Cover art for Unsolved Deceptions Chapter 2 Monkey See Monkey kill

Unsolved Deceptions Chapter 2 Monkey See Monkey kill

by MAC809

Published September 19, 2026

12+ Mature Content

In Unsolved Deceptions

Passing through the portal I was met with a long dark hallway with a doorway in the center, but in place of an actual door was just a pitch black void, and a glowing crimson along the rim coating this dark hall in glowing red. The moment I stepped inside an intense chill ran up my spine not a chill of cold though, a surge of darkness. 

Then came that bad feeling in your gut when you know something is wrong. My instincts screamed of a negative energy that lingered here and I could hear muffled demonic whispers saying things I couldn’t understand, I didn’t know if it was all in my head or not. Every atom in my body screamed at me to turn back but I had to keep going, there was no where to turn back to.

 I straightened up and passed through the void like door. I flinched and tensed up, bracing for whatever nightmare I would find myself in but what greeted me was a very dimly lit reception room of a hotel? Thinking about it, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but this certainly wasn’t it. The only sources of light were two lamps on either side of me. 

My flashlight could prove useful right now but I wasn’t ready to cast a straight beacon on myself in case I wasn’t alone here, since I had a strong feeling I wasn’t. “Place feel familiar to you at all?” I jumped as I heard the sound of Bierce’s voice, I looked around but she wasn’t there, but I heard her chuckling. “I’m not here, Evans.”

 She laughed, “oh so you’re in my head too, how lucky am I?” I quietly said bitterly, I thought that I would have a break from her attitude outside of the ballroom but apparently that was too much to ask, but part of me was relieved knowing that at least I wasn’t completely alone here, at least in a way. But to answer the question, I suppose this place was kinda familiar.

 Not this hotel specifically but with my job as a detective you’d be surprised how many gruesome murder scenes take place in run down hotels like this, you get used to those sort of things. I slowly approached the desk, no one was there accept for a small little bell in the center, along with a sign, “WELCOME, BREAKFAST AND MURDER, FREE EVERYDAY UNTL 10:00AM” it read.

That stupid cheeky little threat made a small shiver run down my spine but I let out a bitter chuckle despite myself. “Why I do love a side of bloodshed with my eggs and bacon.” I uttered sarcastically. I figured it was time to stop standing around like a fool and look for that ring piece Bierce told me about, who I figured was silently watching me through my eyes right now. 

So I made way through the dimly lit hall that loomed in front of me, daring me to move forward with its ominous dim glow. The place was dead silent apart from the clacking on my shoes on the polished floor. While still in the hallway my eyes locked on an ominous cardboard cutout of a hotel employee pointing me towards the end of the hallway. It wore those old school hotel uniforms that was red as blood. 

Along with a hat of the same shade. But it didn’t have a human face, but that same demonic monkey face back from the symbol of the portal, wide crazy eyes and razor sharp teeth. I proceeded to just walk past the stupid thing but it suddenly fell flat on the ground by itself making me jump before I rolled my eyes. I’m in a demon hotel and I get scared by cardboard? I just wanted to punch myself in the face.

 I’m finally out of that stupid hallway only to be met with what looked like a lounging room, fancy chairs, couches and tables. And a long hall that faded in the dark along the walls were all elevators, which was kinda weird, not sure why one room needed so many elevators, but I already had a hunch this wasn’t a normal hotel so what could I expect? My thoughts were interrupted by an ominous ding. 

It was from a single elevator in the center of that dark hallway, the old doors slowly opened revealing a dim flickering light illuminating a dark figure hunched over inside the small space. It certainly wasn’t human the head was too large and the body was too small. I stood there frozen not knowing what to do before the doors closed again and I heard the muffled sounds of the elevator going up. 

Soon after it dinged and the doors opened once again, only there was nothing in there. It was like that shadowy figure was never there. “You’re supposed to go in there.” Bierce told me. “Great, you want me to go where the monster just was, do you want me dead or something?” I retorted bitterly, “oh please, you have no use to me as a corpse.” She responded like I was no more than a tool for her. 

I swallowed before stepping inside as the doors closed in front of me. As the distorted jazz elevator music played which did nothing to put my nerves at ease I spotted a piece of paper tucked away in the handlebar. I picked it up and saw it was a handwritten note. I began to read it of course

 

It is done. Now my faith, lies in darkness. I’m writing this in case I don’t make it out I figured if I fail the least I can do is help out whatever poor soul ends up on this suicide mission as my replacement. If you’re reading this then I guess I must be dead, figures. I won’t tell you my name or give my sad little backstory I feel like that’s not important in terms of helping you survive right now so I’ll tell you what I know. There are a few dozens of monsters that lerk in these halls, it’s at least three, they’re Murder Monkeys. Not super fast but very persistent, violent and don’t stop at anything. There’s nothing to reason with, murder is all they care about. Just run as fast as you can and stay away from them. But be extra cautious if there’s two chasing you at once since they like to corner you at both ends of a hall. They can be very frightening and scary but the best thing you can do is keep running and don’t look back.

-D. H.

Guess that answered my question about what happened to the people who did this before me, I wasn’t sure if the person who wrote this was the “quiet” person Bierce told me about, or some other person who died here, how many people have died here? They shared nothing about themselves apart from the initials D. H. It did sound oddly faintly familiar. 

I couldn’t place a specific name though. My suspicions seemed to be correct about not being alone here, Murder Monkeys? What were those things? Some sort of demon? I had no idea. The thought of mindless killers hunting me through the dark maze of these hotel halls obviously wasn’t a pleasant thought. I scanned the handwriting, words this person used, the way they spoke.

My mind was running a blank, maybe the initials were just from a random person and I was looking too deep into this, but I pocketed the note just in case. Even though I didn’t know this person, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity for them, it also felt a bit unsettling to be reading the words left by a dead person, just then, the doors of the elevator opened. 

This place started to make me even more nervous than before after I had read that note but I tried my best to just remember their advice and move forward, this was what I had to do. Once the doors parted the first thing I noticed was that same golden statue that was in the ballroom was in the center of this small run down room. 

The once golden orb it was holding was now what looked to be a crystal glowing a bright violet. The lights were dim, an old carpet in the center of the floor with old paintings and dirty old green wallpaper. There were two archways that led to a maze like hall but they were both boarded up, there was a message on the wall next to me in old faded white paint.

 “Break the Boards” that’s when Bierce spoke up again. “This is important so listen up carefully, those floating crystal bits behind the boards, those are soul shards.” I looked through the gaps of the boards and saw sharp floating bits of purple crystal trailing down the door halls, the soul shards she was talking about.

 “Each shard is a fragment of a soul of one who has met their fate here, once all are collected, together they form into the first piece of the ring, so your job is to gather them all, and which you can find them with this.” Suddenly a purple glow formed in front of me revealing a small tablet device, revealing a maze like outline with a dot at the center, which I assumed was me.

I noticed that when I turned or moved the maze on the screen would do the same. The maze had purple dots surrounding the halls, many, many purple dots. A number at the top of the screen gave me the total count 289. I felt my blood run cold, 289 soul shards? That meant 289 shards I would need to collect.

What was beyond worse meant that 289 people had died here. I knew that people have fallen here but that number was beyond any estimate I could make, no wonder Bierce had no care for me, at this point I was basically a number, but the question is would I soon become a number on this tablet? I started off feeling somewhat hopeful about this.

But now reality was crushing its weight on me, what chances did I have at survival when 289 people have died at this portal alone? And god knows how many people died here in total. “Well? Go on then, you’re not going to collect the shards by standing there like a fool!” Her sharp words slapped me back to reality. 

I took a deep breath, whatever happened was gonna happen, and losing hope wouldn’t make this any better. I slowly approached the boarded archway, the wood old and rotten, wouldn’t take much to break. I raised my foot and gave it a hard kick, the flimsy old wood gave out rather easily. I looked ahead at the dark hall where the shards trailed.

The shards were rather large and going by the trail of them down the hall I wondered how I would be able to carry all of them, but the moment my fingers grazed the crystal it seemed to evaporate into a glowing purple mist adsorbing right into my soul making an ice cold shiver run down my spine like a spirit passing through me. 

I went still for a moment unnerved by the sensation but at least I didn’t have to worry about how I was gonna carry them. I turned on my flashlight to light up the dark hall and made my move, I cautiously walked with each soul shard absorbing into a mist and seeping into my soul every time I passed through it. I’d say this went on for about a minute. 

I was just slowly and cautiously walking through the dark halls shining the way with my flashlight and collecting the shards, but then I froze as I heard the sound of fast heavy footsteps quickly getting louder. I didn’t need to stand there and wonder what it was, the note already told me. Without wasting a single moment I took off running as fast as I could.

I remembered the words of that note “keep running and don’t look back” and so I didn’t dare stop or look to see what was pursuing me I just kept running, but I could hear this thing’s footsteps getting louder, and fast approaching, and so was my heartbeat in my ears with fear and adrenaline. As I dashed down the hall of this dark maze I saw it.

For the briefest moment my light shined on a large monkey with big wide insane eyes, sharp bloody teeth and bloody knives for hands. It was for just a split second, but that second was terrifying. I immediately turned a corner and ran as fast as I could to get away from the horrid sight. I could feel my legs burning as the adrenaline wore off. 

There was a stark feeling of dread that came along with it, I knew I couldn’t keep running forever but these monkey’s footsteps remained a fast and relentless pace that never seemed to slow for a second. Doubt and dread began to fill my chest like acid. These things were gonna chase me to exhaustion and then tear me to shreds.

 I knew I would eventually be forced slow down and stop and they would catch me, my chances of survival started to look very bleak. That’s when I spotted an odd glowing yellow orb in the middle of the line of soul shards I was gathering. I wasn’t sure what it did but without thinking I touched it and a burst of a light erupted for just a split moment.

When I turned back I saw the monkey that was once chasing me now hunched over seemingly out of breath, I quickly realized that this orb must have stunned the monkeys in some way. With a new flicker of hope I continued to collect the shards while slightly slowing my pace taking advantage of the stunned monkeys and giving my legs an opportunity to recharge.

 I’d say this lasted for about a minute before I could hear the fast heavy footsteps of the monkeys starting up again. I took off into a sprint once again, the panic that had left me for the briefest moment came flooding back. I looked down at the tablet and saw that I was halfway there, a small part of me started to think that maybe I could make it.

 I could survive this nightmare at the very least. Eventually I obtained the last shard, but the briefest moment relief I had was wiped away as I heard the horrifying sounds of the monkeys screaming in fury in the distance. “That’s all of the shards the ring piece has been formed, the monsters are now in a frenzy, get to the ring barrier, take it and get out of here now!”

 Bierce demanded, she didn’t have to tell me twice I looked at the tablet following the dot of where the ring barrier was and it led me back to where I started with that statue. The once glowing crystal orb it held was now a single floating purple crystal, it must’ve been the ring piece. I quickly snatched it, shoved it in my pocket.

I quickly ran towards back to the elevator door like my life depended on it, which it did. The metal doors shut just shy before the murder monkey could reach in and grab me. I stood there shaking and sweating. The distorted casual jazz elevator music was now an unsettling clash with the noises of the monkeys screaming.

I could still hear it clear as day even inside the elevator. When the doors opened I could hear the screams of the monkeys in the distance but the hall was empty, just the many elevators surrounding me, but then I heard a low voice, “what mortal parasite has crawled here now?” The intimidating voice gave me an ice cold chill. “It’s Malak, run!”

 Bierce’s normally very controlled teasing voice sounded almost frantic herself. Before I could even process those words all the surrounding elevators opened at once and monkeys with eyes now glowing red poured out like a flood. Adrenaline like I never had before shot through me like an electric current and I dashed, running as fast as my legs could possibly carry.

 I could hear dozens of heavy feet right behind me, along with an odd sound of a wind up toy. I practically dived for the portal, one of the money’s knifes just inches away from my back. I collapsed onto the polished floor of the ballroom, completely out of breath, drenched in sweat and legs aching. I just sat there like an idiot trying grasp what had just happened.

I had never felt such an adrenaline in my life. I put down my flashlight and pulled the ring piece from out of my pocket just to make sure I got it. “Well surprise, surprise you’ve made it out in one piece.” Bierce chuckled with an almost twisted amusement as she plucked the ring piece from my hand without a single care for me, who was sitting on the ground in shock. 

I watched as she brought the ring to the statue and watched as the crystal turned into a soft purple glow and was absorbed within the glowing orb the statue held. I finally managed to lift myself up by my shaky legs still shaken up from what happened. Suddenly from the crimson door up the stairs a sharp red glow emerge.

The once smooth black sphere shifted into a single creepy veiny eye with a piercing stare. “Ah, what a rather bold action you have taken Bierce, I figured loosing your little puppet humbled you a bit. Still as annoying as ever, you don’t seem to learn your lesson very well.” A slight twinge of discomfort prickled the back of my neck at the word “puppet.” 

While the voice was laced with annoyance there was this ever smug presence that came from it, as if it was sure that it had already won. I immediately recognized it as the voice that spoke during my escape, so I guess that meant this was Malak. I could see the slightest crack in Bierce’s unbothered presence, her face scowled with pure hatred as she stared the demonic eye down.

Malak seemed to have struck a nerve. This was becoming a pattern I was starting to notice, every time there was a crack in Bierce’s composure it was often related to the person who came before me. Which felt odd since dozens of people have come and gone, why would the last person’s death bother her so much?

 “You truly have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into mortal, Bierce doesn’t care about you, she’s just using you, helping her will only lead to your doom,” his tone turned sharp. I wasn’t phased by him saying that she didn’t care about me, that was made very obvious by now I was only tolerating her to gain my end of the deal and also because I didn’t have any other options.

What really got my attention was him saying she was just using me, I wasn’t exactly pleased at the thought that Bierce was going to possibly stab me in the back and not grant my promised wish. “Take this as your one and only warning, going along with Bierce’s little game is a path you do not want to go down.” 

Malak continued, I shot Bierce a glare but she waved her hand dismissively. 

“Oh ignore him, that filthy demon is only trying to mess with you, he just wants to turn you against me for his own benefit.” She dismissed as she continued, “Malak can do nothing to you while you’re here, no demon or monster can step foot into this ballroom, the barriers I set make sure of it,” she explained. “Right,” I responded dryly, I didn’t fully believe Malak’s words.

 I didn’t exactly fully believe hers either, I felt torn. “Is this the person responsible for the nightmares? Why exactly is he after us?” I pressed, she let out a sigh of annoyance, “the reason is because what’s powering this ring is his power Evans, which is why he’s going to throw his little tantrum each time you get another one, that is if you get another one,” she explained. 

“Ok…” I responded cautiously I wasn’t one to trust a demon, but I had to admit that his taunting words left me with a hard time trusting this woman. Just then, the next portal once again shifted from a grey to that sharp glowing crimson. “1 down, 8 more to go…” Bierce said.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
ADNG
Review
ADNG wrote a review Review · Sep 26

Bzz - hello -bzz
A bee is here to review your work!


Pollinating
First impressions


I enjoyed this chapter. I haven't read the prologue or Chapter 1, so I'm coming into this uninformed. I was able to follow the basic situation without feeling completely lost, which is a good sign for the chapter. The hotel setting also creates a fun horror atmosphere, especially with the combination of something familiar and mundane with all the demonic elements. The “BREAKFAST AND MURDER” sign and the distorted elevator music are good examples of this.

Bee Buddies!
Opinion on Characters


I liked the dynamic between Evans and Bierce. Bierce's attitude toward him makes their interactions amusing, especially since Evans clearly doesn't particularly enjoy having her constantly commenting on what he's doing. There's a little more going on underneath that relationship, since Bierce seems to have some sort of history with the people who came before Evans. Malak calling Evans her “puppet” introduces an interesting bit of doubt about how trustworthy Bierce is. I liked the moment where Evans notices that Malak seems to get a reaction out of Bierce that most things don't.

Flying Home
Summary


Evans steps through the portal and finds himself in a strange, demonic hotel. Upon exploring, he discovers a note left behind by someone who perished while attempting the same task. The note warns him about the Murder Monkeys that inhabit the hotel. To progress, he learns that he must collect 289 soul shards in order to form another piece of Bierce's ring. As he gathers the shards, he is pursued by the monkeys. Despite the danger, he collects all the shards and escapes with the ring piece. Upon his return, Malak confronts Bierce and warns Evans that she is merely using him. The chapter concludes with Evans realizing that he still has eight more ring pieces to collect.

Wasp Attack!
Critiques and Suggestions


The biggest issue is the prose. There are quite a few run-on sentences, comma splices, and places where multiple sentences could be separated or shortened. There are also several spelling/word-choice mistakes. The chapter sometimes repeats the protagonist's fear several times in succession. During the chase especially, we already understand that Evans is terrified from his actions and the situation itself, so some of the repeated descriptions of dread and panic could be trimmed to make the scene move faster. The chase would actually become more intense if it had a little less explanation and a little more immediate action.

Queen Bee
Best parts


The strongest part was the gradual escalation of the chapter. You start with Evans entering an ominous hallway, the hotel, the note, the Murder Monkeys, the soul shards, the chase, and finally Malak himself. Each part adds another layer to the situation. The note from D. H. makes the hotel feel like a place where this has happened repeatedly rather than something that exists solely for Evans's story. The revelation that 289 people have died there also gives the setting a much larger sense of history.

Honey Flavor
Closing thoughts


I thought this was an interesting chapter, considering I came into it without the context of the previous chapters. The horror atmosphere and the mystery surrounding Bierce, Malak, and the people who came before Evans were what interested me most. The biggest improvement would come from tightening the prose and cleaning up the grammar. I'm particularly curious about the connection between Bierce and her previous “puppet,” because that seems like something that could add another layer to her character and to whatever she's actually planning.

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hira
Review
hira wrote a review Review · Sep 26

A Butterfly has landed to review your work!<3

Hey MAC! A Butterfly has landed to review your work, and Chapter 2 certainly builds the story from the introduction of Chapter 1 into the danger surrounding Evans. I thought the chapter was great with the mix of the horror elements as well as the mystery of Bierce, Malak, the ring pieces, and the people before Evans.

The Egg

The introduction to the portal immediately grabbed my attention. The dark hallway, red glow, weird whispers, and Evans' instinct to turn around all conveyed the sense that he was in a place he most certainly did not belong! I also loved how his detective background still influences his perception of this supernatural area. The hotel reminds him of murder scenes from his previous job, which gives the place a strange familiarity even though it is extremely unnatural.

And thus, we see:

WELCOME, BREAKFAST AND MURDER, FREE EVERYDAY UNTL 10:00AM


That was such a beautifully ridiculous dark humour piece of text!

The Caterpillar Hatches

The cardboard hotel employee was a perfect little scare before introducing the actual monsters! Evans getting startled by a cardboard cutout and immediately berating himself made him seem more human instead of always so fearless.

Even the elevator scene was great with its "what the hell did I just see?" feeling when seeing the mysterious figure only to have the elevator return empty. In addition, the note from D. H. also made the danger tangible.

Just run as fast as you can and stay away from them.


Instead of just describing to Evans what the monsters were, we let him discover what happened to previous people through some other's warning, which I thought was very clever!

Growing & Molting

The introduction of the 289 soul shards was probably my favourite part! Evans initially thinks nothing of it but is horrified to discover what the number really stands for.

289 soul shards?


The change in the scale of the danger was interesting to read about. It was no longer just a dangerous maze but represented the hundreds of people seemingly murdered there. I liked how Evans starts wondering if he, too, will eventually be just another number on the tablet.

Spinning the Chrysalis

The Murder Monkey chase was probably in my opinion the most intense part. I liked how you used D. H.' advice and allowed Evans to ignore looking back. The yellow orb was also a nice addition as it gave him an advantage without making the Murder Monkeys suddenly harmless.

After finally collecting the last shard, the monsters became even more aggressive, which I thought was a nice touch as Evans did not get the reprieve of finishing his task.

The Transformation

The return to the ballroom gave the chapter another interesting turn. Evans barely survives and Bierce immediately takes the ring piece from Evans like another task complete!

Then Malak appears.

Bierce doesn’t care about you, she’s just using you.


This was probably the part that interested me most in terms of the larger-story. Evans knows Bierce is not overly friendly towards him, but Malak makes him question if his entire situation is far more dangerous than he initially thought.

Wings Taking Shape

I especially liked the view into Bierce's composure cracking around Malak. She is usually so effortlessly teasing and dismissive, but there is an unmistakable hatred in the way he acts towards her when she appears. Evans noticing that her attitude changes when the previous person is mentioned also adds to the mystery.

I really want to know what the issue was and why Bierce is so affected by it!

Breaking Free

The final escape was a great climax. All the elevators opening, and all of the sudden Murder Monkeys spilling out made it feel far more dangerous than the chase earlier. Evans barely has time to think as he needs to get away.

The combination of screaming monkeys, strange wind up toy like sound, and portal just in reach made a fitting end to the chaos.

First Flight

I think the chapter did well with setting up the structure of the larger-story while also leaving plenty to investigate. Each portal was not only a way to collect the next ring piece but also reveals more about Bierce, Malak, and the people who tried to go there before Evans.

Something to keep in mind for future chapters is repetition during the chase scenes. There are repeated descriptions of Evans running, panicking, and hearing the footsteps, so tightening those moments would make it even faster.

Favorite Nectar

My favourite part was definitely the combination of the 289 soul shards and Malak's warning. One makes Evans discover the horrifying scale of the people who died there before him, while the latter asks him to question if he can even trust the person sending him there.

Overall, the chapter was a nice build up from Chapter 1. The hotel was creepy, the Murder Monkeys made for good memories, and the final conversation allowed the story to have a bigger mystery to investigate.

Lovely work! <3

MAC809 replied · Sep 26

Thank you so much! I’m really happy you enjoyed it!



He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war.
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi