Published August 25, 2011
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139,327 Literary Works • 672,532 Reviews
Hi! This poem is awesome! I like the way you wrote about your feelings. It was emotional but wasn't overly dramatic. It was almost like you were talking to someone, telling them your story, and then, in the end, asking them, "Why? Why is this happening to me?" It was genuine.
I think that my favorite part of this poem was in the first stanza.
" ...or one crooked stitch
in a perfectly sewn seam."
I felt like this was just a nice little detail.
Nice work! Keep writing!
Great poem! You are super talented! You have great stanza structure and flow to your poem. You start with a steady lead into unknown territory, then letting the readers know it's love. Afterwards, your steadily deteriorate in positive emotion, then let the readers know it is leaving you. It is great when a poem has a climax, AND an unsolved ending. This is a beautiful journey you are allowing your readers to be a part of it. I love how each stanza is a metaphor, imagery, simply or an exaggeration. I love when writers never tell the readers straight up what's going on, it allows the reader to be creative and imaginative as well! Keep up the work! I think you should expand on your metaphors more! They are strong and an be beautiful arts on their own!