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Young Writers Society



The Three Lockets [Chapter 8.4 + Chapter 9]

by Mageheart


Author's Note: I overestimated how many words I needed to tie up the scene in the altar room, so I decided that it was best to cut the next, very short chapter in this lms update as well. I also decided to have Cass come to the revelation that Aspen was going to have - it just fit the scene more when I was trying to write it.

I really love both parts of this update, and I'm very, very excited to be finally giving a look at someone other than Cass's life.

Words: 1,500

Last Line(s): Taking an unsteady breath of her own, Cass reached over and hesitantly grabbed onto Lira's trembling hand. She gave it a tight squeeze, and tried her best to give the reassuring smile that Aspen always gave her when Lira stared over at her with red, tear-filled eyes.

They held each other's gaze for several moments. Aspen limped over to where they were standing, looking on as Lira slowly raised a hand to wipe away the tear rolling down her flushed cheek. 

“He lied,” Lira whispered.

Cass thought back to when she had been crying only a short time before; it was horrible showing something so raw and personal in front of someone who was little more than a stranger. For Lira to tell them something like that, it wasn't because she wanted to share that information with them. It was because she wanted to give justification for the action. And while Cass wanted to ask her what Nebris had lied about, she couldn't possibly risk making Lira feel even more terrible than she currently was. 

Aspen seemed to understand that, too. She remained just as silent as Cass was, and only spoke once fresh tears had stopped falling from Lira's eyes. “We found out about the contracted just a little while ago,” she said. She carefully leaned up against the altar and studied Lira. “I'm guessing you didn't know about them, either.”

Lira managed a nod. “Nebris...Nebris never mentioned them.”

“Maybe he's not yours,” Aspen hesitantly suggested. Cass wildly looked over at her, horrified that she had voiced the doubt that she had also been thinking. When Aspen averted her gaze, Cass quickly turned her attention back to Lira. 

Lira's eyes had widened at the possibility, but then she frantically shook her head. Ripples gently traveled across the surface of the small puddle around her feet. “It's him,” she said. She raised a hand and pressed it on her chest. “I can feel it in my soul. I guess...I guess it's why it hurts so much to know that he's lying to me.”

Cass glanced down at her own hand.

Aldonius had done the same thing, too, when talking about souls. She rested it against her chest, watching it rise and fall as the memories of her first meeting with him replayed itself in her tired mind. He wasn't supposed to be afraid then, or later, or even when he had hurried out of the park. He was supposed to like her. Trust her. She had known that the moment they had locked eyes in Rey's bustling streets.

Little memories flickered through her mind.

Aldonius fiddling with something underneath his cloak when he had to explain what contracted were.

Aldonius comforting her by rubbing her on the back, despite having only seen her twice before and never even having an actual conversation with her.

Aldonius's magic connecting her soul and his, and her feeling something right and wonderful the moment he began to heal her.

Aldonius rushing away right when she started asking if he knew her contracted; his lie about having no idea had been so obvious, but she had been stupid enough not to go running after him.

And Aldonius calling her Cass.

Not Cassandra Hughes.

Not Cassandra.

Cass.

Her contracted wasn't someone who knew Aldonius as a close friend.

Her contracted was Aldonius.

Chapter 9

It had been less than ten minutes since King Kartiel IX had returned to the castle, but word of his return had already managed to spread to his most trusted mage Orpheus. All of the castle's servants wisely stepped out of the way as he strode down the hallways, and even the king noticed his mood when he entered the throne room. His posture grew noticeably straighter, his book laying open and forgotten on the shoulder of his golden throne.

“We need to talk,” the Dark Mage said.

He kept walking over to the throne, only coming to a stop when he was a foot away from the throne. Two pairs of tired, violet eyes briefly met as he looked the king over. 

“What do you wan-” Kartiel began. 

“Cassandra Hughes,” he interrupted. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot on the ground. “She has one of the missing lockets. But you already know that, don't you?”

The king gave no response.

Orpheus sighed, hood falling back as he ran his gloved fingers through thick locks of black hair. In the year that he had served the king, he had faced many obstacles. But this one in particular frustrated him the most; they weren't just talking about the past that Kartiel so frequently avoided mentioning. “Cassandra is in Rey,” he plainly stated. The king could try ignoring the topic of the other two lockets, but he had to understand the dangers.

Kartiel slowly nodded. “She is.”

“We should bring her here,” Orpheus insisted. “If she falls into the king or Ikach's hands, then-”

"She's not coming here.”

He stared at the king, heat rising to his face as disbelief welled up from within. He bit his lip to hold back an angry retort; the metallic taste of of blood flooded his mouth as his teeth broke through skin. Logic was his key to victory in this argument. Kartiel wasn't evaluating the situation like he do with regular matters concerning the kingdom's security, and a good dose of common sense would be enough to sway his opinion.

But, then again, when had Kartiel ever been rational about Ikach and the lockets?

He took a deep breath.

“My king,” Orpheus said, and Kartiel immediately stiffened at the title. Good. He understood that it wasn't just about him, and that he needed to think for an entire kingdom. “Retrieving Cassandra should be our utmost priority right now. If Ikach gets his hands on the other golden locket and finally discovers its secrets, Telorum could fall.”

Kartiel thought over what had been argued, then let out a heavy sigh as he turned his attention to the window on the other side of the room. Orpheus followed his gaze; magenta and violet leaves swayed in the gentle breeze blowing across the castle's expansive gardens, illuminated by the lanterns floating nearby. There was nothing quite as beautiful as Telorum's natural wonders. Orpheus let himself take in this specific one for a minute, then once again focused on the issue at hand.

“She'll come on her own,” the king said.

“Will she really?” he asked. “Or is that just an excuse?”

Kartiel looked back at him.

“She will,” he confirmed, his grip on the throne's shoulders tightening. “She might not have realized it yet, but 'Aldonius' is her contracted. Once the memories reveal where he's disappeared to, she'll come running after him. It's only a matter of time.”

He frowned. “And then what?”

The king let out another sigh. “Fate will run its course,” he finally said, voice heavy. It was only when he spoke with such a weary tone that Orpheus remembered just how much older the king was in comparison to him; he had been through things that he could only imagine, and hearing that sorrowful tone to his voice made him worry for his own future.

“It's...It's impossible to stop a contract,” he hesitantly agreed; his own voice had become a little more than a whisper. He gave him an unsteady smile, not quite certain if what he was going to say was correct or not. “We just have to trust that things will turn out alright.”

Kartiel dipped his head in agreement.

After a moment passed, he raised it once more and studied his mage, gaze flickering between him and the door. “Your hood is off,” he commented. Orpheus wanted to argue that the door was closed and that was no need for the concern, but knew that doing so would be pointless.

He sighed and pulled it back up.

“If you don't do it first, I'll bring the topic of Cassandra up with the council,” Orpheus said. “You should prepared for them voting to retrieve her immediately, even if you think she'll come on her own.”

A ghost of a smile danced across Kartiel's lips. “I know my politics, Orpheus. I've been king since before you were born.” The smile faded into a more serious expression. “But I am glad that you're getting a handle on how the system works. It won't be long until I'm teaching you common court etiquette-”

“We've talked about this,” he interrupted.

“We have,” Kartiel agreed.

“I don't want to rule Telorum,” he said, his voice cool.

“It's your destiny,” Kartiel argued. “You're the closest person I've had to an heir in years.”

Orpheus turned around, biting his lip as he started heading towards the doors. “I'm going to my quarters now. If you want to talk about Cassandra, I'll be there.” He glanced over his shoulder for the briefest of the moments, then turned his attention back to what was in front of him. “But if it's about me learning how to be royalty, I don't want to talk. I never signed up to become Telorum's new king when I started living here.” 

He stormed off into the hallway, cutting off the sigh leaving Kartiel's lips with the slamming of the throne room's doors.


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Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:56 pm
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Panikos wrote a review...



Heya, Mage! Back again for another review.

Small Comments

“It's him,” she said. She raised a hand and pressed it on her chest. “I can feel it in my soul. I guess...I guess it's why it hurts so much to know that he's lying to me.”


I don't really get how she can be so confident about this. She's only just found out that contracts exist, and she knows next to nothing about the details of it. Even if she does have an overwhelming sense that she's connected to him, would she not doubt herself slightly? It's a bold assumption to make so soon.

as the memories of her first meeting with him replayed itself in her tired mind


Presume you meant 'themselves' here.

Her contracted wasn't someone who knew Aldonius as a close friend.

Her contracted was Aldonius.


Somehow I didn't guess this, yet it also feels quite...obvious. I'll talk about this more in the small comments, because I'd love this moment to feel much more climactic than it is.

It had been less than ten minutes since King Kartiel IX had returned to the castle


FINALLY we get to meet this fella! Yes!

He kept walking over to the throne, only coming to a stop when he was a foot away from the throne.


Replace the bold with 'it'.

He bit his lip to hold back an angry retort; the metallic taste of of blood flooded his mouth as his teeth broke through skin


Try not to overdo the whole 'biting your lip so hard you draw blood' thing. It's not really that common. You might do it if you were terrified and not thinking; I don't think you'd do it if you were just irritated.

a good dose of common sense would be enough to sway his opinion.

But, then again, when had Kartiel ever been rational about Ikach and the lockets?


I thought you were going to say 'when had Kartiel ever cared about common sense?' and completely roast the guy. It's a shame you didn't. :P

“My king,” Orpheus said, and Kartiel immediately stiffened at the title. Good. He understood that it wasn't just about him, and that he needed to think for an entire kingdom.


Really liked this part. It says a lot in very little words.

If Ikach gets his hands on the other golden locket and finally discovers its secrets, Telorum could fall.”


Might just be me, but I think this line would be stronger if you cut the part I've crossed out. Just maintains a little more mystery.

Kartiel thought over what had been argued


Are we seeing this chapter from Orpheus's perspective or Kartiel's? For the most part you orientate yourself in Orpheus's POV, but you get slightly head-hoppy in places.

“Your hood is off,” he commented. Orpheus wanted to argue that the door was closed and that was no need for the concern, but knew that doing so would be pointless.

He sighed and pulled it back up.


Intriguing.

Overall Thoughts

This is kind of a piece of two halves. Chapter nine is probably one of my favourite instalments so far, but I'm less certain about the end of chapter eight. I'll focus on the latter first, just so we can get the negatives out of the way.

So I want to talk about the reveal. In itself, the realisation that Aldonius is Cass's contracted is a pretty awesome thing, because it sets up some cool questions about why he lied and explains the connection between them well. However, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad underwhelmed by the revelation. It didn't hit me in that 'oh, WOW, of course!' kind of way; I just found it a little bit predictable. I think the only reason I didn't guess that Aldonius was Cass's contracted is because I expected something...more unexpected, if that makes sense?

But the thing is, I'm not against Aldonius being Cass's contracted. I do think it's really cool, story-wise. I just think you've given it away way too soon, and the problem is that we didn't even get the chance to speculate about who else might be her contracted. The only person she's met in this world that's felt significant to her so far is Aldonius, so it just seems pretty anti-climactic that we've discovered the truth of his link to her so soon. You've missed out on the chance to ride out this mystery, mislead us, keep us guessing, and THEN turn round and reveal that Aldonius was her contracted the whole time. As it stands in the current story, it's feels like giving away the identity of the murderer when the reader has only met one suspect.

So that's my main gripe with this instalment, and I'm sorry to be a downer about it. However, I can happily say that chapter nine was excellent. I loved the change of pace and the chance to see a new setting and new characters. I've warmed to Kartiel and Orpheus's relationship already; unwilling royals are quite a weakness of mine, and it's fascinating to see them talking about Cass from this outside perspective. I noticed that they used Aldonius's name in air quotes, as well - who is he really? Friend or foe? I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for villainous Aldonius, even if I think it isn't likely. But I'm equally convinced that Kartiel isn't villainous either, despite what everyone's said about him. Still, I'm a sucker for a story where the antagonists aren't clear cut evil-doers, so I'm loving all the uncertainty about who to trust.

This chapter was definitely much-needed, because it feels like it's put Cass's situation into perspective - the stakes seem much higher now we know that Telorum's monarchy is fixated on her. It also adds extra suspense, because we as readers now have a better understanding of this world than Cass does, and we'll be able to follow her story with insider information about Kartiel and Orpheus's motives. I expect that that will make all of her future chapters more interesting. It's great.

That's about all I've got to say. I was underwhelmed by the big reveal, but Kartiel and Orpheus's introduction is great and I'm really excited to unravel the mystery surrounding Cass and the locket. It feels like things are finally heating up in this story; you're pulling out the big guns now.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




Mageheart says...


Thank you for the review!

Try not to overdo the whole 'biting your lip so hard you draw blood' thing. It's not really that common. You might do it if you were terrified and not thinking; I don't think you'd do it if you were just irritated.


I'll just say that I have a sneaky ulterior motive for the biting your hip and drawing blood part, but I can't say anymore without risking spoilers. ;)

As it stands in the current story, it's feels like giving away the identity of the murderer when the reader has only met one suspect.


I understand exactly what you mean. If the beginning of the story wasn't dragging so much already, I might have drawn it out, but Cass knowing her contracted is Aldonius is like a really, really small baby step in the overall course of the story--I wish I could say more, but I'd end up spoiling it for you. Hopefully the pacing will work better once you know more of the plot.

I loved the change of pace and the chance to see a new setting and new characters.


I loved it too--it's been so so so frustrating sticking around in Cass's head for these first chapters, and it feels like a breath of fresh air to finally have gotten to write about someone else.

I noticed that they used Aldonius's name in air quotes, as well - who is he really? Friend or foe? I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for villainous Aldonius, even if I think it isn't likely. But I'm equally convinced that Kartiel isn't villainous either, despite what everyone's said about him.


;)

It also adds extra suspense, because we as readers now have a better understanding of this world than Cass does, and we'll be able to follow her story with insider information about Kartiel and Orpheus's motives. I expect that that will make all of her future chapters more interesting. It's great.


I admit that wasn't entirely my intention, but sweet! :)

Thanks again for the review!



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AvantCoffee says...



Her contracted was Aldonius.


HER CONTRACTED IS ALDONIUS. (Well now I just feel stupid for missing that)

*goes back to reread park chapter* >.>




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Wait but did he lie or did he just not tell Lira anything??? I may be misremembering but did Nebris not just peace out after she asked him that??? But EITHER WAY, like, whoa, he's clearly head-over-heels for Lira, so I'd expect him to be happy about being her contracted! But either lying or refusing to answer makes it seem like he's not happy for some reason. Which I guess could be my former prediction that he's not her contracted, but Lira seems a thousand percent sure right here, and honestly I'd think she could feel it, based on my understanding of contracteds so far.

WAIT WHAT HOLDUP WHAT IS THIS ABOUT ALDONIUS

Does this mean Aldonius is a fallen??????????????????????????????? Is he not human like I just sort of assumed he was???????????????????????????????

okay why does the very first description of the king's reaction to the Dark Mage entering the room remind me of Red and Kiernan

Omg what a dadship right here.

Okay maybe it's because of the way Kartiel's apparently immune to logic and Orpheus wants to facepalm right now and Kartiel's significantly older than Orpheus and they just generally remind me of Red and Kiernan in all the best ways, but I'm super pleased right now with having met these two.




Mageheart says...


Wait but did he lie or did he just not tell Lira anything???


Annnd now I just realized I completely forgot to include the part where she says that he was lying about not knowing Aldonius. (He had come in their conversations multiple times.) Thanks for pointing that out to me!

But either lying or refusing to answer makes it seem like he's not happy for some reason.


;)

Does this mean Aldonius is a fallen??????????????????????????????? Is he not human like I just sort of assumed he was???????????????????????????????


;) Remember, Cass has been getting her info on the fallen and gods from Lira, who got her info mainly from her religion and a very small bit from Nebris. So things may not appear as simple as they seem when it comes to appearances. ;)

]
okay why does the very first description of the king's reaction to the Dark Mage entering the room remind me of Red and Kiernan


It reminds me of them, too!! I'm not sure if you remember, but there was one night when I messaged you on Discord about Kartiel and his mage, and said they kept making think of Red and Kiernan, and I'm really happy you saw the similarity too!!

Omg what a dadship right here.


Yes.

Okay maybe it's because of the way Kartiel's apparently immune to logic and Orpheus wants to facepalm right now and Kartiel's significantly older than Orpheus and they just generally remind me of Red and Kiernan in all the best ways, but I'm super pleased right now with having met these two.


Yay! :)

Also I promise Kartiel can be a very logical man when he needs to be he just has his few very emotional things and this convo manages to involve pretty much all of them so rip Kart

(Also you have no idea how much I started grinning when I read your review!)




The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star