Is there a second chance?
Will I see you again?
Feel you hug me?
Can I ever,
See your grey hair again?
Will I ever hear you voice,
Soothingly, sweet, ever so caring?
What about your laughter,
Filling up ones heart.
Don’t you dare to die on me!
They can tell me;
You lived a long life,
Fulfilling life.
But you aint a cat.
I love you more than that.
Please promise me,
You’ll fight!
I know you are scared.
You won’t tell me,
Or anyone else
But you know what?
We feel it.
You are so sure,
You’ll die this time.
Why are you so sure?
You always gave,
So much to everyone.
And what can I do,
To pay you back.
For the simple thing you gave me
Love…
I feel so useless.
Last time I saw you
Lying in a bed
Tired, yet smiling.
You got up to hug me.
And when I left you,
I told you: “till we meet”.
But what if we don’t?
I don’t believe in god,
But I believe in angels.
If the day comes,
And you leave us.
May they take you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
thank you for the advise1 I'll try that!
Overall the poem flows well and you make effective use of punctuation, making the poem much easier to read and directing the reader's attention to certain aspect.
Maybe a slightly different phrasing, comes across a bit strangely as it is now.
Nice use of alliteration in the first and last line. Works well, just makes the poem's rhythm more steady.
I think you need "A fulfilling life" for the second sentence.
Very good use of short lines with word choice to instill the stanza with emotion. It's very nice and adds a sense of confusion and longing in that final line, "Why are you so sure?"
Very poignant here, it invokes pathos for the person who isn't sure if he/she will ever meet this friend again. Amazingly emotional.
I think you need to take "the" out in the first line, doesn't make sense otherwise.
Very nice poem with heartfelt emotion. Nice use of punctuation I think that you just need to work a bit more on the rhythm of the poem.