Published January 10, 2010
I'm not emo. I just have a person who is inside of me. I don't cut myself either don't believe me? I'll post a picture of my wrists if I have to.
Warning- May cause emotions to flare
The Blade
I don't feel as if it's an addiction
I feel better when I do it
I can't make it on my own
plus no one cares
The blade is my best friend
I cut myself slowly
To enjoy the pain
it seems like my only escape
Life gets harder and harder for me
daily the trouble builds
And my world is burned into ashes
I don't want to rebuild it
Because as soon as I do
down to the ground it would go
The black around my eyes is the sleepless nights
asking myself why
I don't want your help
you don't care for me
I was just trying to be myself
you go your way I'll meet you in hell
All these secrets that I shouldn't tell
It's so hypocritical of you
You know what you do as you do
I'll never be perfect enough
I'll just cut myself
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Interesting poem... yeah. So anyhow, I like your disclaimer at the beginning but I think that if you don't feel the emotions, than you can't really describe them enough to bring them to life, or really give them glory and/or reality. It's sort of like writing about your mother dying but that never actually happening to you personally. It's you're an outsider witnessing it through a window.
It is a monologue, which is good, and bad at the same time. Good in the way that it streams the speakers thoughts as they seem to think it, but bad in the way that the situation seems even more like you're just looking in on it from a window.
I want to read the emotions. I don't want the emo kind of poetry that just skims over the emotions. If you want to portray this story, you need to portray it with more blatant honesty. I want to know more about what this person's feeling. The best I got was;
"Life gets harder and harder for me
daily the trouble builds
And my world is burned into ashes"
That isn't saying much. Tell me more, basically, give me some detail. This person is feeling awful, and the poem only lists stereotypical reasons for why.
Lay off the stereotypes.
They kill the poem. They make it sound like a cliche.
So in all, more detail, less stereotypes.
It is a good poem with a lot of potential. Beef it up.
Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
I think when you write a poem that you have to have feeling. Not knowing what it's like to be emo means it's hard for you to write about it. Therefore giving no emotion while you are writing, which you can tell in the poem. I think that you should stick with something you are familiar with.
I didn't enjoy it, doesn't really seem to accurately describe how someone would feel in such a horrible situation. There isn't a meaning, just a long string of random masochist thoughts. A poem doesn't have to rhyme, but it does have to have a purpose to be good (there might be an exception i haven't come across yet, I guess).
I wouldn't throw a random rhyme in there
'is' should be 'are' i'm almost sure
asking why... what?
er... when did that come into this? You should make it clear where the problem is coming from. 'just being yourslef' and (i'm assuming) people not accepting you isn't something you'd cut yourself over, unless you were emotionally weak. Not the case of this character seeing as he/she has a strong sense of 'fuck you'(in my opinion).
It was pretty good. And I'm normally not into 'emo' poems. Although I do write some poems that I guess could be considered emo. I myself am still not sure what emo is. Great poem though. Shows a glimpse of the self-injury world. Hope that doesn't sound to psychological.
Great poem.