IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE by Madi
“I don’t want to die.”
I lay on the hard asphalt, repeating those five words in my head. From the corner of my eye, I saw the brake lights of the car that hit me glare brightly in the darkness metres away.
With nothing else to do but wait for help to come, I did a quick assessment of my body.
I tried wiggling my fingers and toes, but all that did was cause sharp pains to shoot up my arms and legs. I lifted my head to see the bone of my right leg protruding from the skin, and my knee at a grotesque angle.
The bone in my left leg was thankfully still on the inside where it should be, but from the size of it, it was heavily swollen and most likely broken as well.
My left shoulder had popped out of its socket and a few of the fingers on my right hand were bent awkwardly.
I had road burn on nearly all of the exposed parts of my body from where I had rolled across the street upon impact of the car slamming into me. Plus, the giant stone digging into my back was awfully uncomfortable.
I pushed past the pain, which was rapidly turning to numbness, and tried to remember how I got in my current predicament.
All I could recall was walking home from work. I’d been in the middle of crossing the road when a car veered around the corner without its headlights on.
I think I might have passed out while I was rolling across the road, because I couldn’t remember anything between being hit and waking up in pain.
The driver staggered out of the car and clumsily walked over to where I lay. The driver dropped to his knees next to me, jolting my right leg in the process.
My vision went blurry with pain, and stayed that way, so I was unable to get a good look at the person who had caused me so much pain.
The stench of alcohol permeated the air with every shaky breath the driver took.
“I…didn’t…see you,” the driver slurred drunkenly.
I would have scoffed had I been able to draw in a proper breath, but from the crushing pain in my chest each time I inhaled or exhaled; I suspected one of my ribs had punctured a lung.
The driver awkwardly got to his feet and stumbled back to the car. He got in and drove away, swerving down the street.
With every moment that passed, my breaths turned from shaky into great heaving gasps.
Tears streamed down my face as I coughed up blood and thought about my family.
It only took another minute for me to die.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was horrible and gruesome. Personally, a little too much. I think that it would be best if you added more to this. A girl (or guy) just died. Thats big and sad and horrible. We need more on the character, build them up a little, give them a name and gender. Give the character a life, use flashbacks or begin the story elsewhere. Just add more, and this could be a great ending to a story. A sad one, for sure, but a good one.
Here is an example. One of my own stories, about a girl named Tara who gets in a bus accident and flashes back to her past a couple times. If you read it it may give you some good ideas.
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Keep up the good work,
Emmy
really good! well, creepy but good.
here are some good quotes that are related to death:
“If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?”
shutterfly125 Chuck Palahniuk quotes (American freelance Journalist, Satirist and Novelist. b.1961)
Similar Quotes. About: Meaning quotes, Death quotes.
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“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”
lynnie_buttercup David Harkins quotes (British Poet and Painter b.1958)
Similar Quotes. About: Love quotes, Death quotes. For: Missing You quotes, Good Bye quotes.
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“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”
Similar Quotes. About: Life quotes, Satisfaction quotes, Death quotes, Fun quotes.
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“A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)
Similar Quotes. About: Truth quotes, Sacrifice quotes, Death quotes.
Add to Chapter...
“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.”
William Ross Wallace quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Living quotes, Death quotes.
Add to Chapter...
“One can survive everything nowadays, except death, and live down anything, except a good reputation.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)
Similar Quotes. About: Reputation quotes, Survival quotes, Death quotes.
Add to Chapter...
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
figment719 Eskimo Proverb quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Happiness quotes, Hope quotes, Heaven quotes, Death quotes, Proverbs quotes. For: Missing You quotes, Good Bye quotes.
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“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
Winston Churchill quotes (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, God quotes, Death quotes.
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“He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided, of course, that he really is dead.”
Voltaire quotes (French Philosopher and Writer. One of the greatest of all French authors, 1694-1778)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Praise quotes, Death quotes.
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“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”
The Crow (1994)
hope these get you inspired!
Hi there,
I see you're new, so welcome
Ok, so on to your story- wow. Like, wow, this is really raw and solid. Gruesome throughout, for sure, but overall it was great.
My favourite part:
-I also like how It Only Takes a Minute is your title; it's very fitting.
Now I'll give you some of my suggestions:
-What about his/her family? To me this seems a little cut short. Detail is important, and I think if you'd added a little more emotion it could be even more powerful.
In fact, more details on emotions throughout would improve this story- you have a lot about your main character's physical state and the situation, but I want to feel their pain. A few descriptions here and there about how they're feeling could do a lot in terms of speaking to the reader emotionally.
Anyway, those are my suggestions- don't feel obligated to listen to them, but I thought I'd try to help
Happy writing!
-Briggsy