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Young Writers Society



The Three Lockets [Chapter 14.2]

by Mageheart


Author's Note: This update didn't go quite as anticipated, but I do like what ended up happening. I'm sure it'll answer some of your questions and give you more new ones~ It was especially fun getting to write interactions between Orpheus and Cass, seeing that they haven't gotten to chat since the incident in the throne room.

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Words: 1,947

Last Line(s): “I don't know what else you were expecting me to say,” she further teased, grabbing onto his hand and leading him towards the door. “You know I hate talking about myself. It's far more fun talking about you and your kingdom. Now, we probably should hurry—Dari wanted me to bring you to his shop today.”

Before he could get another word in, she darted out into the hallway and dragged him down the stairs to the main hallways of the castle.

When she opened her eyes, it was to sunlight streaming in through the window beside her bed. She blinked away the last remnants of sleep and reluctantly left the warmth of the quilt. In the short time she had been asleep, she had managed to knock a good portion of the pillows to the ground; the plush dragon she had been cuddling was the only thing that remained in relatively the same place. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do next. Kartiel had said to wait for the Dark Mage, but it didn't seem like he was up yet.

Or maybe he was, and he was avoiding her, too.

She tried to push the thought out of her mind, but it stubbornly remained as she started to pick up the pillows. She finally was able to switch her focus to her latest dream. Kartiel had seemed so different back then, whenever that dream had happened. It was as if she had experienced memories of a completely different person. It was a very strange dream in retrospect. Though she couldn't put a name to his face, she was sure that she had seen the man somewhere else—and not just in the dreams.

Cass sat down on the edge of the bed.

Whoever he had been, Kartiel had certainly loved him. He had made him feel happy, and feel like he wasn't alone. They were two peas in a pod, joined at the hip, soulmates—the phrase didn't matter. They were connected, and the man had made all of his hurt fade away. Cass knew the feeling; she felt the same way every time she was around Aspen.

But for Kartiel to change so much from the time of the memory to now, Cass was sure something had happened to the man.

She didn't even know the man's name, but the thought made her eyes begin to well up with tears. She knew she was right. There was no other explanation, and the sorrowful pang in her soul confirmed her guess. King Kartiel missed him dearly. He felt other ways about him, too, but it was the longing that made her heart hurt so much now.

There was a knocking on her door.

Cass unsteadily got to her feet, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her hoodie. She couldn't let whoever was there seeing her crying. She didn't even want Aspen to see her crying, so a stranger seeing her right now was out of the question. When her cheeks finally looked deceptively dry—confirmed by a quick check in the mirror—she opened the door.

It was the Dark Mage.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

Cass hesitated.

Then she gave a small nod and stepped aside. He slipped into the room, softly shutting the door behind him. The two quickly fell into a surprisingly awkward silence. She remained by the door, and he lingered in the center of the room. She nervously watched him; all she could imagine was his angry outburst from the previous night. The lack of visible facial features only made things worse. They might have provided a clue to what he was thinking, but right now she could only guess that he was glaring at her from underneath his hood.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his gaze traveling throughout the room. The only direction his head didn't turn to was hers.

“I'm sorry for what you saw last night,” he apologized. His voice was surprisingly quiet. “I was tired, and Ka-the king and I argue all the time about...that. He's stubborn. But I guess it must run in the family, because I couldn't stop myself even when it was to give you a better welcome to the king-”

He stopped and stared at the bed.

Cass watched, confused, as he rushed over. Had he seen something out the window while he was glancing around the room? She didn't know what that something could be, but it made a knot of worry grow in her chest.

But then he leaned down and grabbed something off of the bed. When he turned back to face her, she was surprised to see that he was holding the dragon plush. “That's where I left you,” he said to the toy. If she had been startled by how quiet his voice was earlier, she was shocked to hear how relieved and upbeat it sounded now.

He suddenly seemed to remember that she was there, freezing awkwardly in front of the bed and staring at her from underneath the cowls of his cloak. He was the Dark Mage. She was supposed to be afraid of him; that was what Lira had said. But it was hard to be scared of someone who got embarrassed over his apparent love of stuffed animals—it just made him seem more human, even though she knew that was a silly thing to think.

“I have stuffed animals, too,” she quietly told him, finally finding her voice.

His shoulders relaxed. “Oh.”

“...I like yours,” she hesitantly added. “Does it have a name?”

He glanced down at the dragon in his arms. He seemed like he was mulling over an answer; she wondered why he would be so reluctant to share something like that.

“Her name is Axima,” he said.

She gave him a shy smile. “It's a pretty name.”

He pulled the dragon closer to his chest. “Thank you.”

They fell back into an awkward silence.

He returned to the bed and sat down on it with his legs crossed, cloak draping over the side of it. Axima was carefully placed beside him. A gloved finger absentmindedly twirled a strand of black hair as he watched her from the mattress. Cass didn't know what evil was supposed to look like away from fiction, but the Dark Mage didn't seem evil. He seemed so normal. If it wasn't for what Lira had told her and for his strange attire, she could have easily thought of him as a regular person.

“It's nice getting to talk to someone around my age,” he commented. He continued to spin the strand of hair around his finger, gaze wandering to Axima. “...The people in the castle are all kind to me, but sometimes I don't think they understand what it's like to be a teenager.”

Cass stared at him. He was only a teenager? His voice had sounded young, but Cass hadn't put the pieces together. King Kartiel's feelings about him suddenly made sense; he felt so protective of him because there had to be an age gap between them.

He gave an embarrassed laugh and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I know it's a stupid thing to think...”

She frantically shook her head.

“It's not,” she reassured him. She was still trying to reconcile with the implications of him being just at teenager—if he was just her age, could he really be that powerful?—but she pushed her conflicted feelings aside. “I just thought you'd be older.”

“Because I'm the Dark Mage?”

She hesitated, then nodded.

He stopped twirling his hair. “The other kingdoms like to spread rumors about me,” he said. “I don't go out much, so they end up guessing most of the time. They think that I'm the king's subordinate because I spend so much time around him.”

“It's because you're related,” Cass guessed.

He nodded.

“...Is he your uncle?”

A small noise escaped him; Cass was almost certain that it was a giggle. “I'm the uncle, actually,” he informed her. He glanced in the direction of the dragon, and suddenly his tone grew more somber. “My sister i-was his mom. There...There was a large age gap between us, so I never met her...”

Cass followed his gaze to the dragon. Its design almost reminded her of the fallen she had seen in her vision—the same black wings, same violet eyes and same black scales. As they fell back into silence, she tried to imagine that mysterious fallen. The Kartiel of that dream had been more like the Kartiel of the present day, sharing his detachment and loneliness.

She hadn't given his heritage much thought before now. She knew that he was a fallen, and she could guess that fallen could hide their inhuman parts of their appearance. That was why he looked so normal to her. But she didn't think his father—who had appeared human in her dream—had been a fallen. He had mentioned that only Kartiel's mother could show him how to fly; he must have been missing the wings to.

That would mean his mother was the fallen.

Lira had almost been right in her guess about Orpheus. He was hiding his face, but it wasn't because he had corrupted it with his darkness magic.

He was hiding it because he was a fallen, just like his sister.

“You became a fallen a year ago,” she guessed.

He grabbed the dragon and got to his feet.

“Did you see it in a dream?” he asked.

She nodded. “I saw right after you...fell.” She wasn't sure if she was using the word correctly, but he didn't seem to care if she was using it wrong. He walked over to the door and lingered in front of it. Another moment passed. Neither one of them spoke. Cass wasn't sure what she was supposed to say next. Maybe she was biased because Kartiel was part fallen, but she didn't feel as afraid of Orpheus as she had been when they first met.

And, when he removed his hood with trembling gloved fingers, any fear that remained vanished in an instant.

How had she missed how young he looked the first time?

“Are you scared of me?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“Aren't you at least worried that I fell because I did something bad?” he asked. One hand rested on the doorknob; the other still held onto the dragon. The way his violet eyes kept darting around the room was akin to that of a terrified, caged animal. “Gods become fallen for a reason.”

She thought over the question.

“I know I should be,” she admitted, “but you seem...nice. People our age can do horrible things, too, but I don't think you're one of them-”

She stopped when she saw the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I-I never thought an outsider would say something like that,” he said. He tried to wipe the tears away with the edge of his sleeve, but it unsurprisingly did little to help. He gave her a small smile. She quickly returned it. “Kartiel's lucky to have you as his contracted, Cassandra.”

Her smile faltered. “...I don't think he sees me in the same way.”

His own smile faded as well. “Before...Before I fell, Kartiel lost someone important to him.” His hand dropped from the doorknob and hung limp at his side. “He doesn't even like to talk to me about it. I think...I think he's forgotten how to trust people. It's not you that's the problem—he just doesn't want to be someone's contracted.”

“Isn't he the one who will make the contract?”

Orpheus hesitated.

“He will,” he confirmed. “But people change a lot before they eventually make contracts, and no one can ever really predict how a contract is going to happen. He might want one with you in the future, but right now it's the last thing he wants.”

She thought of the man with the beautiful blue eyes and windswept light brown hair.

Orpheus cleared his throat.

“I can show you around the castle and some of the capital now, if you want,” he offered.

She gave a small nod.


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Mon Jan 20, 2020 4:04 am
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Lib wrote a review...



Hello Mage!!

Here to drop off a hopefully not too time consuming and/or boring review. Let's START.

Okay. So much has happened since I last reviewed, I don't know where to start, ahahah. Well, I know one thing for sure: I'm really really enjoying this novel and honestly cannot wait to see what happens. :)

Just for the sake of it, I'm going to sum up everything that's happened so far very quickly! Aspen and Cass are taken to a new world, they meet Lira and Rodet, they go and stay with Lira, Cass has a weird attraction to Aldonious, Telorum wants Cass and the lockets, and ALDONIOUS IS KARTIEL AND HE'S CASS'S CONTRACTED. That's like, the craziest part of all of this. :D

Right. Also, one thing I have been noticing is that in the memory-dreams, Cass always calls herself-in-Aldonious's-head 'her' and 'she' which kind of confuses me, makes me pause and retrack and then continue reading. But then again, if you were to say 'him' and 'he', that would sort of be confusing too since it's Cass and Cass is a girl. I mean, you could just put it in Aldonious's point of view. But you won't be able to really since this is a no point of view story... So... I don't really know. Let's get off this topic, my brain is hurting. :P

Well, nothing more to say! Unless you have any questions you want me to answer, I'd gladly answer. Also, just saying, if my mom asks me why I stayed up so long tonight, I'll point my fingers at you. Be happy I'm telling you this now! Make up an excuse in advance, because reading isn't going to be the answer my mother will want. ;)

[marquee]And as always...[/spoiler]

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




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Fri Jan 25, 2019 4:56 pm
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Panikos wrote a review...



Heya, Mage! Finally caught up again.

Small Comments

She tried to push the thought out of her mind, but it stubbornly remained as she started to pick up the pillows. She finally was able to switch her focus to her latest dream.


You could definitely condense this - there's a lot of needless information here. Maybe swap it for something like: 'She tried to push the thought out of her mind, focusing on her latest dream instead'.

It was as if she had experienced memories of a completely different person.


When I first read this I was like '...but you did experience the memories of a different person??' Then I realised what you meant. I think it's just a bit too ambiguous - you need to specify that 'completely different person' = somebody other than Kartiel.

They were connected, and the man had made all of his hurt fade away.


Hm. It's a bit of a cliché that being with a loved one can make all of your pain disappear, and I don't think it's particularly true. I feel like loved ones make pain easier to bare; they don't get rid of it.

Cass knew the feeling; she felt the same way every time she was around Aspen.


oh honey you're so gay

“I'm sorry for what you saw last night,” he apologized


We can tell it's an apology. Just use 'said'.

And, when he removed his hood with trembling gloved fingers, any fear that remained vanished in an instant.

How had she missed how young he looked the first time?


I find it strange that you don't describe Orpheus more here? It only has to be brief, but if he's removed his hood and shown his face properly, I feel like you should say a little bit about what he looks like.

Overall Thoughts

I'll start by saying that, like Blue, I was confused by the whole realising-Kartiel-was-part-fallen bit. I'd figured out that Orpheus had to be a fallen, but I hadn't connected that to Kartiel. I don't necessarily think that the 'only your mother can show you how to fly' line would make Cass assume that Kartiel's mother was a god. I mean, when I heard it, I thought the mum was dead and it was a reference to heaven or something.

I think it'd make more sense if you did it the other way round - Cass could twig that Orpheus is a fallen, then realise that Kartiel has to have some fallen blood in him, given that Orpheus is his uncle. I feel like that would be a lot more logical, because there's not much evidence from the memories alone that points to Kartiel having godly ancestry.

All that aside, I did really enjoy this chapter. I can't believe Orpheus is so young! I thought he'd be an adult, at least, given that he's got such a reputation. I do question how he's managed to become so feared and hated when he only fell a year ago, though. That's a short amount of time to accumulate so much bad press, especially given that (by the sounds of things) Kartiel barely lets him out of the castle. Yes, people do spread rumours, but hearsay is usually based on something.

He's a sweet character, though. I like him. The stuffed dragon toy belonging to him was a cute touch, and I'm really looking forward to him and Cass bonding more. It does seem pretty absurd that he was ever tipped as a villain, though, because he couldn't be less antagonistic if he tried. Maybe the real enemy in this novel is Kartiel's depression.

I guess I should've been expecting that the mystery guy from the memory was no longer alive, or else he'd have probably put in an appearance by now. Poor Kartiel. I wonder what happened to him. I'm already wondering if Lira's dad had something to do with it, because I still reckon that he'll turn out to be the actual antagonist. I'm probably way off the mark with that, though.

That's all for this one! Looking forward to the next.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




Mageheart says...


Hey, Pan! Thanks for the review. <3

I think it'd make more sense if you did it the other way round - Cass could twig that Orpheus is a fallen, then realise that Kartiel has to have some fallen blood in him, given that Orpheus is his uncle. I feel like that would be a lot more logical, because there's not much evidence from the memories alone that points to Kartiel having godly ancestry.


I love that idea, too, but I'm just trying to figure out how Cass wouldn't realize the truth about Kartiel. She knows that they're contracted, and that people end up in contracts with gods and fallen - maybe it would be more of a question of if he's fallen vs. a normal god?

All that aside, I did really enjoy this chapter. I can't believe Orpheus is so young! I thought he'd be an adult, at least, given that he's got such a reputation. I do question how he's managed to become so feared and hated when he only fell a year ago, though. That's a short amount of time to accumulate so much bad press, especially given that (by the sounds of things) Kartiel barely lets him out of the castle. Yes, people do spread rumours, but hearsay is usually based on something.


I'm 99.99% that it was @BlueAfrica that I was talking about this to, but I'm thinking that a good way I can make Kartiel and Orpheus both seem more villainous is by having religion being the main problem other kingdoms have with Telorum - the fallen are seen as bad, and therefore anyone who worships them would be, too. I feel like any other way is more difficult because I have to avoid painting Kartiel and Orpheus as horrible, horrible people once Cass gets to know them better, and previous bad events centered specifically around them would make that harder to do.

Now that I'm thinking about it, do you think referencing things previous kings have done might help me get around that problem as well? Like Kartiel might not have done something that inspires fear/hatred, but one of his predecessors might have.

Maybe the real enemy in this novel is Kartiel's depression.


;)

(I'm not sure if you saw that new description of the novel that I posted on the club's wall and on my own, but the main focus on the story is supposed to be friendship and other close relationships. I've just been having trouble conveying that for awhile, especially since my original ideas for the novel were very different than what I've come up with in the past few months.)



Mageheart says...


(Also, Blue, if you want to reply to this, too, since you've been bringing up a lot of the same concerns, I'm chill with that!)



Panikos says...


I think the whole 'previous monarchs have done bad things' could work, especially if the emphasis is on the fact that Kartiel has not denounced their actions and continues to profit from them, even if he hasn't continued the same practices. I think it just needs to come off less like the characters are saying 'Kartiel is a bad, evil person!', because that seems like you're telling the reader how to think. We should be able to form the opinion organically, based on what we overhear of him. Having Telorum's monarchy be historically Not Great could definitely work, because then you'd end up with an interesting grey area where Kartiel seems like a decent person, but he's still standing on the shoulders of all the bad stuff that's happened prior to him. It's a thought, anyway.

I'm not as convinced that the religion stuff would work as well. You could still bring it in, but the religion is such a new part of this universe that it's again going to be hard for the reader to relate to. And for Cass too - the rules of a religion she doesn't follow and hasn't grown up around wouldn't be able to taint her opinion that much. The concrete actions of a monarchy might, though.

What I do think is key is that you make at least some of the criticism of Telorum/Kartiel valid - there should be reasons for us to doubt his character, even if we end up liking him. He should have proper flaws. At the moment, it mostly comes across like Rey has just been completely misrepresenting him, which is a bit 2D. But we should be able to understand why so many people detest him, even if we form a different opinion in the end. Hope that helps!



Mageheart says...


It does! The predecessor bit is definitely going to be hard to pull off, but I definitely agree with what you said.



BluesClues says...


Whoops I'm here! I agree that the prior monarchs thing would work, and would work better than religion, particularly if it's, like, the majority of monarchs Telorum has had and if their Evil has affected the people of Rey in a significant way, like wars or something. Because then, even if Kartiel hasn't done anything, the people of Rey will probably be really suspicious like "okay clearly he's up to something because we haven't heard anything out of Telorum for a while, at least when they're being Evil out in the open we know what to expect." Like, you know, if he didn't do anything but also didn't make remotely any peaceful overtures, they'd probably actually freak out even more than when his predecessors did actual Evil.



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Tue Jan 22, 2019 1:19 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Okay, so first I want to address a moment of confusion I had. Or not exactly confusion so much as a moment of logic I have difficulty following.

She hadn't given his heritage much thought before now. She knew that he was a fallen, and she could guess that fallen could hide their inhuman parts of their appearance. That was why he looked so normal to her. But she didn't think his father—who had appeared human in her dream—had been a fallen. He had mentioned that only Kartiel's mother could show him how to fly; he must have been missing the wings to.

That would mean his mother was the fallen.

Lira had almost been right in her guess about Orpheus. He was hiding his face, but it wasn't because he had corrupted it with his darkness magic.

He was hiding it because he was a fallen, just like his sister.


TO BE FAIR, I've obviously been reading this over a long period of time, so maybe I've missed something soewhere. Or maybe it's all the "he/him" pronouns here, because since Cassie's talking to Orpheus in this scene I assumed we were talking about Orpheus early on in this paragraph. But then it seems like we're talking about Kartiel's lineage, not Orpheus', so... I don't know, I had a hard time following Cassie's line of thinking here. Plus I don't think I had made the connection that Kartiel's a fallen in the first place, unless of course it was explicitly stated when he was Aldonius and I just forgot.

In which case it's probably just the pronouns, unless it's also the actual writing.

I'm not sure, but I guess let's see if anyone else has issues with this bit or if it's just me.

Otherwise, I like seeing more of Orpheus' humanity and particularly Cassie's astonishment over his age - it is pretty weird to think of him as a teenager, with both how "evil" and how powerful he's supposed to be. I honestly wasn't expecting the plush dragon to be currently in use - I assumed at first that this was someone's old room and that this dragon was an old stuffed animal, no longer in use but kept for some sentimental reason, but it was kind of a nice little twist that it's actually Orpheus' plush dragon that he still carries around or sleeps with or whatever.

The villains still aren't feeling really villainous, but I think that may be more of a problem with the earlier chapters where we met them than necessarily this.




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Mon Jan 21, 2019 5:38 pm
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FireSpyGirl says...



Some questions answered, more questions arise!




Mageheart says...


evilly rubs hands together

All is going according to the plan~

(Also, thank you so much for leaving comments on every chapter! I keep forgetting to thank you for them, but I really do appreciate seeing your thoughts on what happens.)



FireSpyGirl says...


:) Of course!




I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe