Grief has never been something easy for me to talk about. If I can help it, I prefer to avoid the subject because I end up feeling like a hollow log that if knocked against leaves a resonating sound behind.
But eventually if you ignore something so strong as grief it will come to bite you in the ass quicker than you can take off at a sprint.
Tasha was the love of my life. I realize it’s cliche to say so, but there’s not other way to put it. She was my best friend, my lover, my confidante, my muse. There are no words to describe how I felt when she died. If someone even offered me their condolences, there was nothing I could say. My mouth immediately dries up to the point where it felt like a whole bag of cotton balls was shoved down my throat. I can’t find a way to express how her death makes me feel. I make my way through life as a automaton now. There’s nothing for me.
So when grief arrives on your doorstep, be cautious.
It will take away your happiness.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is pretty good, it kind of makes me curious as to what the actual story will be like. A few things are missing here and there. One thing you are missing are some commas, those places should be easy to find though. Another thing, your use of present tense and past-tense get swapped a bit in the third paragraph. For example: "My mouth immediately dries up to the point where it felt like a whole bag of cotton balls was shoved down my throat." Either change dries to dried, or felt to feels. Also, before automaton, it should be an, not a. Overall this prologue is pretty powerful. I enjoyed it. Good luck!
Toodles
Skyler lestrange here to give some advice, opinions and help!
HERE I GO!!!
I wonder, are you going to add more to this story. I hope you do because it is really good so far and hope to read more. Although it is a bit short. Also keep the text in plain writing. Do not bold it for it looks more professional that way. :L
"I end up feeling like a hollow log "
Personally I like this simile. Keep up with the good similes. OK?
"So when grief arrives on your doorstep, be cautious.
It will take away your happiness.
The way it took away mine."
Beautiful ending words. I can never finish my stories with words like these. And the fact that you've actually given us a warning is as if we have been brought into the story which attracts the readers attention highly.
However just make it a little longer OK?
Thanks for your time!
Hi there!
This was really good! great for the prologue, I want to read more!
I think something to work on could be your build up of suspense? Half way through the piece you immediately land the reader in "There are no words to describe how I felt when she died".
This I like because I personally think surprising the reader is very important. However I think here maybe you could build it up a little more and then tell us in a more subtle way? e.g. "But now only the flowers on her grave are there to take her place??
Include more information about the characters and their normal relationship, before telling us she is dead. This way the reader will relate more to the characters/situation (important), when suddenly you tell us she's dead, giving your work a much larger affect and impact on the reader!
I think if you work on this one thing then it will really stand out as a striking and shocking opening to captivate the audience - which again is what the prologue is there for.
Overall well done with this, it is looking good!
Keep writing!
~*Annapurna*~