Published December 12, 2010
A dismal foggy background flying past --
I am gliding.
Air rushing through my fingertips --
I am flying.
Adrenalin pulsing in my veins --
I am floating.
Earth's rocky surface spinning towards me --
I am falling.
Splat.
Dust flies.
I am awake.
Madness
Colors fade
To shades of black,
Despair thickens
In my lungs,
Life slips
From my hands,
Fate steals my chance --
I stand alone.
Forced along -- a walking corpse.
The faces fill my head
Images. Smiling, laughing, blood dripping
from their hands.
Screaming silently of murder.
Now a prisoner to madness
Trapped inside my mind,
And there's no turning back.
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139,441 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
This is the kind of poetry that I totally LOVE!
xxx
I honestly can't think of one bad thing to say...
I love the way that this whole thing flows.
And I love the descriptive words you've used...
It's dark, it tells a little story...
You, are an awesome writer!
I am jelous of people that can write this way
Wow, that is deep. I like it.
Anyway, like what the other reviewer said:
- Should be: 'Adrenaline'. 'Adrenalin' refers to some chemical, not the the 'excited feeling'.
And, oh. I didn't realize that there were two separate poems at first. I thought 'Madness' was underlined to give emphasis until I read the other reviews lol. Anyway, I also like 'Madness' better.
Nice job anyway.
the nightmares poem was awsome.
Hey Lunasol21, Error404 here!
I loved the language and tone used in this poem. When I first starting reading I felt a sense of calmness and then WHAM! It's beautifully written. Honestly, I don't think I can add anything more to what the other members have said.
Welldone and keep writing!
~Error404
Hi Lunasol21,
This is my first time reviewing your work! And I really enjoyed reading this! The poem had fantastic imagery and I could see everything you were describing so cleary! I do agree (with whoever said it), that the poem gives us something to grasp on to and that's really great for forming attachments with it. One little thing, I think "adrenaline" has an e at the end, but you might want to check that up!
I loved the darkness and depth presented in this poem, and your descriptions of everything were very good. I especially loved the ending:
Loved it! Best wishes for future writing!
RedLeaf
Hello!! Rain here!!
So, I really liked the beginning, the middle and end didn't flow as good, but were still good. I think you should change all the "I am"s inthe first stanza to "I,m" it reads easier... And I don't think you need to underline "Madness"
Great write,
~Rain~
wow.deep.your poems are brilliant especially madness.very descriptive and i like it my uncle writes simily poems
Madness is my favorite too, and the poems are separate.
Hee hee, this is kind of funny.
Images.
Smiling, laughing, blood dripping from their hands.
I like Madness. It's very well described (not that I've experienced it before). Is this one poem or two though?
Keep writing!
Alzora
oooo harsh poetry, i like the dearyness and the doomed ending also the darkness to this it gives the reader somethign to grasp onto to read more! keep going!