Published December 19, 2007
I'm standing in the bathroom with a pistol to my head.
I'm writing all of this down so you'll know why I am dead.
You stole my heart, tore it up, left it lying on the floor.
That's why lifes not worth living anymore.
I want you to know that it wasn't your fault.
Even if your words felt like wounds filled with salt.
The blame belongs to the guy with a love infested heart.
I want to rip it out and tear it apart.
When someone finds my bloody body with this note clutched in my hand.
I hope they let you read it and I hope you understand.
I really had to do this, I really had to go.
I'll love you forever and more than you'll know.
When I'm done with this letter I will take my life.
I'm glad to put and end to this misery and strife.
I'll know you'll really miss me, and I know I'll miss you.
This is what I had to do.
And I'll always love you.
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
That was amazing! It nearly made me cry .it was so expressive, and thoughtful also the rhyming was really good , and i LOVED the ending
To be honest, I thought this was one cliche after another, being a bit emo, please don't take offense at what I say, or what I just said.
I think you have the talent to write a good poem, when someone's feeling a bit depressed I think all too often they'll ramble on about inner thoughts and feelings that are just too sharp and unique to put into words.
I think...
You should get rid of the 3rd Stanza, it doesn't really add anything, it's a repetition of what you said earlier really
I'll reccommend that you make this a bit more sad for the reader by talking about what you'll miss about life and what you miss about your ex-girlfriend
It's a much more accessible approach, of course if you're not interested in making this poem better and just wanted to let out some feelings that's ok too.
Please understand that if I sound harsh I'm just a really hypocritical guy, this depression dealy was how I first started writing poetry
Um...A.S., I'm a guy...and unless I'm gay (which I'm not) then I'd be writing about my girlfriend not my boyfriend
hey um dude you kinda freak me out a bit. I know you have freedom of press if you are in the U. S. but seriously it is to close to an actual death note. And if this is your actual feelings, you should know that it isnt worth killing your self over a highschool relationship. but if this is not meant as your feelings i say it is a so so poem, there is good use of literary devises like ryming and sonnet. if you were to improve upon this poem you should add an extra verse or two to say what caused the character to feel this way. did a girl dump him? Was his girlfriend cheating on him?
Now that is one thing you should not do, Suicide. There are still a lot of guys there and your ex boyfriend was not just the right one for you. I've been in a lot of broken relationships. I had 3 ex-girfriends and two of them left me for another guy but hey, "To hell with them." You know this feelings that people get after a failed relationship? It sometimes helps. I've learned how to play guitar and compose songs and poems because of those failed relationships.
Personaly i loved this poem ,I know some people may think your telling to much about yourself ,but poetry is a tool to ease the mind and you show how well you can do that with the words and a peice of paper ,"or keyboard" . I just hope that one day I will see your work in a book of fine poetry!
I didn't think it was bad at all, it was slow and flowing you didn't force anything you let it out on paper but I don't think that's the best you could do. Hope this helps.
Self-destructive thoughts are always faulty in a suburban setting, and nearly always taste of cardboard when made into poems.
I agree with suez, which is why I've stopped posting my poetry *nods*
I hate to ruin it for you, but this isn't a good poem.
It's too much you. A poem should bring something for the reader. I believe I said this on one of your other poems; poetry is an amazing form of self expression and getting your feelings out and healing, but usually that kind of poetry isn't the same kind of poetry that you would want to have published, you know? It's like... blog post poetry.
From there, I am not sure what to say. I do not mean to hurt your feelings, as I am sure this poem is your true feelings and your true thoughts. In that case, suicide is never an answer to anything, and a sympathize with you and pray that you feel well quickly. But as for a poem, it is not much of a poem.