Pacing back and forth through the room, I try to breathe. I try to push away the feeling but it invades my body. While I push back tears, I try pushing away the thought of the person who abandoned me.The music starts and I shake my head fiercely. As my vision clears from the soon-to-be tears, a smile creeps on my face. The shadows disobey the dim light of the lamp and tangle together to become a monster. That person who left me thought I was weak. I thought I was too but I know I can defeat it now. I must defeat this creature before the song ends.
The time is melting away while drums accompany the sound of an electric guitar. The Shadow screams out static noise to challenge me. I roar back and begin to sing. My body becomes possessed with the music; I move crazily but rhythmically with each beat. Belting out the lyrics, I glare at the Shadow fearlessly. It spreads itself out around me. I dance in the dark. Paranoia kicks in so I mess up the lyrics. I trip over my feet.
Where is my enemy? How do I defeat something I can't see? The tears climb back up to my eyes to blur my vision. Can I defeat this monster? I put myself in this room, I knew i would either win or let the Shadow devour my flesh until I am only a shadow.
It whispers static noise in my ears. It thinks it has won. Two minutes left, I know this song like the back of my hand. This time, I sing harmoniously with the song's chorus. the raw feeling of the song rushes back to me. I dance so much that sweat drips. I scream and roll all over the ground . Laughing, I realize that the monster is only a shadow. I notice that the Shadow shrinks more and more.
Light splashes into the room, my blob of spit lands on the shrinking shadow. I just keep laughing as I shimmy the Shadow into a corner. My singing softens as the music dies. The last remnants of the Shadow separate into different smaller bodies. They hide behind random objects. The music stops, all I hear is my heavy breathing. Sweat leaves my body feeling nasty. The fear has disappeared. I am left in a corner of the little room, smiling like an idiot.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Great little story. It really conveys the emotions and feelings well. The only thing that I think you need to do with it is just a quick little punctuation issue. I believe
"I thought I was too but I know I can defeat it now."
should be changed to "I thought I was, too, but I know I can defeat it now."
At least, I know the second comma ("too, but")has to go in there. I am not completely certain about the first one, but I feel as if it is correct.
LoyalHeart here with a review!
First off, very dramatic I like it a lot as it shows a person or whoever conquering fear itself. Maybe closterphobia, tho you never state exactly what the fear is. This is really good and inspiring for others to overcome fear itself as the story goes on, I think you could really turn this into a series if you really tried to do so. But thats just me and my idea's, now for the most part what I think you should do is try to make it longer, and more detailed as this is relativly short unless that is what you were going for. I say in my opinion you could try making this into a series for each and every phobia, as it give you plenty to write about maybe even turn it into a possible book for how to conquer your fears. But like I said that's just me, overall I give this wqork a eight out of ten. Keep up the good work and I look forward tomorrow.
This is LoyalHeart and this has been your review.
Yes, I was trying to keep it short. It was an in-the moment kind of thing. That's a pretty good idea though.
Maybe I might use it.