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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is a lyrics rigjt?? The ones that are supposed to be sung?? If this is a lyrics of a song or something then it certainly is not that much proper...it sounds like a chant of sorts...like a hymm or may be something that you say when you are doing a ritual or something...the dark shady rituals....
Also its too short and vague...and the monsters should be smearing or painting themselves with the blood...caressing does not make much sense...This piece is so much vague...like its as if you have left everthing for us to figure out....its so much haunting that had it been longer then it would have certainly given me goosebumps. Its good but it certainly needs a lot of work.
Hi there. I am 567ajt, here to review your poem. Your username certainly lives up to this poem in particular.
"The monsters want your flesh
and when they're done with it,
they'll caress your blood."
Monsters? What monsters? Caress? Why caress your blood? That doesn't really make a lot of sense, and sounds a little overwritten in my opinion. Caress is a weird choice of words. If they are monsters, shouldn't they be drinking the blood? Or is it just me? If I knew the types of monsters they are, it would help.
"You fill yourself with sins."
The last thing on my mind when a monster is caressing my blood is sins.
"Regret
Regret"
Why the gap? Unless this is in a cave, and it's meant to mimic an echo, I don't know. Why regret though? My first thought would not be regret, but panic. A monster is caressing my blood. I won't regret bleeding.
"You fill yourself with sins.
More play, so you'll forget."
What in the world?