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Young Writers Society



The New Generation--Chapter 14: Riding on a Wren

by erilea


     "Don't leave us!" 

     "CHARON!"

     Silena and Sammy's frustrated cries echoed over the water, but to no avail. Charon pushed his boat from the shore with a long pole and pretended not to hear them.

     Whirling on Leia, Silena held up her knife and growled. "This is all your fault!" She slowly backed Leia up to the water until she could feel it lapping at her feet. Leia gulped and sidestepped. Supposedly, the waters of the Styx could make you invincible, but it was not a pretty process.

     "My fault? This is hardly my fault!" 

     "Yes, it is! Why didn't you try to offer Charon money or drachmas?"

     "He won't take American money! Besides, I don't have enough drachmas to bribe him!"

     "Aargh!" Silena shoved Leia back and glared at her, gripping her knife tightly. But her face changed into a look of horror as Leia stumbled, tried to gain her balance, and then fell into the water. 

     Leia heard her friend's anxious shouts, but her mind was on the instantaneous pain. The water was literally made of lost hopes and dreams, and it swirled around her trying to pull her in. 

     Dimly she remembered her father. I fell into the River Styx once, he said. Well, actually, my friend Nico told me to go in. And I did. He told me that I had to have a place on my body where I wanted to be vulnerable. 

     My arm, Leia thought. She felt like a thousand swords were stabbing at her, but there was a circle near her elbow that wasn't hit.

     I got rid of the curse eventually. He had smiled then. Juno--Roman form of Hera--did that. But I was invincible for some time. 

     She was going to be invincible, she thought. Her thoughts felt like a mud puddle.

     Then her vision slowly cleared. She saw her parents reaching out to her, arguing playfully. Their badinage filled Leia's ears.

     I don't think we should be giving her swimming lessons so early, Annabeth said. She looks like she's drowning.

     Ah, she's fine, her father laughed. She's a little wobbly, that's all.

     They turned and smiled, both holding out their hands to her. With all her strength left, Leia reached out and took their hands. As one, they lifted upwards and yanked her up. 

     Leia splashed onto the riverbank, coughing up dark water. "Oh my gods!" Silena came rushing over to her and kneeled beside her, looking down at her. "Are you okay?"

     "Fine," she croaked. "My lungs feel like they've been run over, my thought feel about as clear as dirt, and I'm invincible, but I'm fine." She thought back to when she was still struggling in the River Styx. Her parents... they were arguing about giving her swimming lessons. She had been five. Her father had driven to their local swimming pool. Her mother had worried about her drowning. Her father had retorted that she was the granddaughter of Poseidon.

     "I'm fine," she repeated, as if to convince herself.

     "Glad to know," Festus joked as he sat down. "We were worried for a second. We couldn't see you from here."

     "So, uh, how does it feel being invincible?" said Sammy, feeding her ambrosia as he talked. Leia ate it quickly and sighed in relief as the comforting food soothed her.

     "I don't feel much different. I mean, I do, but... I guess the effect will really show when someone tries to attack me."

     Bianca crowded in as well. "Guys, we'd better get moving. We don't have much time to waste."

     "Yeah. Don't worry about me. Actually, you shouldn't worry at all now, since I'm invincible, right?" She tried to make a feeble joke, but her friends didn't laugh. Silena still looked ashamed.

     They silently got up and hauled her up with them, then looked across the river. "How do we get across?" sighed Festus, looking longingly at Charon's ferryboat. "Normally, I don't opt for riding with dead guys, but right now I'm a little desperate."

     "You don't have to, Valdez."

     The small voice surprised Leia. She looked up in astonishment as a wren fluttered onto her head and ruffled his feathers. "Birds can fly, you know."

     "Um, you're about the size of my hand," Silena remarked. "Don't tell me you want to carry us? And how are you down here?"

     "I come here all the time!" The wren looked a little insulted. "In the old days, I guided souls down to the Underworld. And now I'm here to help you get there."

     "How do you do that?"

     "You might wanna back away a little." He flapped his wings and lifted off Leia's head, onto the ground. As Leia and her friends watched in shock, the wren grew to the size of a large horse and looked at them proudly.

     "How did you do that?" gasped Festus. 

     "A little shape-shifting isn't too hard for a g--uh, me! Now, get on."

     Leia got the feeling he almost revealed who he was, but shrugged it off and clambered onto the wren's back. So did her friends. As they hung on to his feathers, the bird flapped his enormous wings and took off, flying across the river effortlessly and easily overtaking Charon's boat.

     The wren dove towards the ground and landed, bending down to allow Leia and her friends to climb off. They gazed at the bird in admiration, appreciating their friend's ability.

     "Okay, you're here. Where do you guys wanna go, just out of curiosity?"

     Leia wordlessly pointed toward the tall obsidian towers of Hades' palace, rising out of the mist. As soon as her followed her hand, the wren's eyes darkened.

     "Oh, that's not good."


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Sun Mar 13, 2016 4:42 am
Evander wrote a review...



Hey, Artemis! I've read bits and pieces of your work here and there, but I haven't read it all the way through. So I apologize in advance if some of this doesn't apply!

First of all, good job with the disconnection of thought! It was very easy to read and yet still managed to capture what Leia was going through in that time. The connection with her parents and the swimming lessons really worked well with the integration and actually helped it all in the long run. The only real complaint I have about it is that there doesn't feel like there's a strong enough connection to the physical agony that Leia would have been going through right then.

There's a danger she might become as dumb as you.

From a fandom perspective, I'm afraid I'd have to disagree on that point. :P Percy is shown as being incredibly intelligent throughout the entire series, even if he chooses to downplay it a lot. A lot of his impulsive reactions -- while still incredibly dangerous and still impulsive -- are probably still calculated. Percy is incredibly street smart. While canon states that "trickery and invasion were Annabeth's tactics", there is still canonical evidence of him using that all the time.

While this downplay of Percy might be a cute couple thing, it really doesn't serve his character justice. (I have a whole resource page connected to Percy's background, if you ever wanted to read it!)

Also, since it's Leia's POV, it's a little odd that she'd refer to Annabeth as Annabeth in the narration. While Percy is consistently referred to as "her father", Annabeth gets to be called by her first name on the occasion. I think that I've talked about it in an earlier review, so that's probably why I'm bringing it up here.

While I might be a bit of a sadist when it comes to characters, it'd probably be good to capitalize upon Leia's pain in this to make it feel a bit more real. While she manages to say that she's in pain and then downplays it, it'd really give a larger insight into her character and how she views herself if there was more mention about how it affects her in the long run. Yes, there's invincibility, but there has to be some sort of a price to pay for that. (I also do love how she's following in her father's footsteps here.)

This might just be me, but I wasn't able to find much with wrens and leading people into the underworld. Maybe I missed some things on my Google search, but it'd be great if Leia was able to explain that in her thoughts or if some character elaborated on that mythology. From what I can remember, Rick Riordan has either Percy or another character explain the myth that they are covering briefly to the audience.

"He won't take American money! [color=purple]And drachmas aren't much better[/purple]. ..."

Unless I just don't have the information, Charon loves drachmas. Percy manages to convince him with them in the books, with huge stacks of golden drachmas. I might be missing something here, but that behavior seems off.

I don't have much to say besides that! This was an enjoyable read and I do hope that you'll post more in the future! Keep on writing.

~Adrian, Knight of RED




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Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:31 pm
Dracula wrote a review...



Greetings, Lady Artemis. ;) This was posted over ten days ago? I'm surprised there aren't any reviews yet. Well, here I am to finally give it one. And on Review Day, which works out well.

At the beginning, the girls are shouting at Charon, and I know that much, but I don't actually know who is saying what. But it works really well, it adds to the desperation of the scene. There isn't time to make things clear, they are in a chaotic, literal life or death situation. That brings me to this sentence: Leia heard her friend's anxious shouts, but her mind was on the instantaneous pain. The desperation has tripled in this scene, and I think it could benefit from the same technique used in the first paragraph. Though you say she heard her friend's shouts, I didn't hear them. Give us a couple of lines of muddled, desperate cries like at the beginning of the chapter.

The scene in the river was written beautifully; perfect imagery, and there was a clear distinction between memory and reality for the reader but at the same time Leia's confusion was evident.

My thought feel about as clear as dirt
Just check this phrase again. Personally, I think it would make more sense if 'thought' was changed to plural form. Check this one too:
As soon as her followed her hand, the wren's eyes darkened.

That's it for me! This was an intense chapter and was thrilling to read. Keep writing! :D





If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.
— Neil Gaiman