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An Evening Kiss

by Lullaby

The sun's life floods the earth in saturated gold
Color kissing the face of greens and orange
The clouds melted like an oil painting
A breeze not enough to make me fly
Yet makes me feel even more alive
The birds chatter and people rush home
Yet peace remains within the light
I sit and look in awe of the world
Wondering who else is gazing too

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24 Reviews

Points: 2190
Reviews: 24

Fri Nov 17, 2023 10:07 pm
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envy wrote a review...

this is a beautiful portrayal of a moment in nature. its very human.

your imagery is very evocative. the contrast between the vibrant colors of nature & the tranquility of the moment is especially vivid to me. despite the external hustle & bustle of the nature around you, theres still serenity. i think that is lovely. every word feels like you put time into it as well, even with this on the shorter side of things. its rare to see something so well-crafted like that.

the metaphors are the highlight of the poem for me. for example, the act of looking in awe at the world is metaphorically linked to a sense of wonder & admiration. the closing line suggests a shared human experience of appreciating the beauty of the world, which is very realistic. there are so many ways to capture nature.

although, while your imagery is beyond striking, you may perhaps want to add onto it more. id suggest thinking about how you can engage other senses. more aspects of touch, sound, or even scent can create a more immersive reading experience. the same could be said about your theme & possibly providing more context to it. more is never a bad thing to have, but less likely is.

overall though, this was stunning. nature is such a complex topic & this demonstrates that. you have so much control over your language.


Lullaby says...

Thank you, envy, for your review! I definitely agree, I think playing around with other senses would have helped strengthened the imagery and beauty of nature. I appreciate the feedback :)

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13 Reviews

Points: 27
Reviews: 13

Fri Nov 17, 2023 5:16 pm
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farq4d wrote a review...

hey there, i thought i'd leave a quick review. This poem seems to be about the narrator observing a sunset. I love the wording of this poem. Your use of personification when describing the light of the sun is very effective: "Color kissing the face of greens and orange." It's almost like you used personification twice: the light is kissing and the other colors have faces. Had it not been for the cue in the sixth line, it would have been harder for readers to decipher whether or not this was about a sunrise or a sunset (except for the title too). Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem. Your use of similies, metaphors, and personification made this both emotionally and visually moving for the reader. I look forward to reading more of your poems :)

Lullaby says...

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Life is a banana peel and I am the fool who dared to tread on it.
— looseleaf