Published December 17, 2010
Doesn't make particular sense, but I was watching the movie today while painting and began to read the book again (for the tenth time). It's just a bit of freewriting and it's completely unedited.
Dear Mr. Darcy,
Won't you come for me?
Waltzing gracefully in the fields
Drinking in the morning sun.
Mr. Darcy,
Allow me to recapture
Your good opinion,
I hope it is not lost forever.
Look down on Pemberley,
The rolling hills and evergreens,
The mountaintops and flowers of spring.
Oh what are men to rocks and mountains?
Oh what you are to me!
Only you Mr. Darcy
Can dote on me so.
Lizzy for everyday,
Pearl only for Sundays,
Goddess Divine for special occasions,
And Mrs. Darcy when you are most
incandescently happy.
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Hello there
I really loved these two lines. So romantic!First of all
Anyway, I like the root of your inspiration and how it made you write such a wonderful poem. I too love the movie but have not come to read the book. I thought the first stanza was a bit too...I don't know, over dramatic. Especially the part about Mr Darcy Waltzing through the field. That's just me, so. Overall, good job.
Keep writing and good luck
In this stanza it seems for some reason that you're trying to ryhme. I know you're not but it seems like you're trying too. I don't know why.
This should be one stanza, not two. I know it's longer like this but it reads better this way.
You were right. This makes no sense. But it's good anyway!!
Keep writing!
Alzora
Hellooooo Luna!
How are you? I read your poem and I like it. There weren't any gramatical errors I caught off gaurd. The parts that don't seem to work for me are the first stanza and the final line of the seconds stanza. They seem a little off to me. I really like the third stanza, it seems to capture emmotion really well and relate back to the story, Pride and Prejudice, which I assume this is based from. Especially how you incluse the line "What are men to rocks and mountains?" which is from the book. Then of course the next line "Oh what are you to me!" really punches you with that sort of torn feeling Lizzy has towards Darcy right up until the end of the book.
I think if you found some way to make it rhyme it might bring a little something to your poem. Just because of the language of that time period this might seem more fitting with a more old english touch and rhyming it may do the trick.
The fourth stanze seems odd because it is so short compared to the others so there might be more to add. You might add a line or two about Lizzy's independence and why he is the only one who can dote on her.
The last stanza is classic but you have to really be careful you don't plagarize. I think you should try to put your own spin no the classic words of Jane Austen.
Overall I think it's good but not super great. But I did enjoy it. Just keep working at it and let me know if you get another draft, I'd love to read it.
Love always!
Christine Lefevre