Love,
I'm so scared. Isn't that funny? I'm freaking terrified. After all the times you've called me fearless with a scowl in your eyes, I'm afraid.
I'm scared I'll forget. Not the usual fear of forgetting you; your touch, your smell, your taste. Oh no, if I forget like I'm afraid I'll forget, I'll be far beyond that. I'm scared I'll forget and move on, like you're always telling me to. I'm scared I'll find someone else, someone mediocre, and settle for him. I'm scared I'll start a family. I'm scared I'll be happy. That's the worst one. How far would I have to forsake you from my memory to be happy? How could I be so stupid? Stupid enough to forget the tears, the pain, the scars that are so deep I swear to God they'll never heal? I can't forget these.
So, the next fear. I'm scared I'll call it childish infatuation. That's what I call everyone else's. I'm scared I'll look back and say, "Oh, I was lonely. It was stupid." You are not stupid. You're perfect, and I am meant to be with you. You know it, too. But that decision was taken away from us. I don't and can't blame you anymore. You did this for me. It's my fault for not trying to find another way. I've killed you, and subsequently killed myself.
You're still here, of course. And I'm realer than ever. But you tell me it's just a matter of time. That scares me, too. Because, when that happens, I'll have to start facing my fears. Alone. I'm scared that it's impossible.
I have a plan to get me through it. It's my Plan B for life. Do you want to hear it? It involves me. I graduate, do the college thing, get a job, and become a workaholic to fill the empty void that is my life. I go to sleep every night in my single bed staring at the ceiling, thinking of you. I am either in pain or numb. It might seem rough, but I'd rather be in pain then let time heal my wounds. Let me bleed out, at least I'll have been true.
Do you want to know what my Plan A was? It involves us. We graduate, go to college, and do the marriage and babies thing. We argue about money. We have dinner at the table four nights out of seven, me in a ponytail and no make-up, you still in work clothes. That's not sexist. I have a job, I just get home earlier and change faster than you do. You say something funny. I snort burned macaroni and cheese up my nose. You teach our son baseball. I try to help, but I drop the ball more than he does, and he's four. You walk our daughter down the aisle. I bawl like the softie you know I really am. We live well into our 80's, having had the time to let our love cool to a warm, ever present glow, instead of the fireball we have inside us now, that's giving us 1st degree burns.
But that door's closed to us now.
I just want you to know that you add so much joy to my life. You bring me up when I'm down. You wipe my tears when I cry. Every hope I have, I have because you gave it to me. Every mistake I made, you forgave me for. Every smile, every laugh, anything good that happened in my life had something to do with you. You've saved me. I'm so sorry I can't save you. But I guess we should've known. Everything in life must balance out. With so much joy, it was foolish of us not to expect so much pain.
I will always be yours. I promise. And my fears can go to hell, because that promise is a thousand times stronger than they'll ever be.
Love
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140,620 Literary Works • 673,561 Reviews
Honestly, I thought it was fantastic!
I could really feel the emotion that you were expressing through your character. There are only a few minor flaws in the way you have used your sentences, but then again that's just me!
But it was very well written and like I said, I loved how you expressed the emotion.
-MoonDreamer
Hey there!
I liked this. It was a good piece, full of emotion. But I would like more background. I feel as though, at the moment, I can't sympathise with the MC as I don't know what happened between them and their love so I can't relate or understand what they're telling the reader about. Adding in a little more background will help to clear this up.
Also, you could add in a few short memories of their time spent together. This would help the reader to see the characters in a more real light - see that they've had a life together before the time that this story was written/told from.
I did spot a few mistakes -
The bolded 'you' would be better in italics. It'll have the same effect, yet it won't distract away from the story as much. The bolded font tends to draw the eyes away from the story.
'1st' should be written as 'first'
'80's' should be 'eighties'
***
This really does have potential. All you need is some background information to help the reader relate to the characters more and then this could be even better!
I hope this helps!
xDudettex
Hello there.
I'll begin with the nitpicks and then go on with my overall impression on your story.
So, plot wise, it was okay. I'm still trying to figure out what happened with the guy. If he's dead or something, or he's just gone someplace else... You might want to make that clear? Or maybe it's just me that didn't figure it out.
Other than that, it felt a little bit repetitive. Shaking things up with past memories would help. I like the 'plan' thing though. It brings a little bit of spice in this.
Sorry for the short review... Keep writing!
-Other One
I found this very interesting and emotionally stimulating well done! Very well done!
Keep writing,
~FW~
I really liked this. I almost felt guilty reading this because it seemed so real. I also absolutely loved your plan A, so cliché. I can't find any mistakes in this, so Keep up the Good Work.
Hi there! I'll be reviewing this for you today!
I liked it, it was moving in small way but I do think you could have written this out a little more cleaner.
Right now it feels like your writing is a bit sloppy. I'm sure you wrote this down and did a bit of reviewing over it but I think you should go out and flesh this piece out a little more.
Also, you seemed to use the same sentence structure over and over again. For example, it was always, "I'll do this and I'll have this and I feel that." Most of the sentences started with "I". There weren't many descriptions in this piece and since that was the case, it felt a bit too 'telly' in some areas.
I must also agree that you drenched your opener in 'forget'. You used the word so many times, I actually got confused! Ahaha! So with that, I think you should go back and try to re-edit that bit. You opener seemed to dive right into the subject too, it was kind of weird puller if you ask me.
Another thing I'd like to point out would be to brush up on comma rules and such and such. I noticed there were a few misplaced commas running here and there.
What I did like about this however, was how you came around the feeling of how forgetting is painful and such and such. But I must agree with the review above me that you their love wasn't strong enough. I couldn't feel anything for her and her experience without really knowing much about the characters relationship with each other. You just said, "You were great and I lived you and this an that, you." But I never got a physical description of the guy and I never saw anything or any scenes that made me feel like, wow...they really love each other. Work some more memories into this, maybe.
Overall, it's a great piece and my favorite part was her dream of living and growing old together. I thought it was very sweet and I did feel emotion there. ^^
Good job and let me know if you have any other questions.
-Pink
Hi!
I liked this a lot. I like how familiar the tone of the letter sounds and how the narrator sounds so tender and affectionate but at the same time resigned to their heartbreak. Because hey, it's fun to read about people being stupidly in love sometimes. XD
was my favourite line.
There are a few things I think you could maybe change to improve it, although this is just personal opinion:
I love the point you're making about not wanting to forget even though it's painful, but when I was reading this it felt like the word 'forget' was used so many times in these few sentences that it kind of lost all meaning. I think this might work better if you took a couple of them out or found some synonyms, so that it's less repetitive.
If there's a downside to letter-style stories like this, I think it's that it's easy to make sweeping statements of true love, but much harder to convey the full emotion behind them and make readers believe in the relationship and the characters when we're jumping into the middle of things. The emotion of the MC might come across as more real and relatable if it was more solid, and we had a bit more information about the relationship to tie it to. At the moment it's quite vague - we know that they were in love, and now it's over, but that's it. Perhaps if the writer recalled a moment between them, or something like that, so that we knew more about their personalities. Or it would be nice to know a little more about why they split up, and what caused the decision to be taken away - it seems like outside circumstances are preventing them from being together, but I'm not sure. I don't mean huge long scenes, just a few more details about their life together.
Thanks for the read, and PM me if you have any questions or anything!
Hi MOIMOW. I must say I'm really impressed about your writing. I really love it. It's catchy and nice to read. <3
It's all I gotta say. Lol.
The plan A is a clichébutperfectlifeplan. xD In this case I love cliché. Hahah.
Keep writing.
~Solvy <3
Hey hey hey!
Don't worry, I'll try not to be too harsh!
Okay, so about the story: It was actually pretty good. I said this before in someone else's review: I liked how you kept the personal feeling of the story by not putting names in there. The description in here was really good, and I loved the emotion. Overall, good job!
P.S.
I'm glad you chose to share "a piece of your soul" with the world. Most people aren't brave enough to do that, so kudos!