Published November 30, 2011
Smoking chimneys against the night,
Boozing and laughing in the face of fear,
Drinking and eating without fear,
Spurning and smoking with ease.
The moon shining brightly in their eyes,
Their faces pale in the moonlight,
Their misty breaths frothing in the night,
Not yet gone with the sunrise.
Myself stuck staring alone again,
Silent and stale forever when?
Shall I perceive how to begin
Again, again – believe again!
Friends easing together into day,
Amiable acquaintances on their own ways,
Catching the cars, catching the trains –
Flying flags to believe again.
Again, again – believe again,
In the power of death, in the power of man,
Wish and hope and spite and sin!
Friends smoking against the night,
Talking of whatever it is that they might.
Wishing of whatever it is that they want,
A taunt, a taunt, a taunt and a flaunt!
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139,440 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
When you said "Myself stuck staring alone again," that stanza didn't make much sense to me. It is a truley thought-provoking poem, though. The poem sets a certain image that speaks it's emotion strongly, and I do like the way you discribed each of your stanzas, and your poem is very well put together. Each line makes sense but the one I mentioned in the beginning of this comment. I say keep on writing! You are doing great!
I really liked this. I particularly liked the casual rhymes such as,
"Friends smoking against the night,
Talking of whatever it is that they might."
because it made it wasn't forced which made the speaker more relatable. Also, along with the rythm, it made the poem flow well and easy to read. It made me want to read it again, but out loud!
"Catching the cars, catching the trains –
Flying flags to believe again.
Again, again – believe again,"
I loved these lines because the repetiyion really emphasized your point and the the use of listing and parrallelism worked amazingly...
Really beautiful poem, my only critique is that I was a little unsure of what you are trying to tell the reader, but I'm not sure that I would change this because I think the confusion of the night adds to it. Well Done, great job