Published March 20, 2007
I wrote this like 6 months ago...
_____________________
A normal family
Have a mommy and a daddy
And some kids
Thats the perfect way
My family?
Well there’s me
My mom
My dog
And 2 cats
Are we normal?
Well a lot of parents
Are divorced
That is normal
Very normal
But are we normal?
I don’t know anyone
Whose daddy left
Before she was even born
No one ‘round here
Oh boy
No one knows
Just what it’s like
To sit there alone
Watch normality on TV
Abnormality
As a little girl
I thought I was normal
Soon enough I was told
I wasn’t right
Who’s your daddy?
In a normal family
There is love and shelter
In mine there isn’t
And there never were
Oh where’s my childhood at
I will never be normal
My momma will
And so will my daddy
Who ever he is
Who are you?
But me.. I will forever wonder
Who ever made me
Gave me these eyes
Who ever did that
Will I ever know?
I’m the one to cry at night
Just wake up crying
Like a little baby girl
And not a 16 year old teenager
Oh baby
I am the one to be called weird
Not my mom
Nor my dad
They are both normal people
But me…
Why is it so unfair
All I did was nothing
He left
And she gave birth
Never fair
I never asked to be born
Left
Beaten
Yelled at!
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hello there <3
I'm back yet again to remove your poems out of the green room. Hopefully, it would still help you -- somehow. First and foremost, this seemed like another personal poem of yours so I'll be a bit gentle when it comes to my review (albeit I'll still look at it in an objective way). Your poem contains a very topic and hopefully, this 2020 you've sorted things out : ). If you see this, you can always talk to me, sometimes letting it all out works!
Now for the poem itself, I would say that this is pretty direct. It was spoon feeding me with information rather than adding a few mysteries I could solve. The reason why I love poetry is because there are two or more nuances before it brings us to the message. Usually, they hide behind the imagery, which stimulates/provokes the readers to think thoroughly about the text.
For example, this stanza felt more like a list ^^ You could combine these into one line and describe them. Or...have you heard of the Life of Pi? The use of animals is an allegory of how much removed the humans in the both were from there...well, humanity. If you could try that, great! But if you want to stick to being quite direct, please give us a description of your fam? What are their prominent features? What do you like about them, the most?
I would like to point out the repetition of the highlighted word. I'm not sure if it's intentional but I want to make you aware. In my perspective, the "but are we normal?" one could be rephrased into something like >> "but aren't we strange?" <<<in there, the tone shifts from a positive to a more negative point of view. The speaker's confidence in her normative lifestyle starts diminishing and the subtle optimism from the word "normal" is gone.
Also in the 4-line stanza, you've already used the words "a lot of parents." That would help the reader understand that divorce (wherever you are) is normal. I think, at this point, the repetition of "normal" is used for consolation, although one would suffice. One is already powerful enough to show the speaker's desperation.
Or, instead of scrapping the "very normal" why not expound on it further? Why'd you call it "very"? To what degree is this "a lot." Do almost all your friends have divorced parents? Smth like that.
If it could comfort you, I know someone around here : ( And. Don't worry, you aren't alone <3 <3
I suggest italicising this because the "you" in here isn't pertaining to the reader, it's your dad isn't it. An italication would show the gravity, yearning, and desperation of the speaker and the reader would know that this "you" is the one person this poem revolves around.
That's all my critique for the poem! Ask away if there's anything that confused you (if you're still active on the site oop). And remember, that if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here!
This is a reviewer from 2020 and I hope you're still writing!