Let's Grow Up

This was ok. The last stanza didn't quite fit the flow.
It stopped almost to harshly, and forced.
But all in all it was good.

carl

I didn't like the repetition of 'grow up' in the first stanza, and I thought the sixth line was a bit short to keep the rhythm flowing. However, other than that, I liked the subject matter, and the way the first verse sounded, especially since it had a rhyming couplet at the end rather than the first and third line rhyming.

I like this. You've kept the writing simple, but still portraying something complex behind it. It's very cute, but I do agree that it could be longer. I think it could be a great piece with a little more work. Keep it up.

The first stanza was really good. my friend and i made something similar to that before... Anyways I agree with everyone else. it is a little bit choppy and the rhyme seems a bit forced, but other than that it has a great message.

--Lucky

I LOVE the first stanza...that was great. But the last line of the second stanza: Where will we go and hide? doesnt really flow well with the rest of it.
And the third stanza sounds a bit choppy. Add some colorful words here and there (no I don't mean profanity). This could be an amazing poem with just a few simple adjustments. Otherwise, awesome!

When roses aren't red,
And violets aren't blue,
What will become of me and you? ( I like how this flows, and is written backwards, from the normal poem)

When the grass isn't greener,
on the other side,
Will we go and hide? ( This is good, but it would be a little better if you added words to even it out with the first stanza.)

Let's grow up,
Stop being little kids,
Come on, grow up! ( I like the message here, but it seems to short, and choppy when reading. the rest flowed, and this kind of just stops. keep the message but add to it.)

i really liked this, to me it was unique.

kim