Young Writers Society

It is deep, dark, if you take it in a certain way realistic, and good. It is good I like it. I think its perfect size for what you are trying to say. It is short but still has meaning. I think you can take this 2 different ways. 1 as just writing or 2 as something more than words on a screen...a sort of writing to the spirit ha ha. I mean what is one of the biggest reason people write either to explain emotion or to escape reality. Anyways best of luck on future projects to everyone!!!

Hey there! I really liked this, you are a natural just shape yourself into an expert and you'll be unstoppable!

Great story! It's short, but you conveyed the emotions perfectly. It was not at all hard to see the story behind it, even though the reader is given few details. There is a feeling of strength and sorrow in the ending. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

Hey, I really liked this short write-up. The fact that you've kept it simple makes it easy to grasp the emotion you're trying to portray. And yes, this is a feeling we all go through at some point of our lives. It is very important to reserve ourselves for a while and wait for someone who would be able to break that wall and join the pieces back with our heart, to make it complete. You could have turned this into a short story actually, though

Good afternoon,

So, you're story here portrays a kind of eulogy that most people experience every day of their lives. That being said, in doing so, when we read these kinds of prose we would like ti be different. Not so different so that we can't fathom its meaning, but just enough to say. Yes I have felt this way before, but this made me think of it this way. It should enlighten us on a new angle of such commonly known suffering.

That as it was, I also would comment on your diction. It seemed force, especially with the word pieces. As if you were trying to find a better usage for it, but then ended up using more than initially intended. It drew upon the read. Pieces here and pieces there, and the pieces upon pieces of pieces old and new and they were pieced together here and there and... it was more than enough.

All in all, the thought and intention behind this was great. As these always tend to be, as they almost always come from an actual experience. Which I apologize you had to go through.

Now, seeing as this is your first post. Then I regard it as a well done prose. Please do not bear any negative thought to this critique. Critique is what inspires us to get better and truly prosper as both writer and reader. For a first post, nervous as first posts tend to be, it was a good start. And I cannot wait to hear more from you as get along and inspire yourself to your own unique writing style.

Have a good day.

Hi there LuluGirl and welcome to YWS!

This is very short and it's not really a story because there is a lack of characterization and developed story line. That's okay, though – I understand that this may be just a snippet of an idea, like testing the waters for a story. So I'll do my best to give you a good review!

I think this is a bit of a cliché – there's nothing wrong with that really, except it just means this topic and the way this topic is described is popular and therefore overused. You have some time and definitely the space to expand a bit more on the concept that you have written about. This way you can throw in your own unique, creative edge

Because it's so short, the purpose of this piece is relatively unclear. I would really encourage you to address the "Why" of this story: why is your protagonist feeling broken hearted? What did the other party do to instigate this? I think not only would this make things more understandable, but it would also contribute to character development as well as plot development.

In terms of grammar, I might encourage you to utilize more complex sentences. Right now, the sentences read quite short and choppy. Sometimes this is okay if they're mixed in, but right now it's a little clunky. I think the tone of this piece requires something a little bit smoother.

Overall, this is a nice start and I can really see the potential in this. Please don't hesitate to message me if you have any questions/concerns/comments!

Thanks for the read!

Lav