Young Writers Society

*waves*

Aaaaah, this made much more sense when I realized the narrator was summer itself. Good job! The poem fits together nicely as it progresses, taking the ambiguous opening situation of separated friends and adding solid layers of symbolism on it. Indeed, perhaps I should have surmised the narrator is summer at the beginning, since the friends mention crickets at night and beach vacations, which are both classical descriptions of summer. Instead, I just assumed it had been your ordinary, blissful friendship, and found myself saddened by its breakdown. After that, the friends do sound a little entitled when they rant that the friend should not have abandoned or forgot them, but, considering how sweet the later stanzas imply the friend has been to them, that makes sense. Heck, with the metaphor, it makes even more sense, since summer was the backdrop and essence of all those beautiful memories. As such, thanks to the later stanzas, the first few fit together fantastically. What ties them together is the heartfelt comments of summer, providing the wham line - "although I am not human," thus implying their true nature - and the way in which they acknowledge what they've done, but also accept it as a consequence of the seasons. The resulting neutrality, inked with elements of sadness (as it is inevitably depressing and frustrating to not be able to explain yourself in committing any act), is my favorite part of the poem.

Is there anything else for me to say? The ending is tragic, especially in its imagery and the complex legacy of summer, the latter showing how they have influenced and shaped so much. I suppose I'm not a big fan of the changing tenses in the friends' comments, as they jump between past and present frequently. I don't know any convenient fix, as most everything has a reason to be one tense or another, except that perhaps "you are not supposed to abandon or forget" should be changed into the past tense, since it would make more sense with the rest of the poem if "you" refers to summer rather than friends in general. If you'd like to keep it in the present tense, you can always change "you" into "friends". Other than that, this is a marvelous and saddening poem that acts as a solid reflection on the passage of summer to fall, and I enjoyed reading it from start to finish. Well done!

Hey there, Lupa! Shey here for a review!

Overall, I loved this piece. It was short, sweet, and to the point. I enjoyed it. But, I've got comments nonetheless, and I'll dive right into this. *dives*

*splashes* Okay so, you didn't capitalize the "I". No, I'm not the type of reviewer to complain about that and claim it should be changed. However, this is poetry. Everything needs a reason. Why was it not capitalized? What was your reason for leaving it lower-case? If you're going to leave such a large part of grammar, completely ignoring an entire grammar, you need a reason. Maybe you wanted to indicate the narrator just doesn't care anymore. Maybe you're trying to show lack of interest. Whatever the case, you should know, and if possible, it should be made clear in the poem.

I'm not sure I really like the italicization of the "that" in the last line. Throughout the piece, you establish that italics are for thought. So while it's clear that these specific italics at the end are for emphasis, it still seems a little weird. I know this is a minor comment, but I still would take that into account. Maybe change the italics at the end to bold or something? It's up to you whether you want to change it or not.

Overall, great piece! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more you!

Hi there TheBlueCat. This is Kays here dropping in for a review on this lovely Friday night where I attempt to catch up on my reviewing even though I'm not all that behind, I want to get caught up in my personal goal for the end of this month. That being said, let's begin, shall we?


First off, I see that this is an acceptance of Lumi's challenge! Awesome! I'll make it my duty to finish my review because of that. Delving right in, I see that this is in the perspective of a person who believes in a bit of 'a man' philosophy which to be honest aren't my favorite because they're usually manly and strong but that isn't too much of a problem here and doesn't affect the poem. I understand the 'action speaks louder than words' part and the point that the speaker is attempting to make but the execution of this concept is off in the wording or diction.

Reword for more weight behind those first couple of lines to get that point across better. For example, starting a line with 'but' or any of the words in the STAB acronym (so, to, and, but/because) isn't the best idea and is hard to execute well because these words are usually meant to join an independent clause and dependent clause together. I assume from what the poem speaks of the speaker not being human that the speaker is autumnal equinox? If so, this is quite the interesting approach that can be capitalized on even more and enhanced even though I already quite enjoyed the carpet of leaves imagery.

Use more of that to make this stronger. I'm not sure that I enjoyed the parts in italics as much and general cleaning up can fix this poem up. General editing and revision will make this stronger. Rewording for strength and for clarity and to enhance the parts of the piece that can be made stronger such as the element of imagery and the perspective. The end of the poem is done quite nicely even though the specific wording of the last line can be stronger, the points that are here are valid and work well. Nice job on what's done well but I believe this can be made even stronger with a bit more effort put in!

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.