Suicide

Hello! This was a very wonderful piece and one alot of us can resonate with. I don't mean to such an extreme, but I definately felt what your character Stella was felling.

I love how you really opened this up to the perspective's of each character, each one who was effected by the suicide.

My one and only negative thought on this is that I really beleive this is shorter then it should be. I wanted to see Stella analyze everything that was told to her. I wanted to hear her exact thoughts. Thoughts like, "I am not pretty BECAUSE I...." The same for every other character we ment in this.

Keep up the good work, darling. I loved this story!

Hey doll! This is a really good piece, and what makes it so great is the different points of view. Whenever I read a work about suicide, it is always from the point of view of the victim. By using different perspectives, you show how one person's death affects many other people. Aside from the story itself, you have some work to do editing. In the first line, you mention the bottle being empty twice, I suggest taking one 'empty' out. Try to improve the flow of the story by combining some sentences. In the fifth line of the third paragraph, you have 'she' typed twice, so you need to delete the repeated word. In the last sentence of the third paragraph, your content regarding fear is a little unclear. I would try to rewrite the sentence to best explain your thoughts. I have one last nitty-gritty comment about the piece. This type of story idea can very easily become a cliche plot line if you are not careful. Offereing different perspectives, definitely helped you to make this your own. Good work.

Rarity♦

Hey! Great job! This has great potential to be hard-hitting. I think to make it more effective you could combine sentences so that if flows easier, rather than having the reader stop every few seconds. Perhaps if you added some more descriptive detail about Stella, that would help us feel more empathetic toward her suicide.

Hey there!

So, just a quick review. I appreciate your ideas here, and suicide is a poignant issue. I also agree with Bhay, you have the start of an interesting sort of narration, switching PoVs and such.

However, you need to use commas and the space bar and just... fewer periods. This reads almost like a telegram or something, and it's completely ineffective and tedious to read when you have to mentally stop every five words. Additionally, I am a true believer in "show, don't tell". I have absolutely zero mental images when reading this. It feels like a chilly, straight-up narration of events. Nobody wants to read that! If you really want to make people feel for Stella and empathise with your characters, you need to let us get to know them on a much deeper level. You need to go into much greater depth for each one and you need to give us something to look at in our mind's eye.

Currently, this is this bare bones of a story. It's a good idea, but little else. With a lot of work and expansion, you could have something great!

Keep writing! I'm interested to see what you do with this.

-Tori

Hey there, I'm Brie:) Welcome to YWS!

Okay, first off, I want to tell you how amazing this idea is. You're telling a story that many people can relate to. I love how you have multiple people's perspective on the news that Stella has killed herself. It was interesting to see how everybody thought it was their fault.

There are a few things you should probably read through, though. Like the first sentence of the first paragraph.

"The empty bottle of pills sits on the table, empty."

You've told us here that the bottle was empty twice. Take out one of them here, preferably the first one.

"But it'll be an escape. From the pain and isolation, it'll all be gone."

This part is ready sort've choppy the way you have it punctuated. maybe try something like this- "But it'll be an escape form the pain and isolation. It'll be all gone."

"...pain yanks at her from inside."

I think you mean- "...pain yanks at her from the inside."

See? Just some simple errors that could easily be cut out if you just read it over. Even read it out loud (i know that sounds funny) to yourself to see if it reads correctly. That's how I find a lot of stupid errors I've typed.

Other than simple errors within the piece, I thought it was a really great piece.
If you ever need any help, or want me to specify my review, you can inbox me or something, okay?
Nice reading your piece, keep writing!:)
-Brie