This poem is close to my heart out of my journal. And I wanted to share it. Please tell me what you guys think. 
Alone
She stood out in the rain
crying for her mother not to go
But, she didn't listen
she wasn't up for any discussions
Her mother keeled down to her
brushed her wet hair behind her ear and smiled
She didn't say a word, just looked in her eyes
"The world is a cruel place. But, in it is some good."
The girl began to cry and beg
her mom kissed her head and hugged her tight
Her mother got into her car and drove off
The girl stood in the road and watched
Every inch the car left, the girls heart broke
A girl alone in this world
Alone to raise her own
But, learning to be better
Would be a battle she owns
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Hello,
I agree that this was a powerful poem, though a little twizzler-ifying at the end. I don't understand why her mother left her, especially after stating some odd, cryptic and unmotherly comment. I know poems are supposed to be rife with symbolism but this just felt unfinished.
And about this line:
that's my suggestion for that line.
Besides that, great job and keep writing,
EMpress
*Tear* This is a very powerful poem. I am like Mr.Knightley, I wish you had expanded a little bit more. Why is the Mom leaving? How old is the little girl? Where is the Dad during all of this?
There were a couple of lines that bugged me. I think Mr.Knightley already pointed out one of them. When you said it wasn't up for discussion, I don't know, it just didn't fit. The other line that bugged me was with every inch the car left, the girl's heart broke. Not only is it awkwardly worded, but it also feels rather cliched to me. Perhaps you could come up with something a little more creative to explain the pain the daughter was feeling.
Other than that, this was very good!
Hi there, Mage_Banks. I'm Conrad, and I will be your reviewer for today.
So, on an emotional level, you've got some pretty strong stuff going on here. That's all right, but you kind of let it fall off near the end. You need to strengthen that part up quite a bit, in my opinion. It may necessitate lengthening the poem a bit, but I think it would be worth it.
Aside from that though, you have a pretty decent work here. Thank you for sharing it with us. If you have any questions or comments, just send me a PM.
Good job, and good luck.
-Conrad Rice
#BF0080 ">Hello, your Magey-ness.
So, as I've already told you, I'm not great at reviewing poetry (as much as I enjoy reading it,) but here are some things I think might help you out with this one.
The punctuation is a bit weird. It's free-form, but you should still put punctuation where it's supposed to go. You don't have to put it at every line--just where it fits in the sentence. I'm going to copy the poem and make what changes (as far as punctuation is concerned) I would recommend in my signature pink!
#BF0080 ">Here are some things other than punctuation.
#BF0080 ">So, she doesn't say a word, but she says "The world is a cruel place. But, in it is some good." Or is that what the girl sees in her mother's eyes? You should probably clarify that a bit more.
#BF0080 ">In the second line, it mentions that she is crying. So, if she's already crying, maybe she would start wailing at this point? I just wouldn't use "cry" twice. It's not really as strong a verb as this poem suggests it should be.
#BF0080 ">This is somewhat awkward wording. Perhaps try something like "For every inch the car left behind, the girl's heart broke more." I know that's not really very strong, but you could probably think of something.
#BF0080 ">I'd say "is a battle she owns," because her mother's left, she's got her problems; it's not in the future. This battle is happening at this exact moment.
#BF0080 ">Overall, I can tell by the way the scenario pans out that you've put your heart into it. It's a heartbreaking thing to have happen.
It doesn't say why the mom leaves, exactly, but I suppose that's how some mothers are, or maybe the girl needs to grow up more and figure things out on her own. I don't know. But the poem is portraying the anguish she's feeling with her mother leaving her at a time when she needs help. I think you should re-read it and think of ways to make the emotion stronger. Make the reader feel hopeless along with the girl. Right now we feel sorry for her, but we need to know how she feels. I know you can do it. You're on the right track.
Keep up the good work.
Vanadis
Well, I think you've written a terribly sad story, and it kind of distracted me at first. I used to have nightmares just like this about my own mother leaving me, so that might be it. Once I read it through a second time, though, I was able to see beyond that. Even though it's such a sad telling, I still believe you've left a lot open, though by mistake or design I don't know. I wonder why her mother has to leave her; I wonder if the separation is permanent or only temporary; I wonder why the mother tells her daughter what she did, instead of saying comforting words. All these things kind of confuse me, but you don't necessarily need them to complete the poem. I'm just asking the questions that appear to me.
I do have some nitpicks:
This second line makes the mother sound almost irritated, or as if the daughter is asking for something trivial, thus using that "tone" with her. I don't think it works in here.
This is a contradiction. You first say that the mother didn't speak at all. Then you write what she is saying to her daughter. Also, I'm curious why she chose those words instead of others more comforting.
This sentence reads strangely. I think you need to add something to it or change it completely. You say that every inch the car drove, the girl's heart broke. But if you mean it broke again and again with every inch, you need to specify that. If you mean that her heart broke more with every inch, try and specify that also. But it doesn't seem right the way it is. :/
This stanza alone stuck out at an odd angle in context with the rest. It needs some punctuation, a rephrase, or... something. I'm not sure what. I wish I could help more by saying something other than that.
I think, overall, that you have a good start. And other than those few things, this is nicely written.