E - Everyone

Joke's on You

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Joke's on You

The last day of being a junior in high school has finally arrived. Cue the music! Only one year left at this dreaded place. Though at least I have the honor to spend with my very best guy friend in the world! Cameron and I are very close friends. We love each other dearly.

I walked out of the house with two bagels in my hand, one for Cam and one for me, and walked to his house to pick him up. I walked up to his home and ring his doorbell six gagillion times. His mother answers and tells me he already left. I smile and shrug my shoulders replying 'oh well' and carry on to my journey to school. And I eat his bagel, because, well, he left without me!

I'm almost to school when my curly haired friend jumps out from behind a tree and squirts me!

"Geez, Cameron!" My friend just laughs. He was wearing a grey faded Rolling Stones t-shirt and bright blue high-tops. "Due to this stupid scheme you planned, I ate you bagel!"

He looks at me with a serious face and says, "well that's just mean." I smirk then run to him and jump on his back. "Whoa, Macey, you could of holded on eating breakfast entirely this morning."

I slap the back of his head, then he carries me off the school.

——————————

As the last minute of school ends everyone gets up and screams and runs to the hallway. I skip past people and head to my locker to finish cleaning it out. Cam is already at his locker next to mine and closes his as I arrive. He then leans against it and smiles at me, then frowns and looks behind me.

"Don't look now, but the Pops are coming by." The Pops are our name for the popular people.

"Yah! I absolutely love them!"

"Me too!" He sarcastically replies. I shut my locker and grab his arm to quickly get out of the school.

"Um...Mameron and Casey! Wait up," the Queen B shouts. We start to run. "Oh no you don't, I have something to ask you!" We stop and turn around.

"What?!" Both Cam and I shout.

"Are you two dating?"

"No," we reply. Then we turn around again.

"Wait! That wasn't what I wanted to ask you!"

"What do you want Katie?" I ask.

"This isn't my question, but are you single Cammie?"

"Who's Cammie? I'm pretty sure there is no one at this school called that," Cam exclaims.

I lean into him and whisper, "I think she was talking about you." He looks at me with a shocked expression.

"Anyways Cam, you have gotten so much hotter, this next question does not apply to you," Katie says. "Though Macey, next year a TV show producer is coming here to hold auditions and they are going to film here too. I'm clearly gonna get the lead on the show, but that means you have to be a background person. Could you by any chance get prettier over the summer? I have a list of plastic surgeons here from my mom for you," she hands me a slip of paper. "I don't want your ugliness to embarrass the school."

"Why thank you for thinking of me," I say smiling, she nods her head. I roll me eyes and turn away.

"And Cam, I would love for you to be my boyfriend anytime," he rolls his eyes and turns away too.

"And Cam, I would love for you to be my boyfriend anytime," I mimic in a high pitched voice.

"I'm sorry Mace, I think we're good in the friendzone," I laugh, and we link arms as we leave our school and walk home.

——————————

We both entered my house and jumped on to my couch. Cam sat at one end and I sat on the other side so I could lay my feet in his lap. Then, right on time, my mom pulls into the driveway with my brother. So Cam and I run all the way up to my room and shut and lock my door.

Cam lays down on my bed and I sit in my chair. "So what should we do this summer?" I ask.

"I think we should do something fun and different everyday."

"Whoa! Hold on there, do you really think we can manage that?" I sarcastically say. He looks at me and throws a pillow at my face. "Hey!"

"I have an idea!" He jumps of my bed and shouts.

"Can u speak up, I can't hear you," I say.

"Ihaveanawesomeideathatwecoulddoeveryfreakingday!" Being the person that I sadly am, I understood all of that. We both enjoy speaking very fast and loudly.

My brother, Luke, opens my door and sticks his head in the room. Mom wants me to tell you to shut up or go to Cameron's house. Her back hurts, she has a headache, she's tired, whatever." We both just stare at him. "Thank you for your cooperation." He shuts the door and leaves. Cam sits down on my bed.

"As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted. I have an awesome idea that we could do each and everyday."

"And what is this genius idea?"

"We could create like a video diary of us everyday of summer vacation."

"Are we basically just posting videos of weird selves for other people's entertainment?"

"Yes, precisely."

"I like that idea, I'm in!"

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
cosplayJ2 Comment

This is a nice comedy and I enjoy humor. Thanks for the entertainment.

User avatar
OliveDreams
Review

Hi Maggie! I'm here as part of the Green Lanterns Team to review your chapter for this fine review day!

I will review as I read so I can get all my ideas out as I go! Hopefully it will make perfect sense to you. If not, feel free to message me with any questions.

Here goes!

I like this relationship you've created already! It's sweet and endearing but I think somewhat predictable. I'm hoping that you prove me wrong and do something totally different here.

I would have also liked to have seen a few hints as to what Macey looks like. We have a brief description of Cam but not her. I cant quite picture her yet which is distracting!

“Oh no you don't, I have something to ask you!" We stop and turn around.” - Why do they listen to her?! She can't be that powerful. Maybe you could make this a little clearer.

“I lean into him and whisper, "I think she was talking about you." He looks at me with a shocked expression.” - This really made me laugh because I can picture his expression!

I really liked this first chapter. It's got bundles of potential. Good luck! I hope to read more soon!

Olive <3

User avatar
TriSARAHtops
Review

Hello! I'm going to go straight into the review:

I walked out of the house with two bagels in my hand, one for Cam and one for me, and walked to his house to pick him up. I walked up to his home and ring his doorbell six gagillion times

You've used the word walked a few too many times there... twice in a sentence. It can sometimes be tricky to find synonyms for words like that, but it might be worth trying to rephrase your sentence slightly. Also, watch out for colloquial words like gagillion, it might be better not to exaggerate.
Also, watch your tenses. You tended to switch from past to present a couple of times.
There are a couple of small grammar mistakes in the piece, here and there, so watch out for them.
I like the story idea and the characters, I think as the story goes on, there's a lot of potential for you to further and further develop them.
Some of the dialogue needs a bit of work, to make it more believable, I don't quite believe the situation of the 'pop' randomly going up to a character who I assumed to be pretty unpopular and wanting to be his girlfriend.
Keep it up, I reckon you've got what could be a really clever, witty story here!

User avatar
Willard
Review
Willard wrote a review · Sat Aug 24, 2013 2:15 am

You can call me Remer Strangelove and I'll be reviewing this chapter. I'm going to do my cons, my pros, and my overall breakdown.
Cons: I came into this with big expectations because of the title and story idea, but was let down. Im not calling it bad, but I was disappointed. First off, it's main idea is unoriginal. It follows the main writers basic idea of High School revenge story. Though it was more original then a lot. I'll break that down in the Pros. Also, I do have complaints. Complain number 1: They aren't texting in the bed room. So the "u" and the "Ihaveanawesomeideathatwecoulddoeveryfreakingday!" is really un needed. Change the u into you and the whole conjoined word into seperate words but say "said in rapid speed." I guess that will make it have more sense. Complaint numbah 2: Grammar. There are few mistakes
Pros: This somehow is so real. I have a kid at my school just like "Cammy" He is very feministic and has a best friend just like it. It all makes sense. It is more original then other stories like this because it is real!
Overall: Good job, and I would be looking forward to a second chapter :)
Mandrake gives you...
6.98/10
Good job
Keep writing!

User avatar
novelist
Comment

Great story, Maggie. I hope you continue with this idea, I can't wait to read what will happen next! The two friends act almost alike, which is a little redundant. Maybe if their personalities weren't so similar.

User avatar
birk
Review
birk wrote a review · Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:32 pm

Hey Maggie!

Welcome to YWS, I hope you enjoy yourself here.

Alright, I love humor stories and having a good laugh, so of course we need to check this out.

Not a lengthy review, as its quite a short chapter and I didn't find too much to comment on.

First off, I like your title, though so far it's not connected too much to the story itself.

Aside from some of your sentences being a bit small and fragmented, your writing style is pretty decent, even though I did find some grammatical errors here and there.

It could still use a bit more comedy though, even if this is just a short entry to the story. Small things that add more life to the story.

edit

Though at least I have the honor to spend it with my very best guy friend


and walked to his house to pick him up

Generally, when you pick someone up, you bring a vehicle. I'd say you went to meet him.

edit
six gajillion times.


edit
and carry on with my journey to school.


And I eat his bagel, because, well, he left without me!

Funny line, but fragmented and with too many commas. Just mention you eat his bagel because he's a douche.

edit
I ate your bagel!"

You also mention it here, so maybe the line before it might be unnecessary.

edit
you could have held off eating breakfast entirely


"Are you two dating?"

I have to admit, this was in my mind too. They "love each other dearly", they ride each others backs...

I have a list of plastic surgeons here from my mom for you

Missed an excellent spot for a yo momma joke.

we link arms as we leave our school and walk home.

Again, they link arms? You sure nothing is up?

My brother, Luke, opens my door and sticks his head in the room.

Remember, you locked the door. Did he bust it open?

You also forgot quotation marks when he spoke.
To make it easier to see who is talking, break up the paragraphs when someone is talking.

Alright, Vlog time, I'm hoping they do some funny stuff.
Keep it up Maggie!

Cheers
Birkhoff



But there was no goat man, there was NEVER any goat man!
— OSP Red