The beast

by MadwriterRuf

Published March 6, 2013

E - Everyone

                It was getting darker as I walked through the dark woods, looking for a way out of it. A few hours before, this forest was an enchanted place, full of life, beautiful old trees, brightly colored flowers spreading a wonderful sweet fragrance which reminded me of fresh strawberries.

               

                However, as the sun was coming down this staggering scenery faded and gave way to a gruesome one.  The birds were no longer chirping. The only sound that I could hear was that of twigs and leaves cracking as I walked on….

                “I should have listened to the villagers” I told myself.

                But then I remembered; the story that they told me about the forest seemed so stupid. “The beast will come for you if you go there at night.” they said. They had even introduced me to an old man who claimed himself as the only man who fought the beast and managed to escape. The man described the “beast” as half man and half wolf which made me believe that it was a made-up story to ward us away from their village since we were new and that’s why I wanted to explore the forest.

 

                I swallowed hard. “Well this was not such a great idea” I thought…

 

                Everything was happening as the old man had described it would be. The enchanted forest turned into a direful one.  Every single creature of the forest would be silent, as if they were ‘holding their breath’ and then suddenly you feel that you are watched and when you look for it, you will see only his silhouette and just behind him the moon would luster like never before….and he would slowly come to you and stab you to death…..  I was starting to doubt the fact that it was only a made up story…..

                I could feel fear building up in me, stiffening my muscles, overpowering my senses…. However I continued walking or maybe I should say that I did not have the guts to stop.

 

                Suddenly, I felt something move swiftly behind me. I stood there waiting for a few seconds; mustering all my guts to face the ‘beast’….I closed my eyes and slowly turned. When I opened them again, I saw the silhouette of a well-built man. His arms and legs were kind of bushy and I could see his sharp claws from where I was…..

He slowly walked towards me. I was tempted to run away but I remembered that I was lost and that even if I knew the path back to the village, he would catch me well before that.

                He was walking slowly, pressing on each of his footstep as if to imprint my last moments on my memory. When he was close enough, he stopped, looking at me, he took out a dagger and lifted it up and then stabbed me, once, then a second time…as he lifted his head and howled, I fell down to the ground in a serpent like movement and everything went black; I was dead……

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Booie
Review
Booie wrote a review Review · Mar 20, 2013

I like the way you flashed back to the old man telling her the story. It is a lovey way of writing. The only thing I have to say is I think you could have described her fear more and when she was dying there didn't seem to be any emotion in it. that is all i have to say otherwise it was brilliant!

XxXTheSwordsmanXxX wrote a review Review · Mar 9, 2013

This is a rather interesting idea. Personally, a few questions came to mind while reading this short story. Why is this character in the village in the first place? I mean it would make sense if he were looking for this beast or if he lived in the village and wanted to challenge the legend. Another question comes up. If this 'beast' has 'sharp claws' why does he use a knife to kill his victims? Why doesn't he just stab them with his claws instead? Just food for thought. Your delivery of a suspenseful tale was great and the description was very vivid.

User avatar
Chelbig695
Review
Chelbig695 wrote a review Review · Mar 6, 2013

I have to complement the fact that you gave that much suspense in such a short amount of words. The way you introduce the "beast" seems a bit cliche to me with his silhouette and the moon, but it worked for me when I was reading it. The logic behind the "beast" having a knife and the main character coming from a village seems off, but not much detail is put into this so I couldn't tell. I would also start off with explaining the old man's view of it before going into the forrest, like foreshadowing of some sort.

User avatar
Chelbig695
Review
Chelbig695 wrote a review Review · Mar 6, 2013

I have to complement the fact that you gave that much suspense in such a short amount of words. The way you introduce the "beast" seems a bit cliche to me with his silhouette and the moon, but it worked for me when I was reading it. The logic behind the "beast" having a knife and the main character coming from a village seems off, but not much detail is put into this so I couldn't tell. I would also start off with explaining the old man's view of it before going into the forrest, like foreshadowing of some sort.

thank you very much, the next time i will be more careful, thanks again :)



There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
— Arthur C. Clarke