My Story

As the sun melts below the horizon,
and we say our last "goodnight",Why is goodnight in qoutes?
I can't bear to turn my back
until you're out of sight.

Do you remember the past days?
When we were just good friends?
I was afraid to tell you,
for fear you would make it end.
You always stood next to me,
every single day.
You held my hand and waited for me,
every step of the way.Every step of what way?

You want the whole story now?
The beginning of the bliss?
We'll take it not too far back,
to the night of our first kiss.
Midnight had come too early,
and seven o'clock too late.Excuse me? That makes no sense.
Your hug was fierce, but your kiss was soft,
as you finally sealed our fate.

Now I watch your figure leave,
the end of forever had come too soon.How is there an end of forever?
A tear slipped silently down my cheek,
as you disappeared from the light of the moon.

I see now I should I shouldn't have told you,I should I shouldn't. What? That really doesn't make sense.
how I felt inside.
I should have always known that someday,
you'd eventually say goodbye.

It was really good, just some things didn't make sense to me.

-thestorygirl

I also really liked this.

I see now I should I shouldn't have told you,
how I felt inside.

The should and shouldn't...typo I'm guessing?

Anyway, I agree with the above, don't touch that one stanza, but try to tighten up the others a little bit?

Good luck and post some more!

wow. This poem really is incredible.
One thing that I loved about it was that you didn't have to make too many metaphors or be symbolic about anything to write a deep, sincere poem.

You want the whole story now?
The beginning of the bliss?
We'll take it not too far back,
to the night of our first kiss.
Midnight had come too early,
and seven o'clock too late.
Your hug was fierce, but your kiss was soft,
as you finally sealed our fate.

Don't touch that stanza. It's absolutely perfect.
My only real bit of criticizm is that all of your stanzas except for the one that i quoted here had some issues with beat and such. Since you wrote a rhyming poem, you should keep the number of syllables in your lines realtively in proportion. If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me or write on my wall.
Keep up the good work!
-Alex