Friends

by MKate

Published December 15, 2009

Just a little ditty I wrote for one of my stories a loooooong time ago... Enjoy!

Nothing that the world can do
Will ever separate us two.

Naught but death can break the spell
That we two have woven well.

As turtledoves are works of art,
We, friends, are one true heart.

Comments & reviews · 7
empressoftheuniverse wrote a review Review · Jan 7, 2010

MKate wrote:We, friends, are one true heart.

It sounds like your addressing us, the audience when you say this line, which I don't think was your intention. But it works really well, if you're trying to say "My dear friends, view our eternal love. We are one true heart."
I think it's a good line, I'm just a little unsure of your meaning.
Besides that, it was short and sweet on a well-beaten subject while not feeling stale.
xxooxx
empress

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Man on the Side Comment
Man on the Side commented Comment · Dec 20, 2009

Wow, short but meaningful. I liked it.

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MKate
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MKate commented Comment · Dec 20, 2009

I'll definitely work on the end... Thanks, June!

:smt111 !syadiloH yppaH (I wanted to see how it looked :))

~Mel

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Juniper
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Juniper wrote a review Review · Dec 19, 2009

Hey Kate!

A short, sweet poem. :) I like this -- I felt it's concise enough to be enjoyable (and for some off reason, I see this engraved on lockets... don't ask). I think the end came a little suddenly -- not that you should drag this out, but I think the end should be more graceful. It needs to close the poem daintily, otherwise, as we have here, it seems unfinished. ;)

June

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MKate
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MKate commented Comment · Dec 16, 2009

Thanks, captain.classy!

Saw your point- edited it in - smiled at the results :D

Happy holidays! :smt111

~Mel

captain.classy wrote a review Review · Dec 16, 2009

Hiya! Just here for a little grammar help!
My corrections are in bold.

Nothing that the world can do
Will ever separate us two.As you can see, I switched the will and the ever. It just sounds better that way.

Naught but death can break the spell
That we two have woven well.

As turtledoves are works of art,
We, two friends, are one true heart.So this is a very small thing, but I don't think you should put two here. You already say it above, there is no need for it!



Well, there wan't much to correct since the poem is so small. I did like it, though. It was, as I like, short, sweet, simple, and to the point. Good job! I love your poetry.



I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
— Bilbo Baggins