Heya, MJTucker! Lupa here for a RevMo review! Let's get started.
1)
It is uncertain who his father is, since Aethra was with both Posiedon and Aegus, king of Athens, but it is likely that Aegus was the father. Aegus hid his sandals and tunic under a large boulder and told Aethra that if they had a son, he should come up here and get the sandals and tunic before coming to find him.
These sentences feel disconnected, because you go from discussing Theseus's parents to Aegus's orders. They don't flow very well together. Also, the pronouns are confusing because there's too many "he"'s in the last sentence. Lastly, you never explain why exactly Theseus has to search for Aegus. With Aegus being the father, shouldn't Theseus grow up in Aegus's palace? You could change it to:
It is uncertain who his father is, since Aethra was with both Poseidon and Aegus, king of Athens, but it is likely that Aegus was the father. Before Theseus was born, Aegus hid his sandals and tunic under a large boulder and told Aethra that their son should come up here and get the sandals and tunic before searching for him.
2)
When he arrived at Athens, Aegus' new wife, Medea, saw that Theseus was Aegus' son. Due to her jealousy, she plotted with Aegus to poison Theseus' wine. Aegus, unaware that Theseus was his son, agreed, and just as Theseus was about to drink the wine, Aegus recognized the sword at Theseus' side and knocked the wine cup aside, saving his son.
Whoa! Aegus has a new wife? Why? And why does Aegus randomly decide to poison his guest? How did Medea convince him to do so? I understand you're trying to keep it short, but even though I know what happens (I'm obsessed with Greek mythology), some people might get confused.
3) The last paragraph messed me up a little because it makes the story sound all positive, even though Theseus forgot to change the sail color and Aegus committed suicide. Somewhere in that summary, you might want to add that small fact.
That's all I have to say! You made your retelling very interesting and I like how well everything went together. I can't wait to read more. Keep writing, MJTucker!
XOX,
Lupa22
Points: 1219
Reviews: 558
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