E - Everyone

Once I Went to England...

Once I went to England,
I stayed there for a week.
When I got back to Switzerland,
I couldn't move my feet!

And it was Summer!

My feet were frozen stiff
from walking on the floor.
The cat, Magic, had a cold...

AND IT SOUNDED REALLY WIERD WHEN HE SNEEZED!!!

Comments & reviews · 5
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Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review · Sun Mar 31, 2013 11:45 pm

Hey Malla!

Shady here with a short review for your poem this fine evening. :D

I really liked your first stanza. It was amusing.

However, your poem degenerated into a confusing block of...obtuse text. I don't know what 'The cat, Magic, had a cold...AND IT SOUNDED REALLY WEIRD WHEN HE SNEEZED!" has to do with cold feet, or walking on a floor..

Anyway. It was fairly funny, even if I don't make the connection.

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)

User avatar
Rainn
Review
Rainn wrote a review · Sun Mar 31, 2013 5:46 pm

This is a very interesting poem, to say the least. XD
For the style, I think you did a goo job. It was silly, cute, and kinda random. Although, I would like to here more about England. :3
Overall, I really don't have much to say. This is a nice little poem you got going, and I encourage you to try and make it bigger. >:3

Keep writing, and don't stop!

~Rainn

User avatar
StoryWeaver13
Review

Despite the fact that I have ADD and am perpetually falling through one rabbit hole to the next, I'd say that this poem is very, very distracted - even for me.

Actually, I don't even know how it veered so fast! You were in England and back in only two lines. XD Don't tell us about Switzerland or the time or year or your sneezing cat! TELL US ABOUT ENGLAND!

Okay, I'm calm again. It's just...you lied to me. This was not about a trip to England. It wasn't really about anything at all.

It was admittedly entertaining to read, but, that being said, I still have no idea what exactly I just read. I mean I'm really confused. This was...what was the point of this? I'm just...asdfawleffasdf.

Well, I realize that this was far from a proper review, and for that I apologize.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

User avatar
bandgeek101
Review

This poem was a nice trip from the norm. It was funny and energetic, but I'm not sure it really stayed on topic. You wen from England to your cat, and I think the poem needs a bit more substance. You say it's about your trip to England, but it doesn't really seem o be about anything. Try to focus on one topic and maybe your poems will grab the reader's attention more than this one did. It was a funny poem, though. If you mad an effort, that's all someone can ask.

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lalarawrmonster Comment

Very different from how most poems are written, but that isn't a bad thing. Kind of sounds like a funny camp song. Reading this brought a smile to my face, so it was funny. The rhythm is strange though.



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