This is my first shot at poetry. I don't do poetry often because I know I'm far better at writing novels. But I did write it, for some strange reason. Well, be my guest to review it, I suppose.
Even now I imagine your face,
Sneering as you walked through that door.
I smelt the poison on your breath,
I smell it forevermore.
You leant in over me
With a bottle in one hand,
A knife in the other,
And you laughed like a lunatic.
I questioned you, but there was no answer.
You had no regard for how I felt;
I knew what was about to occur.
If I had screamed, would you have stopped?
If I begged and pleaded,
To show any mercy,
Would you have stopped?
The question still plagues my nightmares.
If I had run, would you have chased,
Me through till the end?
Would it have just infuriated you,
Bubbled the rage inside of you,
To melting point?
None of this matters, not anymore.
What’s done is done,
Despite my regrets,
Despite how I feel
I’ve won.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
It felt giddy to plunge that knife,
Inside that cold heart of yours,
I relished that feeling of content
As you spasmed to the floor.
I had to suffer the consequences,
I had to suffer punishment,
I had the opportunity to take your life,
For you ruined all of mine.
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140,546 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
This is really good for someone who supposedly doesn't write poetry. Personally I think that poetry and fiction are pretty close, especially when it's in this sort of form. Just one little criticism, the last line;
Is it meant to say all of mine? It makes it sound as though you have more than one life...
MAADDY! and you say you can't do poetry?
It has great imagery, and has a good flow,
This is really good
you should write more poems
-rainbowbubblex
This is actually pretty good. If you hadn't said that you don't write poetry, I would have never guessed.
I didn't find anything wrong with your word choice or grammar. However, I didn't like how you broke up your stanzas. The fact that they weren't even made your poem seem choppy and threw the flow off. Also, your poem rhymes in some places, but not in others. Since this is inconsistent, it also throws the flow off.
However, I did like that it told a story and overall, I liked it. I hope I get to see more poetry from you.
<3 this is amazing. I love the emotion you into it. The flow is amazing. You write poetry very well!
Nothing bad with it at all.