subject, verb, object.

by Madiha

Published April 24, 2013

16+

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

[Plagiarized]

Read original poem here.
Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
SoundsOfLife
Review
SoundsOfLife wrote a review Review · Apr 28, 2013

I is not ego, not the sum
of your unique experiences,
just, democratically,
whoever???s talking,
a kind of motel room,
yours till the end???
that is, of the sentence.

The language, actually,
doesn???t think I???s important,
stressing, even in
grandiose utterances???
e.g., I came
I saw I conquered???
the other syllables.

Oh, it???s a technical problem,
sure, the rhyme
on so-so-open
lie, cry, I
harder to stitch tight
than the ozone
hole in the sky.

But worst is its plodding insistence???
I, I, I???
somebody huffing uphill,
face red as a stop sign,
scared by a doctor
or some He She It


There I posted it for you. :)

Now, this peace is a mess. I'm sorry but it is. I have no idea where to start. :?

User avatar
dark
Comment
dark commented Comment · Apr 28, 2013

NOOOO this was plagiarized! How dare you!

It is? How do you know?

dark replied · Apr 29, 2013

It says plagiarized in parentheses and says read original poem here with a link. Also the poem doesn't appear on the screen.

User avatar
Kafkaescence
Review
Kafkaescence wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2013

Everything from

Oh, it’s a technical problem,

down, I love. The first half isn't particularly cohesive or convincing, probing before realizing specifically what it's attempting to say, what you are attempting to say. It resorts to lines like
grandiose utterances

, transparently meaningless and evitable, and does very little to serve this piece past providing a context for what follows.

Your second half was charming and possessed all of the great qualities its predecessor lacked--strong metaphor, immersive voice, and an explorative meter. Moreover, it's confident. If you could translate this into the entirety of this piece in a future revision, I'd love to take a look.

-Kafka



Ghosts, demons, and ghouls cannot scare the cat's underling.
— TheMulticoloredCyr