Fear/Love

I don’t fear you
I love you
Isn’t that funny
You did all
In your power
To push me away
From you
I’m not afraid
And you hate that
But I love you
So deep inside
That it hurts
When you yell
At me
I cry
But for you
People tell me
I should hate you
For everything
You’ve put me through
But I care
I want to protect you
Though you won’t let me

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
shadowstorm
Comment

Adding punctuation would definitely be good. That will help the fluency greatly. Other than that, I really like the poem. I can relate to it somewhat.

User avatar
Mad
Review
Mad wrote a review · Sun Mar 25, 2007 6:34 am

It's all broken, you need to add punctuation and run some lines onto each other.

I don’t fear you
I love you


These can be nice and short, add some full stops to the end of each line and it will read better.

Isn’t that funny


Some sort of punctuation would be good here, a comma or even a question mark.


In your power
To push me away
From you
I’m not afraid
And you hate that


I think these are all too short, maybe run some of the lines together so it becomes fluent.

But I love you
So deep inside
That it hurts


Now here it gets a bit confusing because of the way the lines were broken. When I read it I thought it should have been "So deep inside, It hurts" because of the line break.

When you yell
At me


This would work better on one line, I think.

The thought and emotion are in the poem, but I think you need to structure it better with punctuation, rhythm and line length.

It's a very nice poem which really works on the idea of love and hate, so don't take my criticism the wrong way, I liked the poem.



I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss