Hey, Artemis! I've read bits and pieces of your work here and there, but I haven't read it all the way through. So I apologize in advance if some of this doesn't apply!
First of all, good job with the disconnection of thought! It was very easy to read and yet still managed to capture what Leia was going through in that time. The connection with her parents and the swimming lessons really worked well with the integration and actually helped it all in the long run. The only real complaint I have about it is that there doesn't feel like there's a strong enough connection to the physical agony that Leia would have been going through right then.
There's a danger she might become as dumb as you.
From a fandom perspective, I'm afraid I'd have to disagree on that point. Percy is shown as being incredibly intelligent throughout the entire series, even if he chooses to downplay it a lot. A lot of his impulsive reactions -- while still incredibly dangerous and still impulsive -- are probably still calculated. Percy is incredibly street smart. While canon states that "trickery and invasion were Annabeth's tactics", there is still canonical evidence of him using that all the time.
While this downplay of Percy might be a cute couple thing, it really doesn't serve his character justice. (I have a whole resource page connected to Percy's background, if you ever wanted to read it!)
Also, since it's Leia's POV, it's a little odd that she'd refer to Annabeth as Annabeth in the narration. While Percy is consistently referred to as "her father", Annabeth gets to be called by her first name on the occasion. I think that I've talked about it in an earlier review, so that's probably why I'm bringing it up here.
While I might be a bit of a sadist when it comes to characters, it'd probably be good to capitalize upon Leia's pain in this to make it feel a bit more real. While she manages to say that she's in pain and then downplays it, it'd really give a larger insight into her character and how she views herself if there was more mention about how it affects her in the long run. Yes, there's invincibility, but there has to be some sort of a price to pay for that. (I also do love how she's following in her father's footsteps here.)
This might just be me, but I wasn't able to find much with wrens and leading people into the underworld. Maybe I missed some things on my Google search, but it'd be great if Leia was able to explain that in her thoughts or if some character elaborated on that mythology. From what I can remember, Rick Riordan has either Percy or another character explain the myth that they are covering briefly to the audience.
"He won't take American money! [color=purple]And drachmas aren't much better[/purple]. ..."
Unless I just don't have the information, Charon loves drachmas. Percy manages to convince him with them in the books, with huge stacks of golden drachmas. I might be missing something here, but that behavior seems off.
I don't have much to say besides that! This was an enjoyable read and I do hope that you'll post more in the future! Keep on writing.
~Adrian, Knight of RED
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Reviews: 324
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