s expectations and adds depth to the story.

TIPS✏️📑
→Transitions: Some transitions between scenes are abrupt. Smoother transitions could help in maintaining the narrative flow. For instance, the leap from the protagonist reading the love note to imagining four boys with roses could be made more seamless.

→Conclusion: The ending is humorous, with the protagonist forgetting the umbrella again, but it feels a bit rushed. Adding a concluding thought or reflection from the protagonist could provide a more satisfying closure.

Finally💕: Overall, this was short and sweet, I loved how you captured and portrayed the overwhelming anxiety facing a new step in one's life. I'd work on the pacing of the story and improve on transitions, other than that, 5/5 ✨✨✨✨✨ stars! Thank you for sharing your work, I hope to see more soon, if you uphold your work anywhere else do let me know!

—TOPAWG




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Sun May 19, 2024 6:48 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was a rainy day in the morning and the first day of college. I wore a new dress for the first day of college. But my forever bad luck gave me company. A car splashed water on me and when I reached the college I gave a good first impression of an idiot. When I reached the classroom and sat on the first bench (because only the front was empty), I saw a piece of paper. I opened the paper and someone had written a love note. It said "I love you". I started imagining four boys following me with roses. Then, all of a sudden, I remembered my bad luck and came back to reality. Who must have left this love note here? Was my question. I saw around me there were hardly any girls in the class as it was a mechanical engineering class. The surrounding girls all looked like daughters of VIRUS from the 3 idiots’ film. This was not just for those girls, but boys were also not in the option (because they looked like sons of the virus). Then I thought maybe this was written by the last batch of students, but the paper looked clean and fresh without any crush marks. Then I thought I'd throw out the paper because if any lecturers came to know about the letter I might be in trouble. So, I aimed to throw it into the dustbin, but by my bad luck (and also bad aiming) it fell outside. I did not bother to pick it up and put it back in the dustbin. The first lecture came, and she introduced herself and asked the compulsory question “introduce yourself” (which no one was interested in listening to). After the class was over, we all left the class and while leaving college I remembered about my umbrella, so I had to go back to class. When I entered, I saw the college principal in the class. He was talking to someone about a paper which was important to him. I started imagining the principal giving a love letter to someone, and it looked funny because the principal was 60 plus years old. I thought I would tell him that it was near the dustbin. So, I asked him if he needed any help with finding the paper. Secretly, I smiled and gave the paper to the principal. Then he thanked me for finding the paper because there was an important number behind the paper. Then slowly I asked about what was written on it, so he said it was written by his youngest granddaughter. I silently shouted at myself for thinking in the wrong way and left the classroom. Then, when I almost left college, I remembered that my umbrella was still in the classroom.


Well this is quite the little piece here. I will start out by saying that it is a little bit in need of being split into paragraphs here, its a little tough to read as is and could definitely do with at least being split into the two parts here just so that its a little more clear when the scene transition from the initial note to then finding out more about what the note is actually about.

I think you capture a first day of college quite nicely there, the awkwardness of everything and not knowing what anything is going to be like and of course to have that kind of note situation go down on the first day too really catapults it into quite something there. I love the way that we have that immediate assumption and then quiet but embarrassing discovery. It really captures the awkwardness very well I think and it leads to a powerful moment as a result. And I adore that ending, just putting a cherry on top like how it can happen on days where things go wrong like that.

Overall I think you've done a wonderful job capturing exactly that vibe of a first day and one with that little bit of extra awkwardness and drama. I think you do this very well here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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7 Reviews

Points: 471
Reviews: 7

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Sun May 19, 2024 12:45 pm
Kem6o wrote a review...



Hello and Good morning/evening/night whichever part is at you place!
I am Kajal and I am reviewing your work today.

It is a great story and from the begining to the end it is enjoyable. I liked the start of the story on how you describe the rainy day and the dress the author wears. I should make a note that the all time description of bad luck was indeed a little amusing. Also the mention of the term 'Virus' left a humorous mark in my mind.

There was a trouble while reading this excerpt, when the teacher comes i am thinking. You have used a 'she' without paying heed to describe the new character more.

The story turns on a different direction abruptly when the principle is found looking for the note. But here too how the author suddenly gives the note to him was not clearly stated.

And by the end it shows that the writer still forgot her belonging in the class due to the note thing which beautifully gives a perfect cute and funny end to the well writen story.





#longlivebigbrother
— alliyah