As It Is

Hello there!

I don't know if you'll still see this but I dug up the poetry section and found that you got only one review, and so I'm here to make it two :> Hopefully, my review would still be relevant (at some point, prolly apply it to your future poems?).

This poem seems like a personal one but I'll be critiquing it objectively. First of all, your poem is overcrowding with question marks, that seemed intimidating at first. Strangely, after reading your poem, the question marks came off more and more insignificant. As a reader, I started disregarding it. It's not a good sign of course, because one of poetry's trademarks is that every single thing must be significant. Everything should have a connotation. The same reason why some people remove punctuations in their poem. In here, punctuation loses its power.

How about inserting those questions in between your other stanzas? Or probably add imperative or declarative phrases in between them? I hope I'm not roundabout here, but there's still a tinge of intimidation. You're asking a lot of questions without a lot of context. As a reader, those questions started piling and I'm left confused. It would be much favourable if you describe -- or simply clue -- what happened? If it's too personal, then use a metaphor and us readers can deduce from that right away.

There are also some questions that I think you should narrate/describe/write about:

1. Why can't you care? >> Give us a situation where this "you" did that.
2. Did I ask too much for help? >> narrate what you did and we can deduce from that
3.Why do you avoid me? >> narrate

However, I'd like to remind you that you shouldn't only narrate. You have to translate them into poetry. You can romanticise, exploit, exaggerate, or generally fill it with imagery. Add nuances to the poem. Right now. It's direct for me.

I feel like a child
Crying helplessly
Abandoned by everyone
All alone
Not knowing why

I have a suggestion for this one. Instead of the word "abandoned by everyone" why don't you just change the word "child" to "orphan"? That would also cut off the lines "all alone" because "orphan" is a loaded and strong noun. Now, you can have the freedom to exaggerate on this. Instead of simply saying "crying helplessly" look for a strong verb: wailing? Bawling? Then harness the grief inside it, and the reader would subsequently sympathise.

All the memories
Come at once
Breaking me down completely

This is also a missed potential. To what degree did those memories come? Did they bolt? Dash? Surge? Storm? You could describe the feeling of breaking down as well (if that isn't crossing the line of course).

My last critique would be on the last stanza:

All the times I was left
As a movie being shown
Right behind my eyes
I saved it all, locked it in
For a day like this

From the word "behind" that would mean inside you >> the mind, hence memories. So these are basically memories. Isn't this just the repeat of the last three lines of your previous stanza? I think you should just choose to use this one instead of the lines in the previous stanza. From this, we can deduce that the person in question completely left the speaker. Though, I don't think this is an appropriate ending? Perhaps it's just me but I prefer if this poem would go full-circle. Go back to the lament, vent out all of the confusion. That would amplify the emotional factor of the poem.

Oki, that's about it! Hopefully, my review isn't confusing : ) I don't know if you would still be able to see this, but if you do, ask away those questions! I hope I didn't sound too harsh as well.

Keep writing (even if you're not active i know you probably still write. Once a writer, will always be one <3 <3)!!

SENDING LOVE, Kattee